How to fit in at very posh and boozy party

[UncleBunclesHouse]

I am not posh, I don’t drink and I don’t know anyone there. DH will but I don’t want to cling to him all night. I’m getting very anxious about it and starting to talk myself out of it.

It is at the hosts house (stately home) and everyone knows each other and is super confident and blasé about everything, I think I won’t know what to do with myself. Don’t even get me into what to wear!

Any tips very appreciated!!

This is great advice. Don't forget ... people love talking about themselves, so ask about their life, where they're from originally, have they traveled much, interesting hobbies, do you like going to concerts / gigs/ museums/ musicals / theatre, etc.

Do you have to go? Personally I wouldn’t. Life’s too short to be around drunk people you don’t particularly know or think you’ll like.

Smile genuinely and observe with interest. Most people are actually nice surely not all others are straight out of Downton?

I usually find the dogs and sit with them all night tbh. Dogs are better company.

Properly posh people are excellent at setting newcomers at ease. Find out what the dress code is, wear something suitable that makes you feel fabulous and assume you'll meet some interesting and bonkers people in a really wonderful setting.

When I have these things I go (in my head) as an anthropologist, with pen and notebook. Anyone particularly egregious I whip them out

Seriously though, you're a guest. The duty is on the hosts to make sure guests have a good time. Don't overthink it, you are all you should be.

If it's boozy, don't worry everyone will be drunk after an hour and conversations will be easy (just let them talk!)

If it's a stately home wander around casually looking at the paintings, nursing your drink.
Home in on the female with the most pleasant face and compliment her dress
Maybe it won't be as bad as you think

It’s just like any other party op, you make small talk, circulate, they are just people. You can stick by your husbands side. It’s no biggie.

As someone who used to suffer from social anxiety and now doesn't at all... the most important thing to keep in mind with these things is that ultimately nobody really cares what you do and how you conduct yourself. Once you embrace that it's incredibly freeing.

People notice the behaviour/dress/conversation of others far less than you might think. Most people are just worrying about themselves and how they come across. It's very unlikely that anyone will give you a second thought. Incidentally the fact that these people are "posh" is neither here nor there. Posh people are just as likely to feel insecure and anxious as non posh people.

As long as you are reasonably smartly dressed, polite and interested in other people, you will be absolutely fine. If you want to hang out with your husband all night there's nothing wrong with that. But I pretty much guarantee you would be able to chat to other people and be fine.

Loads of really solid and sensible advice here. However,(as an alternative suggestion) I would definitely be leaning towards playing a real life version of cluedo in my head, complete with imaginary dead person on the floor and I’d have to speak to all the guests to work out “whodunnit”. I’m extremely jealous OP, it sounds lots of fun.

POSH PERSON STATELY HOME PARTY BINGO
So ... you make a secret bingo list to tick off, see how many you get ... and then report back here
Some ideas:
Malevolent painted portrait in gold frame glaring at you from the wall
Draughty hallway with shabby Barbour on coatstand
Dirty looking hunting dog asleep on 80s chintz sofa
Big hair with hairspray, or chignons
People having really dull conversations about other people who are not there, called Tiggy and Jonty
Double points for first person who asks you if you are going skiing
Can anyone think of any more? 😆

I think you read too much jilly cooper. Meanwhile back in the real world..

Bingo square ideas continued ...
Young beautiful daughter of the house in amazing dress but very drunk
Any conversations referencing private school eg "Aurelia LOVES it at Cheltenham"; double points for any version of "all these contextual offers are making it SO difficult with Oxbridge" (see MN Education board)
Wealthy Russians at the party (with triple points for any chat or facial expressions about how TRYING the sanctions are)

This party will be great OP. I am thinking of sneaking in with you 😎

“-Oh boy I guess I should go mingle and meet more people… wish me luck”

Don’t say this if you want to get away, it sounds like you find the person you are talking to boring. Just say you are getting a drink/going to the toilet/checking in with the babysitter etc.

from advice from the book by dale carngie how to win friends, people or most love to talk and boast and discuss about themselves, have a cover story or profile of yourself and some areas your intrested in that you can discuss if needed, but generally once you get them talking you could expand on the conversation based on their talking points.

@UncleBunclesHouse that said, how do i get an invite,

@Janieforever

I agree, having mixed in circles it's a lot more varied now, though I have an acquaintance who asked me on first meeting, do you hunt? I said I didn't agree with blood sports!

I'm sure this sounds mad but sometimes I pretend I'm a character in a film and just luxuriate in the strangeness of these situations! See it as a fascinating adventure into a new world where you can experience different ways of being and doing. Unless you're desperately in need of getting in with anyone there for work purposes or whatever, it's a pretty low-stakes situation.

That said, people are people, some of them might be nasty but lots of them will be nice. The fact you don't drink is a massive bonus, as you won't be tempted to get drunk to relax and then worry about embarrassing yourself or waking up the next day wondering what you did.

And also... remember absolutely nobody is as conscious of you as you are yourself. I find that takes the pressure off. You're just another guest at a party to them.

the great Gatsby film comes to mine but the latest ver with leo

I think @HeddaGarbled 's advice is very good.

IME, 'posh' people are actually usually actually very good at putting people at ease, as some posters have said; posh parties are quite possibly easier to get along at than other less formal ones.

And as Hedda said, if anyone's an arsehole, you don't want to be dealing with them anyway!

I’m going to one of these parties soon. From previous parties:

• take a hostess gift ie flowers, candle etc
• there will be all sorts of outfits so wear something that’s smart casual, unless it’s a specific black tie / cocktail dress dress code. Silk blouse / pj trouser suits and the jumper/skirt looks are popular these days.
• people always like to meet someone new so be open and friendly. They’ll want to know how you know the hosts and will tell funny stories. The best anecdote I was told was by a bloke I’d never met before who spilled the beans on a celebrity footballer who did a “Don’t you know who I am?”moment to the bloke’s friend and she said no as she genuinely had no idea who he was.
• go to the party, don’t try too hard and be interested in the people you meet. You’re their equal otherwise you wouldn’t have been invited.