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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else never really truly relax?

17 replies

GotMooMilk · 03/12/2023 18:36

I just can’t relax. I’m always on the go- at home will be cleaning, tidying, doing washing, clearing out kids old clothes etc. I’m not OCD so I’m not cleaning things obsessively just can’t seem to sit. We were watching a Christmas film as a family it was so nice but after an hour I just had to get up, prepped dinner, folded the washing etc.
DH is great and does help but often I just do things before he can. Eg a bill comes through and by the time he’s got round to it 2/3 days later I’ve done it.

I want to relax- I hate it. How can I?!

OP posts:
Naughty1205 · 03/12/2023 18:39

I'm the same. Never can relax fully. Thoughts of what I need to be doing next don't allow for relaxing!

uhOhOP · 03/12/2023 18:40

Yes, me. I never feel properly able to relax. I realised this a few years ago and thought that's probably just how it's going to be forever.

Milliemoos5 · 03/12/2023 18:43

think it’s a Personality thing tbh. I’m lucky that I have no issue relaxing… I’m very ‘manana’ about things whereas my mum can’t sit stilll, she’s always always busy around the house faffing about and barely sleeps 3 hours a night as she has so much racing around in her head; in fact she gets ill from the fact she never relaxes. Whereas I sleep like a baby and am not a worrier like she is.

i don’t think there’s much you can do about it other than force yourself to sit still and relax but I would say it can affect your health like my mum if your always on the go and your mind is constantly racing with stuff

HamHand · 03/12/2023 18:44

This is me and it’s a real problem. I hate that I can’t relax. It doesn’t help that I’m self employed so home is also where I work, and my work is buying and selling so there’s a constant stream of stuff coming in and out. My recommendation, that I’m trying so hard to follow, is to drastically declutter. Less stuff means less to think about, less to tidy, put away, look after. I’d happily chuck away about half of the things in this house. Dc make it tricky. My mind is constantly bogged down with things that I should be doing. I don’t think that will ever end, it’s just how I’m wired. I’ve been really stressed the last few days getting all the Christmas decorations out and the added STUFF that’s now everywhere. I’ve decided to really concentrate on the jobs that need doing this week while the kids are at school, get the stuff out that needs taking to the charity shop so that I can try to enjoy the festive period and relax. It’s just going to take a real Blitz. It doesn’t help that DH has hoarding tendencies. He’d happily hold onto every thing he’s ever owned.

TreesWelliesKnees · 03/12/2023 18:44

I think it's hard to relax at home when DC are small. It does get easier. I used to be like this but now that my kids are older and I'm knocking on 50 I'm the opposite! In the meantime it might help to book a spa day or a massage. And go out more for drinks, meals, to friends' houses etc. It's easier to relax away from where the neverending chores are.

Sunday12 · 03/12/2023 18:44

Never ever relax. Ever

Happycow · 03/12/2023 18:45

This! Sometimes i do sit down to try and force myself to relax but end up doom scrolling while my mind whirrs about the school bags, party presents i need to buy, Christmas play outfits, the presentation i forgot to finish at work.... its endless! I need to do something, sometimes i feel physically ill from the constant pressure 😪

MurielThrockmorton · 03/12/2023 18:46

I often have a bath because it's the only place I really feel relaxed.

WhatWouldHopperDo · 03/12/2023 18:49

I‘m not judging because my DH is similar but I do think it’s a shame you couldn’t make yourself finish watching the film
with your family, especially as you’ve said how nice it was.

Savedpassword · 03/12/2023 18:49

Yep me as well. For me I think it’s related to my childhood. I suspect my mum had OCD so from a very young age I was conditioned to clean continuously. Beds were stripped every day, house was hoovered top to bottom at least three times a day. Relaxing and sitting down to watch TV was not an option. I have to work very hard now to force myself to slow down and stop occasionally.

Leafysuburb · 03/12/2023 18:53

I work full time and carry most of the mental load at home. I can never relax as I'm always trying to keep up.

I got very bad cold a few years ago and was so sick I couldn't focus on work during the day. I just lay and watched films and had a sleep. I think that was the best day of my life for the last ten years!

LindorDoubleChoc · 03/12/2023 18:59

I don't relax but I'm not one of those always on the go people either. I sit down but my mind is always full of things I'm not doing. And in the middle of the night too.

Shithole101 · 03/12/2023 19:07

Even when I'm sitting doing nothing I don't feel relaxed. I always have 100 stressy things going through my head and always feel on edge.

appalledandtired · 03/12/2023 19:07

yoga

dovelynn · 03/12/2023 19:47

That sounds tough for those of you who can’t relax. Maybe it's a skill that can be learned if it's not something innate?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/12/2023 19:48

Yep! I never sit still/ I’m no ocd either just shit had to get done. My relaxation is sleep that’s it

Original poster
GotMooMilk · 03/12/2023 20:10

@WhatWouldHopperDo i know it’s awful isn’t it. I do ‘force’ myself to stop and take time with the kids but my natural instinct is to be dashing around. I do work 2 part time jobs, don’t have a cleaner etc so do genuinely have stuff to do at home but still. When I do have a day off I get annoyed at myself for not relaxing and enjoying it at all.

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