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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To quit helping at Beavers after one term?

16 replies

TheBadBeaver · 03/12/2023 17:37

I started in August as a section assistant. Absolutely hate it. The behaviour and listening of the children is dreadful and the behaviour management is absolutely non existent. The planned activities aren't in the least engaging and I just dread going. One of my children has been going for just over an hour and initially loved it but also hates it now and wants to leave.

Is it awful to quit after just a few months? How much notice is supposed to be given?

OP posts:

Original poster

TheBadBeaver · 03/12/2023 17:38

That should read that my child has been going for just over a year, not hour.

OP posts:

LostAtTheCrossRoad · 03/12/2023 17:39

Tell them now. Turn over on SAs is fairly high, it shouldn't be a new thing to them.

WillowCraft · 03/12/2023 17:41

I think it's fine to say it's not right for you and your child. I would ask them how much notice much notice they need. Maybe they can get someone else in by January if you tell them now

Slightlydustcovered · 03/12/2023 17:42

I am also a leader. When we got dragged in ( due to previous leaders leaving on mass various reasons) we inherited a bit of a mess. We were 3 new leaders and I would say it took a term to fix it. We introduced house rules ( and followed through!) We did more things alongside the more traditional scouting badges. We have just done our first night away with our beavers and they were all great. It is possible to turn it around but it takes work.

PuttingDownRoots · 03/12/2023 17:45

You don't enjoy it, then quit.

A lot of leaders stay longer than planned as they feel guilty about messing up the ratio.

UsingChangeofName · 03/12/2023 18:14

If you aren't enjoying it, then of course it is fine to stop going.

Alternatively, can you see how it could be so much better ? Are you able to contribute to making it better ? The planning ? The behaviour expectations ?

How well do you know the GSL ? Is it worth having a conversation with them, explaining why neither you nor your ds want to keep going ? It might be they could support with planning, or get in touch with the ADC to help.

Also, remember that all sections are different. Maybe contact another group and see if your ds would like to try there.

Bluevelvetsofa · 03/12/2023 18:19

I’m of the opinion that, if you are giving your time for no recompense, you are not obliged to continue to do something you aren’t enjoying.

I’ve given up more than one volunteering post because I wasn’t enjoying it. I also felt that often, volunteers get the jobs paid staff don’t want.

user628468523532453 · 03/12/2023 18:27

If you're not enjoying it, better to leave before it consumes your life.

There isn't really a notice period for volunteers to my knowledge, so give them as much warning as you feel able to muster.

Don't be guilt tripped about ratios. People spend years being miserable in those roles because of ratios and nobody else volunteering while they're still there - but rarely does anyone volunteer to step in until there's genuinely a risk of closure. You usually have to quit before anyone else steps up.

It is better to just make the decision, set a deadline and stick to it. If the community wants the group to continue, the community has to step up.

Bleakmidwinter1977 · 03/12/2023 18:42

Our older teenage daughter volunteers as an assistant leader.

She loves it, the team of volunteers is amazing, the activities and trips out are well organised and engaging, and the children are lovely.

I wouldn't volunteer my time, or expect child to continue to attend, if I was not enjoying the experience.

Be clear to them why you are leaving, give constructive feedback, pass this onto your section and higher up the chain.

Seadreamers · 03/12/2023 18:46

If you aren’t happy then give them notice. I was a Beavers volunteer for 18 months and then moved to Cubs when DS moved up, and helped there for about 6 months. I gave a month’s notice and was desperate to leave.

The main reason for leaving was the behaviour of about a third of the group - relentless hyper behaviour, not listening, disruptive, etc. I could give so many examples of dire behaviour and I do not envy their teachers dealing with this daily. We had not been made aware of any SEN etc in these children, but some very clearly had needs that meant they should have had a parent stay as the volunteer ratios were not enough to deal with constant poor behaviour.

It just wasn’t for me and I now volunteer twice a week with adults which suits me much better. As a volunteer YOU decide where to offer your time and experience so you must be happy and enjoy it.

IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism · 03/12/2023 18:53

Just leave. Some Beavers packs are great, others not so much.

I got roped in when DSS was little as a parent helper and the treasurer, and had a similar experience to you. Also the accounts were a mess, the tuck shop money never added up, and the committee didn’t care at all.

It all came to a head at one meeting where my concerns were dismissed, and then the leader made some racist comments about a couple of the children. I just said “You know what? I’m done with this”, left all the documentation and cash tin on the table and walked out.

I did feel temporarily bad for DS, but while I was explaining that I’d burned his bridges (in child friendly terms) he said “Oh good mum, can I stop going too?” and that was that.

Obviously I don’t recommend this course of action unless they are this dreadful, but I don’t think you should feel guilty if it’s not working for either you or DS.

Bleakmidwinter1977 · 03/12/2023 18:56

Volunteers should be confident and experienced with children, and able to manage their behaviour, often towards the end of long, tiring school day.

Mariposista · 03/12/2023 19:29

Give notice and leave - sounds awful.

If you have time do volunteering at something your kids aren’t involved in so they get time away from parents. Encourages independence and gets rid of clinginess.

AuntMarch · 03/12/2023 19:50

If it's that unruly I wouldn't want to keep taking my child there anyway! I'd feel like I was teaching him it's ok to ignore rules.

budgiegirl · 07/12/2023 14:24

If you hate it, and you don't see anyway that you can get involved in turning things around, then leave. Our GSL always used to point out to leaders that this is a hobby, and if you don't like doing it, then there's no pressure to stay.

There's not notice period, but I do think it would be helpful if you could give at least a few weeks notice. But if you can't, you can't.

Ardith · 07/12/2023 14:49

My child and I quit after a month, entirely because of the behaviour of some of the children. All the worst parents in the village used us as cheap childcare and we had very little power to discipline the horrible shouty bullies they dropped to us.

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