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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my female friend is a misogynist?

48 replies

TheAverageJoanne · 03/12/2023 15:33

Watching Strictly with a friend yesterday and after the first dance my friend said that she didn't think Emma Watson was "pretty enough" to have played Belle.

She's said similar about Nicola Roberts "she's not that pretty" and about a woman she knows who's "not very pretty" and whose husband cheats because "he's so good looking he can have whoever he wants" (he's not. I've seen a picture of him) She went on to tell me that this woman has to give her husband a BJ when he's on the phone as it's exciting.

I'm questioning my friend and her views. I get that we don't have to like every woman in the public eye - I don't - but it's not because they aren't "pretty".

And I loathe that word anyway. Why are some women like this to one another?

OP posts:

VanityDiesHard · 03/12/2023 16:32

Cloudisi · 03/12/2023 15:59

I don't think saying a woman isn't good-looking enough to play a certain character is misogynist necessarily, depends if she ever does it with blokes too. I've certainly seen blokes in roles where they are supposedly meant to be really attractive and thought mehhhh but he's not even hot?

ITA with this. The dude who plays Wonka and who is bloomin' everywhere at the moment falls into that category for me. According to the teens I know, he is a hearththrob, I see him and I don't get it at all. Maybe I'm just old!

easylikeasundaymorn · 03/12/2023 16:32

to be fair there were bigger problems than her looks with EW playing Belle....not being able to either sing or act her way out of a paper bag as a starting point....

But I see what you mean OP - those are just examples, it sounds like to your friend the main criteria she judges any women by is 'are they pretty?' I agree I'd find that odd, unpleasant, and very shallow.

Original poster

TheAverageJoanne · 03/12/2023 16:56

LouLaBear23 · 03/12/2023 15:59

To add, she’s likely complimentary of certain men as she gets a lot (if not most) of her value from men and them appreciating her. It’s almost like she has to diss the women to make them unattractive in her eyes to then reason that she’s better from a male perspective.

You're right. Dancers in Strictly, rugby and football players, and musicians.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheAverageJoanne · 03/12/2023 17:04

Diamonde · 03/12/2023 16:21

I don't even understand how the example of the friend and cheating DH is misogyny? Seriously op, did upon just learn a new word?

Yes, it's bitchy and I would be very cautious about her. That's not misogyny though. How is gossiping and telling you personal info misogyny?

Opinions about random famous people are not that deep. Saying a man or woman is not that attractive does not equal misogyny necessarily.

Don't be silly. Learn a new word indeed.

I've never heard her criticise any man other than her exes.

Someone asked if I challenged her. I did. I said singers and actors should be judged on their performance and I thought she was being catty to the woman she talked about. I don't know the couple but I've seen their picture.

OP posts:

Diamonde · 03/12/2023 17:06

Who are you to say what famous people 'should be judged on'? She sounds bitchy and a gossip and I'd never associate with her, but I would absolutely hate to be policed by you OM why I can and cannot say about celebs.

Why is your mate gossiping about someone else misogynistic to you and not just her being a dick?

Diamonde · 03/12/2023 17:08

Btw nobody has said she isn't misogynistic. We don't know her. But if these examples are all you have to by, then no, this isn't misogyny in and of itself.

LinguisticallyCunning · 03/12/2023 17:09

I disagree with your friend. I think Emma Watson's acting is too wooden for her role as Belle.

Notimeforaname · 03/12/2023 17:23

I said singers and actors should be judged on their performance and I thought she was being catty to the woman she talked about

Nobody "should" do anything just because it's your opinion.

That's all this is. Opinions. You dont like hers and would like her to think and judge the way you do. Unreasonable.

ilovesooty · 03/12/2023 17:28

I'm also interested in whether you sat and listened to her gossip about someone else's sex life or whether you said something.

Edited to add - I see you told her it was "catty". You're still prepared to spend time with her though?

ActDottie · 03/12/2023 17:51

Yanbu she sounds spiteful and bitter.

It is also quite sad that she puts so much emphasis on how women look she must be really insecure herself.

Original poster

TheAverageJoanne · 03/12/2023 18:16

ActDottie · 03/12/2023 17:51

Yanbu she sounds spiteful and bitter.

It is also quite sad that she puts so much emphasis on how women look she must be really insecure herself.

I think she is very insecure.

OP posts:

Haveyouanyjam · 03/12/2023 18:29

She sounds very insecure. It would be one thing if these comments came up in passing and there was a conversation where she happened to mention her views, but if she’s going out of her way to mention it, it sounds like she wants to put down other women for whatever reason.

She may also be misogynistic, but definitely sounds insecure.

lljkk · 03/12/2023 18:32

MNers are always having threads about how handsome or not people are. "Who do you think is beautiful?" threads. Doesn't bother me.

HRTQueen · 03/12/2023 18:36

She sounds insecure

I have a friend who is always going on how women rule the world, how difficult it is for men now, feminism has only made women’s lives harder and the list goes on

i switch off

Leafysuburb · 03/12/2023 18:41

They could have cast a fantastic French actress as belle but they cast EW with her faux plum in her mouth.

2weeks · 03/12/2023 18:44

I’d have to say something like well she’s prettier than either of us we are no lookers either. Watch her face drop.

ApoodlecalledPenny · 03/12/2023 18:57

Is it catty to start a thread about your friend on Mumsnet?

LakeTiticaca · 03/12/2023 19:06

Do you dissect every word of every conversation you have with friends, to find something that offends you?
Do your friends opinions have align exactly with yours?
Are they allowed to disagree with anything you say?
I'm glad I'm not your friend 😉

Wolvesart · 03/12/2023 19:11

TrustyOldCoaster · 03/12/2023 15:43

She sounds a bit bitchy but I also think Emma Watson wasn’t beautiful enough to play Belle.

She’s prettier than the cartoon Belle

donquixotedelamancha · 03/12/2023 19:17

Given the extent to which Hollywood only casts incredibly attractive women in roles for ordinary people it is a little odd that EW is so often cast in roles where the character is beautiful.

It would be nice if that were a sign of changing times prioritising acting ability but obviously that doesn't explain EW's casting.

Original poster

TheAverageJoanne · 03/12/2023 19:41

LakeTiticaca · 03/12/2023 19:06

Do you jump down everyone's throat each time they have a comment about something?

Is being catty a concept you agree with?

I'm VERY glad you're not my friend.

OP posts:

Alohapotato · 03/12/2023 20:00

jeaux90 · 03/12/2023 16:24

I think it's internalised misogyny yes. Where women hold other women to higher standards than mediocre men for example.

And I'm also not an Emma fan over the JK issue too. JK is amazing.

I'm not from UK, what happened between Emma and JK?

ToWhitToWhoo · 03/12/2023 20:00

I might let go the remarks about celebrities; but the gossip about her personal acquaintances is very unpleasant.

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