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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy friends DC presents?

32 replies

midnightglow29 · 03/12/2023 12:23

I fully expect to be told yes. But if so, some help would be greatly appreciated.
I have 3 friends, and we all have DC (me 2 DC, friend 1- 1 DC, friend 2- 3 DC, friend 3- 2 DC).
I love Christmas, and I always go over the top. This year, one of my friends is expecting another child.
While wrapping all of my friends' children's presents, I came to the realisation I can't afford this every year. My friends never get my DC presents, so I can't use the excuse. we will all save money if we stop. I just loved getting their kids gifts. But I have done it for 8 years. AIBU if I stop next year? And if not any ideas on how I can word this?

OP posts:
wineoclock90 · 03/12/2023 12:24

I'm due Xmas eve. I'm not buying for friends kids this year but getting friends/family one thing and that's it.

Goneforaride · 03/12/2023 12:26

Why wait til next year? Just tell them you've decided not to do it this year on grounds of cost: especially as they don't reciprocate and get your DC gifts in return. Either give the things you've bought to your own kids, if appropriate, or take them back to the shop. You have to stop sometime - why wait?

OutlandInland · 03/12/2023 12:29

I wouldn't even mention it tbh. They are not buying for your children so there doesn't need to be a conversation. The fact that they haven't reciprocated probably means they will feel some sense of relief - it's awkward for most people to accept gifts when they are not in the position to, or don't want to be gifting back. If they don't find it awkward then that would suggest they are a bit grabby.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 03/12/2023 12:34

So 8 years of buying presents that aren't reciprocated? I'm surprised you've lasted that long!

Sceptre86 · 03/12/2023 12:36

Don't mention it, just get a tub of chocolates for them instead. They'll understand that it is due to cost and as they don't reciprocate anyway so will likely be relieved or not fussed.

Nevermind31 · 03/12/2023 12:37

Just don’t do it this year. They can’t really complain given that they don’t reciprocate.

VerticalSausages · 03/12/2023 12:38

I really don’t understand the dilemma given they don’t reciprocate. So many threads like this…

ThinWomansBrain · 03/12/2023 12:40

if they don't reciprocate, why do you need to say anything in advance - just stop
this year.

muddyford · 03/12/2023 12:41

Just stop. Buy the friends a present, then a low value family present like a tub of Heroes or box of biscuits.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 03/12/2023 12:44

8 years of them not reciprocating?
How rude!
I love buying gifts too but even I wouldn't keep doing this!
Give the gifts to your own DC and don't even mention it

gotmychristmasmiracle · 03/12/2023 12:48

I would just suggest that you ask should we all do a secret Santa for the kids this year or not bother due to this cost of living crisis x

Beautiful3 · 03/12/2023 12:49

I used to do the same until I didn't want to, as finances had changed significantly. I started changing the gifts to lindt reindeer, the kids loved those. Then a few years later I changed them to selection boxes. Now I don't really see them anymore, so I don't buy anything.

Wingedharpy · 03/12/2023 12:58

"Just to let you know pals, I'm not doing Christmas gifts outside of family this year. Cost of living and all that..."

Let's them all know so no-one thinks it's just their kids that have been left out.
None of them will think they've upset you in some way.
All of them will be delighted you've stopped it at last.

UseOfWeapons · 03/12/2023 12:59

Used to to do this for all my friends’ children. I don’t have any. Until I realised, that I was spending more on their families than I was on my own. I spoke to the friends involved, and said I simply couldn’t afford to do this any more. They were fine about it, fortunately, because if they hadn’t been, I might have reconsidered our friendship In the light of it. I was buying for all the kids, whether I’d been seeing them regularly or not, their partners that I rarely see, and my friends. As I’m single with no DC, it was too much. Tell they you’re not doing it any more. And you don’t need to apologise! Good luck.

Chalkdowns · 03/12/2023 13:03

Personally I would just stop, or if that feels a bit sudden then downgrade to tiny tokens of chocolate w a Xmas card. Then you can tail off in future. Sometimes it’s better to ease off than to stop suddenly.

Frenchbaguettewithbutter · 03/12/2023 13:04

I have this dilemma except my friends do reciprocate. Thing is my friends almost all have the only children in their families so have no other children to buy for in their families. We have 9 nieces and nephews and over 20 adults to buy for. I really wish I could find the courage to say 'look guys, I'm sorry but I just can't be buying friends kids anymore'... I've chickened out again this year. Maybe next year. I do never spend more than £6 or £7 per child and although that really does add up, in the grand scheme of my Christmas budget, the extra £50 odd doesn't scratch the sides and I justify by saying would I spend £50 to avoid having that conversation.... Yes, yes I would haha.

shakeitoffsis · 03/12/2023 13:04

I announced in October that il just be doing birthday presents from now on. It's a bit close now to announce for this year I think.

StuartSheehyisBack · 03/12/2023 13:06

My friends never get my DC presents, so I can't use the excuse

That doesnt make sense - that is the PERFECT excuse, surely??? "You dont buy for ours, we now wont buy for yours either" they can hardly complain can they 🤔

ItsBaltic · 03/12/2023 13:07

Chalkdowns · 03/12/2023 13:03

Personally I would just stop, or if that feels a bit sudden then downgrade to tiny tokens of chocolate w a Xmas card. Then you can tail off in future. Sometimes it’s better to ease off than to stop suddenly.

I do this too, scale back initially rather and stop all of a sudden. A couple of year of giving a selection box each and then stop.

Wishimaywishimight · 03/12/2023 13:11

I can't believe you have done this for so many years when they don't bother! Why didn't you stop after a couple if years?

Have the children not noticed?

Don't say anything. They are hardly going to have the cheek to ask for their kids presents while they stand there empty handed.

readingismycardio · 03/12/2023 13:11

Don't say anything, just stop doing it and get a refund for all the gifts or sell them on marketplace. This is so rude - always getting gifts but never giving any

girlfriend44 · 03/12/2023 13:13

Knock it all on the head, it's ridiculous.
Kids get enough from their parents, they don't need extra from friends.

You have also identified that it's expensive and stressful so no good reason to keep it going.

theduchessofspork · 03/12/2023 13:15

If they never get your kids presents there is no issue, just stop doing it.

If they did then yes you’d suggest secret Santa system or something

MrsWhites · 03/12/2023 13:18

Take back the gifts you have bought and just don’t say anything, your friends has been rather rude to not reciprocate in 8 years - they could have bought a selection box to at least show willing.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 03/12/2023 13:23

Better for you, their homes and the planet if you stop now. If you want to send a token, a card and box of chocolates for the family is plenty.