To not buy Xmas gifts

[hnwis]

We are hosting Xmas for 15 people - mix of mine & husband's family. The only children are ours who are early teens. Every year we all buy each other stuff for the sake of it but this year, like most, money is tighter. I've said we would prefer to not buy gifts for everyone this year but will be gifting our parents a little something as we see them regularly & they do a lot for us. Stressed we really don't want any gifts ourselves either, but if they want to gift the teens then that's fine as they're still 'young' but no expectation. Is this unreasonable? We get the feeling from the response we're being grinches! And how do we handle those who still insist on buying us gifts, which will leave us feeling v guilty on the day, especially as some will receive gifts from us (parents) & some won't. Should we just buy everyone a box of chocs for the sake of it?!

The point is someone has. Then everyone has to once someone has started buying. It took several years past my 18th birthday for them to figure out to stop gifting to the adults in my generation. It was suggested when they do their sibling gift exchange among my parents and aunts and uncles at Thanksgiving that they start including us cousins in that exchange and stop everyone buying for 18 on up. But for several years this same person would say, I already started even though the idea would be clear that the following year don’t buy for this group. I turned 18, then the next year my cousin and the next year my sister. It really was getting out of hand a number of us were past 18. When I turned 27 I got engaged and finally everyone stopped buying for me and I was officially included in the adult grab bag picking the name of one person to buy for and so was my husband. In 5 years four of us cousins married. 10 years to change tradition. And then when we had kids everyone was buying for them. Including us cousins. Actually after a few years the cousins stopped buying for each others kids, but the great aunts could not help themselves. My kid had 9 great aunts/uncle pairs. And then three sets of grandparents. And then 3 aunts and uncles. And 2 great grandparents. Then us and of course Santa. A few early years cousins with kids were gifting the kids of the cousins. That stopped fast thank goodness. I’m glad everyone was alive and well and a nice big family but I counted 5 gift exchanges and 17 people gifting something to my kid. Santa had to be incredibly minimal. As did us parents. Cause we could not get 14 other people to be modest individually or collectively. He cried no more presents a few years in a row. It was really more about the giver and not the receiver of the gifts most important. When he got a little older we cut out one gift exchange, they still bought for him though. We just could not have that long of a day. And then a few years later yet another another exchange we put our foot down. Too much. One year one of the exchanges was moved a few weeks after Christmas. We hoped it would just be a party and that it would stick. We could manage another gathering on another day. But then they brought it back to Xmas evening and we just could not do morning, then another house with two exchanges and then another house with one at night. It’s a pity I missed so many family members for many years. Can’t be gone 9am to 9pm. Some in the family really struggled to mange a gift for everyone. I felt bad seeing them put so much effort to gift my kid knowing their budget and then seeing him get 10 other gifts that exchange cause so many buying for him. How did that person feel who worked so hard and thought so hard what to gift him when it was just part of a pile of things. He would get the same gift sometimes when little, one went to the next years toy collection for charity. I was not exchanging it for yet another item. That may sound harsh but one gift duplicated was by the same giver. The box looked different front and back and she thought the inside was a different item. Some people were reasonable. Their gift was a book. So doesn’t take much room. Yet occupies a kid for a long time. Or a shirt. Useful and can be donated after if no holes or stains. Took years to calm down. But it’s hard when one person decides they are buying for all the great nieces and nephews so all the other great aunts have to follow suit for the sake of fairness. Course those kids are reaching adulthood now. And some aunts and uncles have passed away. I tried to convince a few gifters to just shop for fun stuff and put the things in a toy drive. It seemed more about the shopping than anything else. Please if someone wants to simplify the holiday exchanges, go along with it. It’s a first world problem, but should Xmas ever be a problem? He is an adult now but I really am still miffed I could not give my kid the Xmas I had growing up with a bunch of presents under the tree and a full stocking because other people could not tone it down. On Xmas eve we would give a gift with one side of the family gifts as well for him. And Santa in the morning he was 3 was 1 dinosaur that made sounds and a stocking with new swim goggles and a few more things and it was in the car at 9:00am to go to grams, then great grams and then great aunts house. No time for Santa gifts anyway. At one point my sister put her foot down and said she was not leaving her house until 11am. She had 3 kids to get through the Santa stuff. Thank God. She also minimized Santa to save time in the morning and did some experiences during the school Christmas break.