Trapped in marriage

[bucksfizz23]

Feeling a bit conflicted lately about life and my marriage. Dh and I generally rub along quite well but there are issues about him that piss me off. I find his attitude on some things really dire. But I suppose that's normal to an extent. Every now and then (maybe only once or twice a year) we'll have massive, toxic rows that are really horrible. Usually caused by stress and short temper rather than any specific relationship issue but pretty bad. We had one the other day and I'm still reeling from it to be honest.

The thing is I genuinely couldn't manage life without him. I don't just mean financially (although he does earn roughly 3 x more than my part time wage) but just in general. We have no family support so I wouldn't even be able to work without him being around to pick up the dc on my working days. Never mind actually go out and have any kind of social life. There's no way I could stay in the house we're in without him, we'd have to downsize massively and even then I wouldn't be able to stay afloat financially on my own. I would hate to have to split time with my dc (I already have one older dc who goes to his dads EOW and I've had to compromise so much and miss out on so much time with him - I don't want that again with my youngest).

So overall it isn't worth splitting and I do love dh, we just don't seem to get along well at times. It made me think if we weren't married or connected by kids and a mortgage, if it were simple and I had support would we still be together? I'm not sure.

Does anyone else feel like they are trapped by circumstance sometimes?

Bump

I don't feel this way thankfully but there was a thread in here a while back which asked- if you were rich, would you still be with your dh? - and the answers in that thread were illuminating. There are scores of women trapped in slightly dis satisfactory marriages. Not bad enough to leave in the circumstances they find themselves, but if money were no object they'd have left.

Could you consider marriage guidance ? You could approach it by saying you find these conflicts really difficult and want to improve your marriage

Not trapped because I just up sticks and leave in that situation. But I'm at a different stage of life from you. Although I've always done it - left a job, left a man, sold a house... Life's too short.

It's not just money, I've been skint many times in life and always coped. Although admittedly it would be much harder with the cost of living now.

It's more the kids. Uprooting them. Having to move. Having to split time with both of my kids is not what I want. I've always said better to have two happy parents apart than two miserable ones together. I don't think it's bad enough to leave but sometimes I just feel disillusioned with how we've turned out as a couple.

Technically yes, although thankfully I have no desire to split up, if I did I think I’d be in a very tricky situation (and so would he - we’d both struggle to manage financially and practically without one another)

Could you get some couples counselling to try to improve your relationship?

Yes, I feel trapped. Financially trapped, and not wanting to see even less of my adult children.

Marriage and long term relationships are always going to have their ups and downs. Sometimes one partner will annoy the other for whatever reason and both partners will have something in their habits that annoy the other. You have to work at them and compromise on things that aren't particularly important but more of a mild annoyance and sort out what is a major issue.

I have friend who won’t split with husband she neither loves nor respects (second marriage in 50s) because she’d have to share half the house and she could never lose face by doing that. She’s jealous, bitter and twisted because of the decisions she’s made. Be careful what you prioritise x