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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how your life changed since 2020?

133 replies

IceAndLemonPlease · 02/12/2023 10:01

Did your life get better or worse since covid happened ?
Mine definitely got worse. Made redundant from a job I was very comfortable in and which I had been in for many years. My colleague passed away at the age of just 39 (Lockdown became too much for her 😞) and DH diagnosed with a second chronic disease which caused a strain on us all. Life just feels very different now in a way I cannot describe. I wish more then anything to go back to 2019 life but I appreciate not everyone feels that way.

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 02/12/2023 11:03

Well I kicked my ex out in November 2019, so 2020 was the year that I began my life as a single mum. Covid sort of tainted my time to shine to be honest. I had just ended a horrible abusive relationship and was looking forward to my fresh start, and then covid came along and tainted my moment.

I just thank fucking god that I didn’t have to spend lockdown with him and I got him out right before covid all kicked off. I dread to think what it would have been like if I hadn’t.

I have since gone on to form a happy and stable life for me and my children, even though covid did put a spanner in the works on my progress at first!

megletthesecond · 02/12/2023 11:07

I'm able to WFH (hybrid) now. Mere administrators didn't have that privilege before covid.
But the pandemic was easy for me, lone parent with no support or social life who likes running. Same old really.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 02/12/2023 11:12

anicecuppateaa · 02/12/2023 10:18

I am happier now. 2019 dd died. 2020 we moved into our house and have finished renovating it from top to bottom. Had more dc. I’m still very sad about dd but my life is fuller and has grown around my grief.

💐 Your positive message in spite of devastating sadness is motivating me to snap out of a depression.

Exhausteddog · 02/12/2023 11:18

I feel guilty that financially our life is so much easier. A council grant and the business interruption loan literally kept our business afloat. Now we have paid off all our debts more profitable than it had been for 10 years or more.

winowin · 02/12/2023 11:19

Worse.
Lockdown took its toll on my relationship and we split last year.
Managed to keep my job but the role has changed and I'm now doing 3 jobs. Lots of colleagues left and new staff and management are rubbish.
Lost 4 family members and 3 friends to Covid.
It doesn't sound awful but the life I had in 2019 seems a lifetime away from how it is now.
Trying to stay positive.

mooncloud1 · 02/12/2023 11:20

HellonHeels · 02/12/2023 10:41

I have 2 lives, 1 before 2020 and one after.

My DH died by suicide during lockdown, it changed everything for me. I had a breakdown, couldn't work. My manager was desperate to get rid of me, work paid me off. I sold the marital home, moved out of London to a new life in a small town in a rural county. My career took an unexpected turn, I still do the same kind of work but in a very different way, that suits me better and pays much more. I would never have had the courage to do this in my old life.

I have a good life now and feel happiness and contentment quite often, but it's sort of rolling along on top of this void of loss and grief. Sometimes I have a look into the void and it swallows me whole, other times I look and move on again.

I'm so so sorry to read this.

Your last paragraph brought me to tears. Hope there are more days you can look past the void than be consumed by it.

winowin · 02/12/2023 11:21

Sorry I meant the role at work has changed and been made bigger so I'm doing the job of 3 people for the same money.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/12/2023 11:21

Better. Disabled husband now wfh full time which makes his life less painful and more manageable. Youngest returned home from uni accommodation and his company is lovely. Our eldest had a child who has enriched all of our lives and we’ve found our home to retire to.

5thCommandment · 02/12/2023 11:25

Lockdown, elected to not be furloughed, pushed myself and completed projects, got promoted. Now work from home 4 days a week, loads of time with the kids, loads of flex based on producing results and just trusted to get stuff done. Cleared mortgage, did the garden with the wife and sometimes take 3 day weekends. Loving life.

OneTC · 02/12/2023 11:34

Became a full time carer for my mum in 2020 and that's had a bigger impact than anything else

bombastix · 02/12/2023 11:42

It's interesting to hear about how careers or business improved from posters; I think home working has benefited a lot of women and exposed a lot of bad or ineffective managers! I talked to a few women in my area with children and we all remarked how our careers had benefitted from home working and the new conferencing tools being used. It's far easier to be heard in Teams and people are consciously included. I think that was very good for lots of people who previously did not get a chance to be visible or speak.

sparkleywallpaper · 02/12/2023 11:51

I thought my DH and I sailed through it . We were both furloughed and spent a lot of time together catching up on TV that we both enjoyed and took our dog out walking once a day.
When lockdown was over we both worked part time in our joint business prior to retiring. DH went back to his hobby which gradually increased with us having virtually no time together. Last August I told him how I felt sad and neglected and he admitted to not wanting our marriage to continue as we had lost our sparkle and friendship. He wanted us to carry on living in the same house as mates. After a short while I knew I couldn't live like that and requested that we formally separated.
My husband has suffered mental health problems for years but medication stabilises him. I hadn't noticed any change in him but obviously this wasn't the case.
To cut a long story short.... we have been very open with each other as he explained how he feels that Covid lockdowns and retirement affected him. He has seen his GP and his medication has been adjusted.
I have become increasingly more independent and it looks like we will be successful in making a go of it.
This is our 2nd marriage and I felt a failure. I hope I don't have to go through it again.
Covid has had a huge affect on me but the sun is shining again.

ActDottie · 02/12/2023 12:08

I think changes for the better because of hybrid working:

  • we bought a house further from the office than if we were going to have to be in every day (back in my home town) - get more for our money here too and it’s in the country
  • we got another dog because doggy daycare fees wouldn’t be needed 5 days a week - got a rescue dog which has always been my dream
  • walking my dogs on my lunch break has been really beneficial to my mental health

Theyre the main two things, basically hybrid working has meant we can change our lifestyle. My work has shrunk its office space down from 4000 to 1800 so pretty confident hybrid working is here to stay as well. And in my industry anyway everything seems to be remote or hybrid working.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 02/12/2023 12:19

Better. I inadvertently found a new career when the pandemic kicked off and am finally doing something that suits me well. Went through a very very rough patch with my marriage but through it and feeling good.

I would say though that I don't feel society has recovered really. There's a brittleness and fragility to everything (including people's finances) that wasn't quite so acute or widespread before covid.

BiddyPop · 02/12/2023 12:23

Life before lockdown was hard with SN DD. High functioning but teen years and their impacts hit hard.

Lockdown meant she lost a lot of her hard won social skills and was removed from the sport she needed.

DH and I still worked FT albeit mostly from home. I switched roles internally the day before lockdown 1, again 2 months later, again 3 months after that, and again 3 months later again. And with 2 of those, I needed to go into the office and parliament at various points. And all completely different topics to what I was doing and had done in the past, and the 2 needing office/parliament time were urgently needed. So plenty of stress.

DH and dd wore me down so we got ddog in early 2021. Who is fine and they (well, he) mostly do as promised on walking and Pooh picking in garden. But she does restrict us going away and doesn't do well (to the point of needing significant vet treatment) when in kennels so needs to come with us essentially.

But - dd was able to set a home gym routine and spend a lot of time focussed on specific skills. So her sport improved and she was selected for regional and national squads as restrictions eased. And she had recovery time for a shoulder injury that had plagued her so was able to go back to her original sport and compete in worlds once more before deciding to dedicate herself to the team sport.

Her school was good about keeping learning going and while she fell behind on some things, not as badly as many others did.

DH got a new job during the lockdowns - moving from private consultancy under US management to the public sector. So still very busy but no longer needing to travel to the UK weekly and constantly under pressure for him and all his teams (he managed 300 in 10 regional teams) to achieve unrealistic targets.

I also finally managed to get a promotion last year (my 13th time trying for this jump) - which I am loving despite the extra pressure. And while I was happy where they put me initially, and making progress, I finally got the chance to move abroad this autumn (I've wanted to for over 20 years but between better candidates or wrong time for family reasons, it never happened) - so I am on the EU mainland for the past 3 weeks and loving it! I will get a proper apartment before Christmas if lease checks are ok next week - which will be my first time living abroad and first time ever living alone. DH will visit once dd has completed leaving cert exams in June (A level equivalent?) and she is trying to decide what to do but actually has in mind 3 Belgian clubs for a year out as an option. So may voluntarily spend time in my presence!

Life, even before my move, is monumentally different to before covid. Lots of bits are not so great but some of those were starting anyway and covid just solidified them. Some things are better. And it definitely resulted in opportunities and chances that wouldn't have happened otherwise.

But because of how things happened, we were phenomenally busy during lockdown and never had the reset or slowdown that many others had. (Absolutely not all - we were busy but not frontline and facing it head on). So I don't have great projects to point to or the list of books I read or fab new recipes/skills I learned - it was work, cooking, housework and essential shopping mostly. And managing dd's needs without any supports available.

DustyLee123 · 02/12/2023 12:25

Worse, not sure if it’s lockdown/covid or peri menopause.
I was going away 3/4 times a year and to gigs, now I’ve not been on holiday since before covid and sold my tickets for a gig last year.

Jewelspun · 02/12/2023 12:26

No change whatsoever.

Thedoctorswife1 · 02/12/2023 12:28

My life is much better. My twins were born end of 2020, Both DH and I have different jobs now, started business - we also moved house. It’s been very busy but mostly much better

EasternStandard · 02/12/2023 12:29

I loathed the approach to the pandemic with a passion, all the lockdowns etc but on the other side the increased flexibility for work in the household has actually been good

Our sector was dire for ft work and it meant women left and men were not so around for dc (not all but generally). More flexibility has really helped

I still loathed that restrictive period though

Dacadactyl · 02/12/2023 12:34

My life hasn't changed that much since 2020 and my whole family emerged unscathed from the pandemic.

However, we were quick to do our own thing the whole time through it and developed a habit of not watching the news, which probably helped.

EmmaEmerald · 02/12/2023 12:36

My sympathies OP 💐

things are so much worse I can't believe it, i knew nothing would ever be the same but I guess I didn't think about how bad it would be

Was minutes away from being a lockdown suicide myself

I yearn for 2019 in ways I can never explain

Now I basically just exist and try not to think about it.

IReallyMissPrince · 02/12/2023 12:41

I’d say overall I am happier and in a better place since 2020.

I have a different, better paid job that I’m mostly happy in. I stopped drinking in 2020, so I’m much healthier. I think the pandemic really put life into perspective for me and I’m much better at living in the moment and being grateful for what I have in my life.

There have been tough times, though. I lost several dear family members during the pandemic and there was the whole thing of not being able to visit in hospital or attend funerals. It was a bleak time, looking back, but I came through it with a greater appreciation for my life and the people in it.

BlueGrey1 · 02/12/2023 12:44

Quite different, WFH full time now, which there are pros and cons to, don’t need to hear all the office politics which drives me mad but I’m quite isolated as for a lot of the week I hardly see anyone.

Bought a house so happy to be out of the rental game and feel more settled for it

Gave up smoking but have recently gone back to it, need to give up again in the new year

Iheartmysmart · 02/12/2023 12:46

Mine has definitely changed, some better but mostly worse. The day lockdown was announced we were all called into the board room at work and told the office was closing permanently and we were not going back. We were packed off home with laptops and that was that. I went from a good social life with my colleagues and friends to being at home on my own.

After working throughout the pandemic while many colleagues were furloughed I got told in October 2021 that I was being made redundant. Fortunately I got a better paying job but it is completely virtual and it gets a bit lonely at times.

It was DS’s 18th birthday on lockdown day, all his plans to be with friends and family were cancelled. His apprenticeship was put on hold and he couldn’t take the A-levels he’d studied hard for. He got very subdued and his old mental health issues reemerged.

My dad died last October without having really left the house since 2020. He had COPD and thought catching Covid would kill him.

My mum had her Parkinson’s repeatedly misdiagnosed over the phone by her GP. Now she’s pretty far advanced and the treatment will be less effective.

A few weeks ago I lost my old dog who was pretty much the only thing that kept me going through the whole bloody thing.

But DS is now happily settled at Uni and I have got a couple of interviews lined up for office based jobs. A lot of people on this thread have had it far worse.

Mimikyuu · 02/12/2023 12:54

2019 I was a skint single mum living on benefits in a run down house.

2020 I met the man of my dreams.

2021 I finished my degree, gave birth to our baby boy and got married!

2022 we bought 2 properties. One we live in a den one we rent out. Life is good.

2023, dropped out of nursing because it’s shit and stressful, got an amazing job at a really awesome company and I could be happier. I can’t believe how much things have changed in 3 years.

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