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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my ex playing games?

17 replies

Xmasvibes · 02/12/2023 08:55

for a bit of a back story me and my ex id say more of a situationship, we’re speaking on and off for three years on social media ( every few months) after he approached me for my contact details when I was out. For the past year of that, me and him grew a lot closed and ended up meeting a few times and got to the point where he was telling me that he loves me and sees a future with me (which we was planning). It was very toxic however and he was very very controlling. Whenever he doesn’t like something or I would refuse to do something he wanted I would be blocked and not spoken too. I ended up finding out the whole time me and him had been getting closer and making a bond he had infact had multiple other girls on the go.

This ended up in me confronting him and him blocking me on every single social media platform. I was very hurt and upset by all of this because our plans had crumbled. Two months into being blocked he messaged me when aboard saying that we should meet up, I told him no and again I was blocked. Five or six months later had came and my previous ex (before the situationship) messaged me telling me that my situationship was messaging him telling him not to stress over me and that I am nothing but a liar and he would never ever speak to me again. This was completely random to me as they are not even friends so it’s strange why they are even in contact over me and the only topic of conversation was infact me.

I ended up making a new Snapchat account to message my ex situationship on. I sent him a message asking him why he is speaking bad on my name and how I am a liar?. He didn’t end up responding to me and actually sent a screenshot to my ex partner of me sending him a friend request. I ended up logging out and back into my Snapchat and then a few days passed. I had seen his user name on my original Snapchat meaning I was no infact unblocked and I logged into the new account I made and he had accepted the request. He was saying things such as a I’m a liar ect but not explaining why, he started sending me Snapchats of him self so I sent him one back and we spoke for about ten minutes. I was on the way to a hair appointment ( I usually wear lace frontal wigs) he was telling me that he loves me with my natural hair out which is something he would always say to me.

We was basically speaking and seeing how each other had been, I ask him if me and him would ever happen again he said all he wants is loyalty and honesty. I told him that I missed him and that I was sorry and I am sorry for hurting him he opened my message left me on read for half an hour after this and then he blocked me. I was left so confused because we was talking it seemed okay and then he just blocked me again. I was still unblocked on my main Snapchat but he clearly didn’t want to speak to me so I am not going to add him.

Three days or so later he ended up adding the new Snapchat account that I made ( I don’t use the account so I didn’t see the request. I messaged him asking if he was okay, and he deleted me once again. After we stopped contact originally he deleted/ made his social media accounts private. Since we spoke he’s now made his accounts un private. I had a look on his instagram and he is following out of over 100 people 1 account that is like an account showing naked woman with bums and boobs out. I don’t know if I’m reaching but all the woman are black ( I am black, which obviously isn’t unusual but we live in a very very small town and I think I am one of the only black people especially girls in it). He follows no other females all males apart from this one account.

OP posts:
SamphiretheTervosaurReturneth · 02/12/2023 09:13

Do you like the attention and drama more than you dislike the emotional pain?

From here the only same thing for you to do is to block him, delete all his contact details and rename him "that mad bastard no sane woman would ever want to know"

The choice is yours, though you seem to have handed him control. You can fix that, if you want to.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 02/12/2023 09:20

Block and move on, there is no happy ending for this relationship.

Bobeepjackass · 02/12/2023 09:21

Hope this doesn't come across rude but how old are you?

You're both acting very immature and I strongly suggest you block him once and for all and try to move on with your life as best you can. (which I realise is easier said than done)

He's shown you time and time again he's not a serious person so don't give him another second of your precious time as the more energy you put into this clown the less you'll have for a genuine guy

twirlywoop · 02/12/2023 09:21

Why do you keep blocking and deleting him on various social media accounts. Just stay away.

Clarinet1 · 02/12/2023 09:24

Whether via Snapchat or anything else, this guy is playing games and messing you around. Do you need that?

DidiAskYouThough · 02/12/2023 09:38

All sounds incredibly childish and tedious. No need for any of that nonsense, only ever date high quality, intelligent men who are feminists, fully functional adults. Significantly raise your standards to the extent that pointless drama like this aren’t on your radar.

greencheetah · 02/12/2023 09:41

Are you very young? This all sounds incredibly immature.

Just block him and try to recover your self respect.

DaisysChains · 02/12/2023 10:06

Pretty sure this type of guy just scrolls through his contacts fishing for sex/entertainment.

When you didn’t immediately bite he involved your previous ex.

Now you are back on his hook squirming around trying to ‘work him out’.

You are not a worm, unhook yourself, block everywhere, and if he tries to get your attention ignore him

Actions speak louder than words so regardless of what he has said his actions have been confusing, contradictory & entirely selfish.

Another MNer used a great phrase - cock is abundant, easy to find & of low value - so if you want a relationship best to find one attached to a man who honest & respects you, not this muppet.

DatingDinosaur · 02/12/2023 10:20

You're both playing games.

nutbrownhare15 · 02/12/2023 10:40

Just ignore any attempt for him to contact you and never contact him again. You've already said the relationship was controlling, he was seeing others behind your back, you don't like who he's following. It can be hard to move on from relationships but you will gain nothing from going back there, and it will stop you moving on to a future without all this stress and drama where you will have the chance to meet a partner who actually respects and cares for you (it's clear he doesn't whatever he says).

Mothership4two · 02/12/2023 11:59

From Simply Psychology:

Narcissistic baiting refers to a tactic used by narcissistic individuals to “bait” or provoke an emotional reaction from others.
A narcissist will deliberately employ manipulative strategies to elicit emotional responses, typically negative ones, from their target in order to satisfy their narcissistic needs.
Narcissists crave attention and admiration, known as narcissistic supply. They use baiting to elicit emotional reactions and garner attention from their targets, providing the narcissist with the validation they seek.
Additionally, narcissists may use baiting to divert attention away from their own flaws, mistakes, or negative behaviors. Baiting can be used as a deflection tactic, shifting the focus onto the emotional reactions of others rather than addressing their own issues.
Witnessing the emotional turmoil or distress caused by their actions reinforces their belief in their own superiority and power over others. It feeds their inflated sense of self-worth and validates their need for control.

Narcissistic Supply

What is Narcissistic Supply?

Narcissistic supply refers to the attention, admiration, and validation that narcissists seek from others in order to maintain their inflated self-image and sense of self-importance. This "supply" can come in various forms, such as compliments, praise,...

https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-supply.html

DidiAskYouThough · 02/12/2023 12:04

It’s not that deep, the bloke is just shagging about. The logical thing to do is just ignore him, adults don’t indulge in pointless dramas or analysing potential personality disorders in crap men.

TheShellBeach · 02/12/2023 12:08

Can't you just ignore him?
Confused

OliveWah · 02/12/2023 15:03

I agree with PPs, you both sound very immature - I wouldn't be surprised to hear friends of my 15 year old DD having this type of conversation, rather than adults. Even then, I highly suspect the advice from the 15 year old's friends would be to throw this one back!

He sounds like a waste of space, and you need higher standards - look how easily you let him weasel his way back in to your good graces after he repeatedly blocked you and went out of his way to get in contact with another of your exes simply to badmouth you!

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 02/12/2023 21:05

I'm exhausted just reading that. Sounds like you're as bad as each other tbh

Monikalove · 10/12/2023 03:21

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