Death of Close Friends Parent

[Bleakmidwinter1977]

A friend and I lost contact around 7 years ago, after a falling out about borrowing money.
We were very close when we were young, her home was a second home for me and her parents welcomed me like a daughter.
I've just found out that Mum passed away a month ago. Totally devastated for my friend who was very close to Mum.
I want to reach out and pass on my condolences but I'm worried my contact will be unwelcome and whether its better to just move on.

Everyone is different so it’s hard to say what your former friend specifically would want, but I think most people wouldn’t find a respectful card with condolences unwelcome. Do you want to try and reconcile or are you happy to leave things as they are?

Depends how bad the falling out was, but if it was just a ´normal’ argument then a card or something would be a nice thing to do, death tends to put everything else into perspective and if you knew her mum well it would be perfectly reasonable to send condolences.

Well, it depends a bit on the nature of your argument (who owed who etc). But these things can bring you together. An honest, heart felt feeling of sympathy doesn’t normally go amiss but only you know what happened.
Im sorry for her loss and yours too. It hurts when someone positive from your childhood goes.

I would send a card to let her know that you are thinking about her. Be careful not to make it about your shock and loss.

To be honest, as the person on the other side, I wouldn’t want contact.

I was in a similar situation earlier this year (my father died) and a friend I hadn’t spoken to for nearly ten years contacted me. She had ghosted me (not that I had heard that term then!). I didn’t appreciate her contacting me in the midst of my grief. She’d had ten years to contact me. It made me cross- like she was encroaching.

Obviously, this is a personal anecdote and you should figure out what is right for you.

When my mum died I was very pleased to get cards from old friends I hadn't heard from for years. I think if your condolences are heartfelt then it will be nice for her to receive. I got a lot of comfort from reading people's memories of my mum.

In situations like this is is always better to reach out.