Birthday gift / Christmas gift

[Bleakmidwinter1977]

2 adult children acknowledged 3 younger siblings and parent/step-parent birthdays this year with text message only (after receiving birthday gifts from siblings and parents themselves). Both working, good income, gifts for dad and others plastered all over social media by the "other" family.

2 other adult children acknowledged younger siblings birthdays with visits and gifts, both in uni, limited budgets, made an effort to travel to celebrate siblings special days.

Now Christmas is here. Not particularly wanting to purchase gifts for older children who can't be bothered to acknowledge younger siblings.

AIBU to gift presents to those who can be bothered to make an effort for younger siblings?

Only if you want to start a huge blow up over Christmas!

Just speak to them before hand and say you are not happy that they do this rather than make a huge public statement by buying for some, but not all, of the older children from the younger ones.

You shouldn't give gifts in order to receive them. The 2 events are unrelated. Each person makes a choice whether to give a gift or not. You'd be very petty not to give an adult DC a gift because they didn't buy a gift or travel for a younger sibling. It is up to the younger siblings whether they wish to give a gift to an adult sibling who didn't give a birthday gift to them. As a parent your job is to treat all DC the same. I'm wondering if the older DC are step children? They often get treated less well by a parent.

You should treat all kids the same regardless of how they treat you/ their other siblings

time for a conversation with them around how they behave with siblings

All mine, DH step dad to 2.

Did everyone want presents? My brother and I haven't exchanged birthday presents for years.

Thanks for the feedback.
I agree, giving is not about receiving, I'm just disappointed that some of our older children are so dismissive of their younger siblings.
We have always been very generous with gifts, both birthday and Christmas for all our children, and their leaving out the younger siblings feels very pointed and petty.
I will continue to "turn the other cheek" and gift all older children equally, mainly so as not to create the big blow up suggested. Next year I will invite all over for younger siblings birthdays and make more of an effort to involve rather than waiting for them to involve themselves.