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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Secret Santa

10 replies

Random133 · 01/12/2023 18:41

My workplace often have collections/events that cost money. Pooling together for the lottery, collections for birthdays etc. I work in the smallest department (10 person team compared to other teams being 100+). Our team has the most collections as one member of staff constantly has ideas for stuff. Recently they decided they're doing secret santa and asked who wanted to join. They said £15 and I said no thanks, money is too tight. Not only am I skint but I'm also being really strict with my budgets this year as I have a tendency to buy for buyings sake and think these kind of gifts are a waste of money - I don't know my team on a personal level and would likely be gifted something I don't want/can't use. Someone then chipped in that we can do £10 if it makes things better and I still said no, I don't have the cash to spare. They're now in cahoots about drawing names next week and are including me in the list despite my insistence I'm not doing it. They've also put the cost back up to £15. This isn't the first time they've included me in costly stuff that I've said no to - they once wanted to order food and I said no as I didn't like the food/couldn't afford it - they ordered it anyway and expected me to pay. I know they can't exactly take the money out of my wallet but I feel under pressure now and don't know how many more times I can say no.

Curious what others think. Maybe I should be more festive/be more willing to join in? Or am I right to put in boundaries? It's not that I don't literally have £15 in my account but if I spent that on a colleague I'd have £15 less for the kids/partner/parents or to go towards bills etc which I think is unfair & also just seems pointless to buy a random gift for someone who is essentially a stranger.

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 01/12/2023 19:05

If you have said no, then they can't expect you to join in. If they ask for your contribution it's quite alright to refuse and say "but I am not taking part". As you know they have added your name, tell whoever is organising it to take it out.

I would probably go along with it for the sake of the team, but agree with your sentiment and have ended up with unwanted tat in the past - it's all a bit wasteful and not good for the environment

Birch101 · 01/12/2023 19:12

Honestly we need to stop buying crap for the sake of it then moaning we have no money.
One year it was baubles for my team, mine was not to my taste and personalized so couldn't even pass it on!

Stick to your guns write an email to them all Inc organiser and say that as you have told them you are not participating in the secret Santa.

Don't feel bad for not getting involved in work collections my only caveat would be for someone who has gone through a loss a kind gesture and thought is always appreciated.

Our team is middle size e.g. 30 so we don't do birthdays but do maternity gifts, retirement etc and I've only ever put in £5 tops

Fairygoblin · 01/12/2023 19:14

I dropped out of the work Secret Santa a long time ago, I only ever got shit presents while I made an effort to get something nice for my recipient! Stick to your guns

ChocolateCinderToffee · 01/12/2023 19:15

Just pray you draw the organiser's name and don't get them anything if you do!

booksforever · 01/12/2023 19:16

I used to decline the works Secret Santa as I had other groups that I was involved in for their Secret Santa. Always enjoyed watching other people opening their gifts but stuck to my decision.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/12/2023 19:16

I usually love Secret Santa, I'm sitting it out this year as they're doing generic gifts. I like to actually put some thought into it, not buy a scented candle for the sake of it.

If you don't want to be involved, reiterate you're not taking part and don't pick a name. If they put your name in and someone draws you, that's for the organiser to solve.

CesareBorgia · 01/12/2023 19:20

However they give you your recipient name, don't accept it - if it's an email, reply straightaway saying you will not be taking part.

They shouldn't be pestering people like this - there might be all sorts of reasons why people don't want to take part - if they carry on not taking no for an answer, I would consider making a complaint to the manager.

Inyourwildestdreams · 01/12/2023 19:21

Definitely send an email opting out again!

I do SS in my current work place. Small team of 6, all know each other v.well and get on great. £10 budget and we exchange gifts at our team Xmas meal. We always aim some something personal that we know the other will like.

Last work place was a team of 20 instead of picking names it was just a generic gift 🙄 £20 budget, wrap gift and sit it on a table then everyone takes one that wasn’t theirs. Absolutely pointless and just everyone throwing away money IMO. I opted out of that one.

Ktime · 01/12/2023 19:27

If you keep giving them money after you’ve already said no then they will see you as a soft touch.

Email them clearly saying you’re not taking part and won’t be giving a secret Santa or accepting one.

Then when they’re doing the secret Santa, make sure you’re not there by going to another room.

avidteadrinker · 01/12/2023 19:51

at our work secret Santa, we have to gift something we already own but don’t mind giving away … I unfortunately drew the managers name so I’m tossing up between an unused cocktail utensil kit and the book “the subtle art of not giving a f**k” 😂

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