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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel weird/uncomfortable with this

19 replies

PicAloe · 01/12/2023 14:51

Sooo I'm sure I'm just overthinking but want some opinions. My BF is 25 nearly 26, we don't live together right now but we are working on it. I still live at home about 1.5 hours away from him, we spend weekends together.
At work he has 4 friends, 3 are women, one guy, they go for drinks together on a Thursday after work. One of the women is new, she's an intern and only works there twice a week around uni, she's 18.
Last night I called him while he was out (urgent) I accidentally pressed FaceTime instead of normal but he answered anyway. Once I'd sorted what needed sorted I asked for a look around to see the pub and he said "say hi to ...." 18 year olds name. I asked where everyone else was and he said they'd already left.
They both live close to each other and he seems to be talking about her more then before. He's also a fair bit older especially in comparison to her being 18.

AIBU to feel a bit weird and uncomfortable about this? Why wouldn't they just leave when everyone else did?

OP posts:
ManateeFair · 01/12/2023 14:59

This wouldn't bother me at all. In my experience people usually leave these things in dribs and drabs, according to when they've had enough to drink, or the time of the bus home, or whatever. When I go out for drinks with colleagues it starts with about 10 people and then people go home when they're ready and it could very easily end up with two people left because they were just starting a pint when a couple of other people said 'Right, my train's in ten minutes so I'm off now'.

The fact that she's 18 is neither here nor there. She's an adult and they're colleagues. You can't expect him to treat someone he works with like a child.

JenniferJuniper80 · 01/12/2023 15:00

Ffs .
I'd give my opinion but I'd be berated by the usual mumsnet crowd.

He's fine. You're fine. You called him at the end of an evening. Intern had no idea when she should leave.

SoRainbowRhythms · 01/12/2023 15:01

Why wouldn't they just leave when everyone else did?

Because they're 2 colleagues enjoying a drink? Why should they?

YeahIsaidit · 01/12/2023 15:02

You're being a bit ridiculous. If he was doing anything he shouldn't have been he'd hardly have held the phone up to say hi, their age doesn't matter a jot either, it's purely another adult colleague. Men and women can be friends/workmates

betterangels · 01/12/2023 15:04

Yeah, why does it matter how old she is? Anyway, you probably shouldn't move in with a man you don't trust. That's your issue.

justonemoreuser · 01/12/2023 15:09

You "accidentally" facetimed him, for an "urgent" reason while he was out, then insisted he turn the phone about to show who he was with in the pub? Yeah, sure.

Birch101 · 01/12/2023 15:12

When I was 18 my bf was 24
It could just be they are chatting and have things in common, on the face of it it wouldn't bother me

divinededacende · 01/12/2023 15:59

Friendship groups in work that form based on who wants to go get pissed after work tend to create quite mixed crowds. It's nothing to worry about in itself. Also, he said "say hi to...", it's not like he's hiding anything or being inappropriate in any way.

If you have a tendency towards insecurity, be mindful of it, don't make it his problem unless he actually does something questionable.

RampantIvy · 01/12/2023 16:04

TBH the mentionitis would make me start to worry.

determinedtomakethiswork · 01/12/2023 16:13

I would feel the same as you. I think at your ages, then relationships often don't last and if he's going out drinking with another woman, then I can see why you would be worried about your own relationship with him.

divinededacende · 01/12/2023 16:14

RampantIvy · 01/12/2023 16:04

TBH the mentionitis would make me start to worry.

You mean him talking about her more in general? I mean, I suppose that depends on how proportionate it is to how much he mentions his other drinking buddies.

Autumnleaves89 · 01/12/2023 16:16

justonemoreuser · 01/12/2023 15:09

You "accidentally" facetimed him, for an "urgent" reason while he was out, then insisted he turn the phone about to show who he was with in the pub? Yeah, sure.

This!!!

Allfur · 01/12/2023 16:17

It us a bit odd, yes, but what's so urgent you need to call him

Autumnleaves89 · 01/12/2023 16:20

Allfur · 01/12/2023 16:17

It us a bit odd, yes, but what's so urgent you need to call him

VIDEO called him then asked him to “show her the pub”?!!

gloriawasright · 01/12/2023 23:59

RampantIvy · 01/12/2023 16:04

TBH the mentionitis would make me start to worry.

This
It was the first thing I noticed when my ex was having an affair.
The name dropping.
I just knew right then.
All men are faithful ,until they aren't.

Kedece2410 · 02/12/2023 00:02

justonemoreuser · 01/12/2023 15:09

You "accidentally" facetimed him, for an "urgent" reason while he was out, then insisted he turn the phone about to show who he was with in the pub? Yeah, sure.

Exactly!!!

I'd say he has more to be worried about than you have.

iamtheiliad · 02/12/2023 00:32

When I used to go for after work drinks I would often be the last one left drinking with whoever else was happy to stay. I was just a night owl who lived alone so enjoyed the company, I wasn’t shagging any of them and never wanted to so I wouldn’t find it weird that they didn’t go home when everyone else did. He seemed happy to show you that he was with just her and wasn’t acting weird or secretively so I don’t see anything suspicious in how he’s acting personally.

Bex5490 · 02/12/2023 11:32

I think the fact that he talks about her casually and was keen to introduce you over FaceTime probably shows there’s nothing to worry about.

LambriniBobinIsleworth · 02/12/2023 11:38

There are times I've had to ring my DH urgently, but I've never then done it on video and asked him to show me his surroundings. That's weird as fuck.

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