To think job market is tough and just suck it up with stressful job

[Perspectivechange]

Got a recent promotion and have a young DC. I manage to work 4 day week and do most of the household chores etc along with a part time course. DH is in between jobs and looks after DC when needed. He gets easily frustrated by the toddler and keeps shouting at him from the morning till evening. DC goes to nursery 3 days and rest of days at home.
My new role is very stressful and I regret taking the promotion. It means I am better off by a grand each month but more stress. I feel like looking for a new role but the job market is tough and I want to start TTC from next month.
DH is looking for a new job and have ongoing interviews. He is overall a decent person but he doesn't understand that toddlers don't always follow every instruction given to them. I feel constantly stressed at work and then at home with all the back and forth.
I am feeling like I can't cope or rest for even a second and even a day out ends up in arguments between DH and me as I have to tell him to stop shouting and having these unnecessary expectations of a child.
I am not sure what to do, just feel like I can't cope with all of it and need a break but have no family or help around.
I don't even know what is the solution but feel like I should look for a new role but the job market seems dry and job cuts news everywhere. Can anyone give me any suggestions.

Anyone?

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I can definitely relate with the work experience, it sounds very similar- I would like to change jobs but also want to consider Ttc for 2nd next year so don't know if it's just a terrible time to move jobs. I also earn a relatively high wage for my sector and I think I would struggle to get the same elsewhere due to current job market. Have you spoken to your DH about how you feel? To me, it sounds like he has unrealistic expectations of a young toddler. Look up Sarah Ockwell Smith, her books are really useful for this sort of thing. But talking to your DH is key, you need to outline how tough you're finding it. If he was calmer and more supportive with the child you might feel you had more breathing space to really think about work situation clearly.

I don't think the job market is doing too badly. There's a lot of stories about it, but I've not seen any evidence of it myself. Obviously that may depend on your industry.

Nothing at all to stop you looking and trying anyway.

The other thing I'd say is you should consider speaking to your employer about how stressful you find work. Is there scope to dial back on a few things? Or could you go back to your old role pre promotion? Less money but an easier life?

Thanks @HettyMeg and sorry to hear you are in a Similar situation. I think I need to tell my employer. I have moved to a different department though. Don't think I can go back to my previous role.

@ScarlettSunset I am in civil services and they have announced that they will be reducing headcount next year and putting recruitment freeze. That has also stressed me out. Their maternity leave policy is generous hence I feel like sucking it up and staying until maternity leaves.

Honestly OP it sounds like none of your issues are your job, but are in the first three sentences.

Is your DH supportive of your plan to TTC? If he’s struggling to patiently parent one child, how is throwing a new baby into the mix going to help?

Why are you going to TTC? Your husband can’t cope with the one you have already. You wouldn’t be feeling as stressed out if you weren’t doing it all at home too.

I think your DH needs to go on a parenting course, he's lacking empathy. His job right now is to nurture your child and his performance review indicates training is needed!
Surely he doesn't want his child to be shouted at every day, if someone else was shouting at his child would he accept it!? No, likely not, so the only reason he doesn't see a problem is because he's indulging his own frustrations. A parenting course might help him manage himself and the child better, hopefully before irreversible harm is done to the poor toddlers self image 😭

Stop TTC and sort out the issues with your husband who is shouting at a toddler. They are frustrating and tiring but he needs to step up and parent properly and also do the lions share of the chores. Plus what if he is unemployed for quite a period of time it will be a big financial strain so chucking in another baby sounds like a recipe for a future divorce.

Don't have another baby with your DH who is a shit parent to the one you have. He doesn't have a job and doesn't do the chores. What is the point of him?

I feel for your toddler. The shouting needs to stop. Why on earth would you TTC before your DH shows he can cope with and be a good dad to the one you have?

This! He’s not working and your child is in nursery three days a week; shouldn’t he be doing all of the chores?

Do not even consider having another child with this man.

Yep pause the plan for another baby that certainly won't help. Can your DH not take any other job meanwhile like supermarket delivery or similar. He's probably bored and thus is leading to frustration. Also why is it all on you to earn the money this is adding to your stress ! Speak to your boss.. in civil service you should be able to get some support but i dont know if work is your main cause of stress.

Thanks for all your replies. I have told him so many times to not shout at DC and do something productive with his time. He seems to be getting frustrated with the job search and parenting. I really feel like I can't cope at this point and my mental health is taking a dive.

Yeh so a Frank conversation is needed about him stepping up.

You can tell him not to shout, but if he agreed it know how it would have happened by now.
So he either doesn't see a problem with a toddler being shouted at every day... Or he needs help getting skilled up on alternative responses/management of the triggers/behaviour and some insight into child development.
If he also doesn't like shouting but just doesn't have anything else in his tool box, that's fixable. If he's happy to be an aggressive dad.. that's something else

You're struggling to cope.
You do pretty much everything - work, clean up at home, study and also parent.

You husband :
parents ineffectively,
is 'looking' for work
does very little round the house
doesn't sound very supportive of you either

Your problem is pretty clear. It certainly won't be helped by having another child.

Well you’re not coping with things as they are so having another baby isn’t going to help.

So whatever you do, don’t do that.