Never see Dh | Mumsnet

BettyBoo000 · 2023-11-30T20:49:25+00:00

Hi my eldest dh age 17 moved out two months ago to her dads who I split from years ago. I am not on speaking terms with him and haven’t been for years. I have another dh and only two bed rooms so space was an issue. Problem is I have seen my dh twice since then. Dh has a boyfriend who sees dh about four to five times a week. I miss dh very much and want to see dh on their own to even have a cuppa but never do and if I do say pop over the boyfriend is always with them. I feel left out and dh sees more of the boyfriends mum than me now. I know we all grow up someday but I feel gutted is this normal is anyone similar?

CaroleSinger · 30/11/2023 20:51

Your husband has a boyfriend??

NuffSaidSam · 30/11/2023 20:52

I think you mean DD?

NuffSaidSam · 30/11/2023 20:53

Have you tried reaching out to her? Tell her you miss her and would love a cuppa and a catch-up.

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 20:54

I know I’ve realised I’ve messed it up I’m new here

OP posts:

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 20:56

CaroleSinger · 30/11/2023 20:51

Your husband has a boyfriend??

I’m meant dd my child.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 30/11/2023 20:56

Haven't got a clue to who's who here OP.

Do you mean your daughter/son or your husband has a boyfriend?

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 20:57

NuffSaidSam · 30/11/2023 20:53

Have you tried reaching out to her? Tell her you miss her and would love a cuppa and a catch-up.

Yes I have the last time the boyfriend was there so couldn’t really chat

OP posts:

gamerchick · 30/11/2023 20:58

Have you tried having a chat with her? Ask her to maybe go out and have some time together?

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 20:58

gamerchick · 30/11/2023 20:56

Haven't got a clue to who's who here OP.

Do you mean your daughter/son or your husband has a boyfriend?

i meant my child so dd. Apologies don’t know how to amend the post

OP posts:

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 20:59

NuffSaidSam · 30/11/2023 20:52

I think you mean DD?

Yes my daughter

OP posts:

gamerchick · 30/11/2023 20:59

Don't apologise. It's better than the picture I had in my head though.

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 21:01

gamerchick · 30/11/2023 20:59

Don't apologise. It's better than the picture I had in my head though.

Lol 😂 I crack myself up lol I am single have been for years better off with a dog but yes it’s my daughter thought I was doing this right

OP posts:

SleepingBeautySnores · 30/11/2023 21:02

I know everything seems to be done by text these days, but couldn't you just call your DD and tell her you miss her and would like to spend some girly time with her?

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 21:04

gamerchick · 30/11/2023 20:58

Have you tried having a chat with her? Ask her to maybe go out and have some time together?

Well i I’m spoke to her tonight boyfriend was there, they were watching something on tv. I said can she come over just herself and she said she is busy until Monday maybe she will see. I just miss her and want to spend time as the the three of us again I’m dreading Christmas as i feel I will never see her

OP posts:

BrutusMcDogface · 30/11/2023 21:06

If people read the thread properly, it’s obvious you mean daughter.

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 21:10

SleepingBeautySnores · 30/11/2023 21:02

I know everything seems to be done by text these days, but couldn't you just call your DD and tell her you miss her and would like to spend some girly time with her?

I think you’re right I think I’ll book a spa day or something. Just miss her and it’s weird not having her around. I know she is grown up but it’s me doing the texting hardly ever get a response and no visits. When I do phone I get told I’m at my boyfriends house or I’m busy it’s just sad

OP posts:

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 21:11

BrutusMcDogface · 30/11/2023 21:06

If people read the thread properly, it’s obvious you mean daughter.

Yes my daughter i dont know how to amend post

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 30/11/2023 21:14

So did she move out just because of the room issue? At this age they do tend to stick like glue to each other. She's growing up and it's unfair to want 'the three of you ' time doesn't stand still. I'm not being harsh, just honest. I can remember suddenly questioning why I once felt very down and realised that I missed my DD when she moved out. She was 19. During the teen years the relationship can have a bit of a blip. Don't use emotional blackmail, guilt tripping etc. remind yourself that she's becoming an adult and it's normal to want your own space. You have to welcome him, or you won't see much of her. You aren't entitled to her time, perhaps get more of your own interests. Things will improve.

wherethewildtbingsgo · 30/11/2023 21:17

If it's any consolation I think this is fairly normal teenage behaviour in relation to a parent they don't live with. I stopped staying over at my dads when I was a youngf teenager as I just didn't want to anymore and then my teen years were mainly filled with my boyfriend. I did actually spend an awful lot of time at his parents house so probably saw them more than my dad. Now that I'm an adult I'm close to my dad and see him often (at least once a week) and we have a good relationship. Just keep doing what you're doing, text her, ring her, organise things as much as you can and drop in on her. Ultimately just hang in there and let her know you love her and you're always there and I'm sure you wjll maintain a close bond.

What I will say though is that it's worth including her boyfriend as much as possible even if you don't want to. If she's very into him she will want him included so it will probably mean you see her more.

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 21:19

Ponoka7 · 30/11/2023 21:14

So did she move out just because of the room issue? At this age they do tend to stick like glue to each other. She's growing up and it's unfair to want 'the three of you ' time doesn't stand still. I'm not being harsh, just honest. I can remember suddenly questioning why I once felt very down and realised that I missed my DD when she moved out. She was 19. During the teen years the relationship can have a bit of a blip. Don't use emotional blackmail, guilt tripping etc. remind yourself that she's becoming an adult and it's normal to want your own space. You have to welcome him, or you won't see much of her. You aren't entitled to her time, perhaps get more of your own interests. Things will improve.

I know it’s life and growing up. Did you get to see your daughter on her own when she moved out? It’s just hard adjusting I guess one minute it’s me her and her sister to just me and my youngest I just miss her but I hear what you’re saying x

OP posts:

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 21:23

wherethewildtbingsgo · 30/11/2023 21:17

If it's any consolation I think this is fairly normal teenage behaviour in relation to a parent they don't live with. I stopped staying over at my dads when I was a youngf teenager as I just didn't want to anymore and then my teen years were mainly filled with my boyfriend. I did actually spend an awful lot of time at his parents house so probably saw them more than my dad. Now that I'm an adult I'm close to my dad and see him often (at least once a week) and we have a good relationship. Just keep doing what you're doing, text her, ring her, organise things as much as you can and drop in on her. Ultimately just hang in there and let her know you love her and you're always there and I'm sure you wjll maintain a close bond.

What I will say though is that it's worth including her boyfriend as much as possible even if you don't want to. If she's very into him she will want him included so it will probably mean you see her more.

Thank you i appreciate it. I know I met her dad when I was 19 and we were always together. It resonates what you say I’m glad I asked tonight as sometimes it just needs a different perspective thank you x

OP posts:

Unicorn34 · 30/11/2023 21:42

My dd left home just as she turned 18. She came back to me (emotionally but didn't move in) at about 22, and we are closer than ever. I've heard girls tend to do this so I hope that she returns to you soon, just leave the door open for her.

Original poster

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 21:49

Unicorn34 · 30/11/2023 21:42

My dd left home just as she turned 18. She came back to me (emotionally but didn't move in) at about 22, and we are closer than ever. I've heard girls tend to do this so I hope that she returns to you soon, just leave the door open for her.

Thank you xxx I appreciate that xx

OP posts:

MarleyandMarleyWoo · 30/11/2023 21:50

Yea pretty normal for her age I’d say. Easy to get wrapped up in their own stuff. You’ll be making a mistake to keeep pushing the fact you want to see her on her own as she’ll take that as you actively not wanting to see the boyfriend, which won’t go down well. Just let it be.

Ponoka7 · 01/12/2023 11:13

BettyBoo000 · 30/11/2023 21:19

I know it’s life and growing up. Did you get to see your daughter on her own when she moved out? It’s just hard adjusting I guess one minute it’s me her and her sister to just me and my youngest I just miss her but I hear what you’re saying x

Show quote history

I see a pp has said that it was around 22 that the relationship was better. I agree and was going to say the same. The relationship is different, of course because you are both adults, but that brings positives. Going for food/drinks, Christmas markets etc. I've found that as my three DD,'s get to 30 I'd rather not go on holiday with them. So your relationship will change throughout the years. My eldest likes me to put up her Christmas tree, I do childcare for my middle and support my youngest (autism). This is just one of those changes, like when you realise they aren't babies anymore, or when they start school, tell you to get out of the bathroom etc.