Dear Sirs

[Dearsirs2024]

Name changed for this but regular poster.

Currently in the process of selling my house and buying a different one. Both myself and my solicitor are female and both have feminine names. My buyer’s solicitor addresses every single email that we are sent or copied into ‘dear sirs’.

It is really starting to piss me off and I’m considering once all is complete writing a letter of complain to the solicitors company.

AIBU? Or should I just let it go?

I would be annoyed too OP. If they can't use your name for whatever reason then the least they should do is Dear Sir/Madam.

I like this wording.

@Cantrushart

in a casual setting I’d go with (and probably use) guys, sirs feels too formal and as a female, when I’m selling a house, that I bought with my own money that I bought from having my own job to buy another house that I’m funding also with my own money when everyone else in the chain is referred to by first names (and short names by this point) does feel a little sexist and like the world might need a push to move on.

New Zealand law firms moved away from this in the 1990s (my female colleague and I were addressed as “Mesdames” once - we had to look that up).

About time English law firms moved into this century. I would complain. Things won’t change unless people speak up.

As a female lawyer it bothers me massively if I’m referred to as “Sir”. I suppose now the police might care to get involved if I complain I have been misgendered.

Complain! I can't believe how long it's taking the legal sector to move on from this. Until they start hearing it from clients, nothing will change.

Lawyers in old fashioned backwards twats shocker.

Hurray! 👏👏👏 @madroid has worded it perfectly.

’Dear Sirs’ is outdated and so is telling women they should not complain or call out blatant sexism because they ‘ will not be taken seriously’

Compared to the fact that 2 women get killed every week in the UK by an intimate partner?

NBD. Middle class feminist concerns.

Also I like the Dickensian vibe of Dear Sirs. Makes me think of counting houses on Cheapside and old curiousity shops. Bob Cratchit wrapping his long scarf once more around his shoulders and bending forward to pen a letter....

By all means put in a complaint afterwards but don't expect it to be taken seriously. The person writing the letter will be under strict instructions to address all correspondance in that way. You have no idea how insistant some older partners can be about stuff like that. In most workplaces I doubt anyone would care how a letter was addressed so long as it was polite but in some legal firms this sort of thing is policy and will take a generation to be changed.

It's antiquated and sexist. If you are paying the bill, complain. My solicitor calls me Roses and I call her Fiona. She's a Partner. We are a quarter of the way through the 21st Century.

Equally poor is my NHS GP's habit of calling me Roses and expecting me to call him and his partners Dr something. If I had to settle the bill directly it wouldn't happen. Again, it's the 21st Century and the last time a grown up expected me to use their title whilst using my first name was at school in 1978.

We used to do this when I started out as a solicitor more than 20 years ago, and it was old-fashioned then. The idea is that you say “sirs” because you are writing to the firm rather than to an individual but even that doesn’t work because most firms have both male and female partners. I would definitely say something.

My kids’ school writes to my husband and me as “Mr and Mrs Hisname Surname”. Surely this stuff belongs in the past.

Oh I don't know, if I had to train 7 years as a medic I'd want people to call me Dr too. Also doctors are meant and trained to keep professional distance from patients so insisting on their title when practising is just good practice, for me.

I understand why people laugh at Jill Biden's insistence on being called Dr Jill Biden, totally. That's just precious. But for medical doctors, I prefer that.

I've no objection to addressing a Dr with the respect andncourtesy of their title. However, if that is what they wish, I expect them to address me with the respect andncourtesy of my title rather than assuming they may use my first name. I am not their subordinate because they have studied for seven years. Architects, lawyers, accountants do the same and are not awarded honorary titles.

Most medical doctors (physicians and surgeons) do not have a DPhil, and have not earnt the title. It is purely honorary unless they also have a PhD.

@GiveMeSpanakopita actually, by virtue of being awarded a PhD, I don't think Jill Biden is remotely precious, providing she uses titles for those with whom she deals to make the relationship mutually respectful.

I work in a legal-related area. All our letters were sent out with "Dear sirs" until embarrassingly recently. There was some debate as to what we could replace it with as a standard wording without having to customise it every time, and in the end it seems like we gave up hope of finding a good option. They now say "Dear recipient", which seems a bit shit TBH, but hopefully is less likely to actually cause offence!

Keeping professional distance is reasonable. But by the same token the doctor should address Roses as she chooses, e.g., Ms Hellebores.

She doesn't have a PhD - I agree that would be impressive. She's got a doctorate in education which is different in the US and regarded as 'below' a PhD in academic requirements - much shorter thesis, no viva, etc etc

That's why people laugh at her

@Aaron95 you say that most people wouldn't mind how they were addressed

I beg to differ

How do you think male law firm partners would react to being addressed as "Dear Mesdames"?

It's 2024, DEI rules supreme, complain about being misgendered, that's a much more serious crime than being sexist.

Not sure anyone said it was a conspiracy. Not sure where you got that from.

Just because something is a tradition doesn't mean it's right or shouldn't evolve.