AIBU to think a therapist shouldn’t tell you it’ll only get worse?

[Christmassy23]

Started seeing a new therapist in the summer. She had a slightly different approach to therapy that I’ve had in the past but thought I’d give her a fair go - fully qualified & member of all the relevant governing bodies.

i’m having problems with my 11 yr old at the moment, anxiety, school refusal etc. Twice now my therapist has told me it’ll get much worse between 13 & 16.

AIBU that these comments aren’t supportive, helpful or sympathetic?

What are you doing to prevent it from getting worse?

Do you want her to lie?

But based on my limited experience, things whilst not getting better do improve, i learnt better ways to deal with challenging behaviour etc.

Now in her 20s, well adjusted, good career, steady relationship, we get on great and are very close again.

She is not wrong. Unless something changes.

Depends how she is framing it. If changes aren't made now then in all likelihood it will get worse.

I think that depends whether she’s helping you identify and work towards solutions or not.

What am I doing to stop it getting worse - she’s seeing a therapist & we’re working together to identify her feelings and coming up with coping techniques.

The therapist is coming from a “teenage girls are awful 13 - 16, just you wait” angle.

If your DD is 11 and has problems with school refusal and anxiety she is probably neurodivergent, probably autistic. Has she been referred for an assessment? Otherwise yes it probably will get worse if she's not appropriately supported and understands herself

Did you talk to her about it? Why she thinks that? What it's based on? What you could do to mitigate it getting worse? How to cope if it does get worse? Therapists aren't gods and gurus who can see the future. She'll presumably have a reason/evidence for saying that and if it bothers you, you're there to talk it through, not take umbrage about that comment in isolation. If you're not clicking with her overall that's another matter, but on this, it's only an issue if you're taking her word as gospel rather than engaging in the talk about it.

What kind of therapist is she, what are her qualifications?

we had a psychiatrist (ie medical doctor) and clinical child psychologist (professional with 7 years training and specialist registration) both tell us when ds was 10 that things would get very bad between 13-16. We thought that was upsetting at the time and didn’t want to hear it.

ds now 14 and boy did we wish we’d paid attention.

assuming the therapist has some specialist knowledge and is not just spouting off what she thinks she knows about teenagers, listen and start putting some plans in place now to tackle the behaviour head on.

To answer your question OP, support from a specialist child psychologist focusing on the specific issues you outline. Assessments to identify any neurodivergence and medication from a paediatrician or psychiatrist, if indicated. Pending any neurodivergence diagnoses, appropriate plans in place with School. Choose the senior school carefully/move schools on necessary; don’t put up with the wrong environment

It's not helpful, and unless she has a crystal ball, she has no idea if it's true or not.

My DD had school refusal and anxiety at age 11. Things actually got better from age 13, and at 16 she's now doing great.

Not helpful to make a blanket generalisation like that! I would find that annoying.

She's not wrong, school refusal has become a massive world wide problem, something has gone very wrong and nobody seems to have the answer. Japan and Australia are seeing huge rises even before Covid. The finger is always pointed at the child, however it is the school environment making them sick. Most parents find once removing them from school things slowly improve.
I think the therapist is maybe trying to guide you towards putting another plan in place. Sometimes you just have to draw a line under school and go down another route. Most teenagers handle their anxiety better in their late teens, they can always sit exams then.