Anyone (or their DP) work at VISA? AIBU to think Ex lying about income?

[Heartbreakdieter]

Hi, namechanged as exh knows my usual username. Partly posting here for traffic as if anyone or their partner works at Visa I would love some anecdata.

We've been divorced for 3 years now after he lied and cheated and fabricated evidence and gaslighted me for many years, hence being suspicious that he is lying now. Consent order in place that includes 10% of his gross bonus.
However, the amount he has given me has dropped substantially year on year and I am pretty much certain he is lying.
The first year he told me the exact amount and sent me exactly 10% and showed me his payslip or letter or whatever. Plus this was his first year in the job so unlikely to be a record high or anything.
Last year he just said "bonus money in your bank account"- no further details but it was half as much as the first year and a round number. I assumed he had decided that was the minimum he could get away with but I am conflict averse so I didn't say anything.

This year he has done the same- this time it is a round number that is a third of the first year.

He just said "its less than before, cos, y'know, economy". Again no evidence presented, and he didn't even say how much he had had which i assume is to not have to actually lie.

I asked him about it the other day and he claimed to have rounded it up in my favour and said it was low due to the economy. But I am pretty sure he is gaslighting me.

I spent some time reading the VISA annual report and accounts and public information- their gross and net profits have been higher year on year both years. And all their execs who they publish the salary information for have had substantial increases in their bonuses year on year during the period.

Am I being unreasonable to think he is lying to me? Anyone have any personal experience of what pattern pay at visa has taken over the last three years?

Problem is even if he is i don't know what I can do about it other than instructing a lawyer. He spent so much time gaslighting me and fabricating evidence that he wasn't cheating prior to our divorce that I think if I ask for something to prove it he will just provide a doctored letter or payslip. 😨

Anyone?

It fascinates me that in this day and age a woman would want to take a man’s money instead of standing on their own two feet.

My don't work for visa. I would suggest you go through childmaintance. They now check with hmrc. Which is useful if your ex tells them 100% truth.

My ex is planning to turn self employed, because he was very angry and surprised that they check with hmrc. His friend pays £300 a month, so he thought he would pay the same amount. He called them himself and was told to pay almost triple that. Which came as a shock to him and a pleasant surprise to me.

@Mexicola really? What if it's for child maintenance?

That would be impossible to answer without knowing what he does. There will be different bonus and incentive schemes for different business units, geography areas, product departments, grade levels.

Yes I'm also surprised @Mexicola that there are parents who shy away from supporting their own children the best way the can.

I agree both parents need to sacrifice and support their dc, in a way that suits the child. Not, only the parents. A family approach is what is needed. This is not the time for adults to sling offensive remarks at each. It the time to come together and decide how to support the children in the best manner possible.

Sorry are you ok? Just wondering if you've got some typing equivalent of word salad where you meant to type something helpful and relevant and this came out instead.

On the plus side all the responses to that nonsense will hopefully bump this thread so someone with relevant info sees it?

Thanks for that but perhaps ask some questions before jumping to conclusions?

Actually I do stand on my own two feet, I'm not sat on my backside watching TV and living off him or benefits, I work until past midnight most nights, which is not good for me or my kids, who are with me most of the time. I have more qualifications than him and a difficult and stressful professional job.

But I also took a career break when the kids were small, expressly to help him get promoted and not let the inconvenience of doing any of the parenting get in the way of his career path (or affair as it turned out) so I have only just now got back to the level I was at ten years ago as a result of my sacrificing my career for his in good faith for the good of the family. And that means I now earn, in a year, working more than full time, much less than just his cash bonus alone, a mere fraction of his full package.

In the meantime I have to pay to keep and maintain and fix the numerous leaks etc constantly appearing the money pit of an old house that I never would have bought on my own or on my own salary. So while I pay the mortgage with my own salary I was hoping I'd be able to get the roof fixed with this money as there is literally a water feature in my bedroom when there is a downpour...

And to pre-empt your next question, coud I move to a smaller/ newer house? Yes, but when we were divorcing he expressly wanted to facilitate my kids staying in what was supposed to be their "forever home", and moving costs would be more than I earn in a year! So I am now relying on a court order that lawyers and judge agreed was fair and is supposed to be legally binding but which I don't believe he is sticking to but which also relies on him acting in good faith in complying with it.

Thanks that's a really helpful comment - yes I realise that it is a combination of personal and corporate goals, but having seen the executives got bigger and bigger bonuses for the last two years and the overall profits for visa Inc globally also rose... I was just wondering if someone might come on and say that actually the UK or Europe buckled the trend and that actually it was all screwed this side of the pond.

Actually the more I think about it I am hoping someone will say something to confirm he is telling the truth, which gives me deja vu. So maybe it is less about the money (although my roof genuinely is leaking into my bedroom and I really was hoping to get the money to fix it)- psychoanalysis time, I am mostly now hoping someone will say something suggesting he isn't back to his lying gaslighting ways... We are trying to get on as friends and co parents and any time I realise he has lied or manipulated me it pretty much gives me PTSD from the many times he sucked me back in and had me believing in him only for me to end up in tears when I found out the opposite. It is an actual visceral reaction. Plus I want him to have "really changed" for the sake of my kids😰

I would send him an email and say in accordance with the court order you need to have sight of his payslip with the bonus payment in so you can confirm it's 10%.

If he refuses or kicks up a fuss, then speak to a solicitor about the payment from both this year and last.

A man who is telling the truth would have no reason not to prove it.

You know who this man is and you know in your heart that he will attempt to pay as little as he can get away with.

You may have to go back to court, but you potentially have years of this bullshit to contend with. Get it resolved sooner rather than later, I'm sure this is just another way for him to "win" and exert control over you.

Noone is slinging offensive remarks at each other.... Where on earth did you read anything that suggested that? Despite him cheating and lying and making me believe I was going mad for three years I have endeavoured to stay friends for everyone's sake. I've just had him over for dinner and smiled sweetly while in the back of my head the deja vu of the niggling feeling of being gaslit is traumatic.

@Mexicola

go away with your comment. You know nothing about the ops circumstances whatever they are the order has been made she is entitled to some of the bonus

she may have kids, she maybe disabled and unable to work, don’t just assume

nasty comment

@Heartbreakdieter I don't work for Visa but I do work for a financial institution. Despite our execs getting HUGE bonuses the majority of people doing the actual work don't get much.

As a PP said it really depends where your Ex is in the business. Does he work in investments / markets where they are paid big bonuses as they're risk takers and money makers or is he back office / a less income driven role? These factors make a huge difference.

It does seem rather coincidental that his bonus has dropped as much as it has considering your split etc but it is possible. We're in a COL and as much as people think that financial services make masses of money they all have rising costs (wages, power etc) and many bonuses have indeed shrank.

Ask for a copy of his payslip, insist on it.

I work in FS and over the past 3 years bonuses have halved despite the organisation increasing revenue.

All depends too what area he's in. Saales will be more volatile than eg back office

I was under the impression this is child support money: for the children. Not the ex wife

Is his annual bonus calculated on his performance?

I agree request full disclosure p60 ideally

Also those who are attacking the OP for needing money for her children's upbringing - what a bizarre response working mums have the toughest time

Good luck to you Op

Thank you winewinewine23 and meatbaseddessert thank you, that is kind of what I wanted to know. Of course the reasonable doubt doesn't mean he isn't bullshitting me to some degree as he had the opportunity to prove it the other day and didn't but at least it's not the blatant gaslighting I was thinking when looking at the published information that seemed to contradict him completely.

He is high up on the payments side. Not a back office type thing. But use of cards for payments has been massively boosted post COVID and technological changes- it is harder to pay by cash than visa these days. So I don't think it is a struggling area as shown by the annual report stats.

Duckingella i think I recall that it was based on his own performance and overall corporate performance combined, hence trying to find out if there was a blanket reduction cross the board that could explain it.

Oh fuck off.

I'm sorry to have caused you more upset. @Mexicola Response made me angry and I responded to them as well. I need to frame my words more carefully.

My own ex is a gaslighting expert and hides or spends money like crazy. While his own children would have suffered if I didn't get help from others. I know not everyone have family around that are able to help them financially should the need exists. It was very painful for me to go begging to difficult family members to help put food on the table until I got myself sorted.

Calling childmaintance is a good way to find out how much men earn. Unless men start to hide money and assets. They even have the power to check men bank accounts and take money from there I been told. They were recently given more power than they had before.

I’m really surprised that your agreement for 10% of bonus didn’t include any process for evidence of this eg payslip each year - it seems like you need a better solicitor!

Trying to guess if he is lying seems pointless, just ask for payslip evidence like the first year and if he doesn’t provide this then he is most likely lying.

Would classic child maintenance be more money than 10% of bonus as you’re going through his full income? Have you done the calculations?

Maybe a good approach is to calculate child maintenance the normal way and if it’s actually more money than the bonus payment you can tell him that if he doesn’t provide evidence each year you’ll be applying for traditional maintenance.

It seems like a weird set up to have to rely on his honesty and on a discretionary bonus rather than just his total income including bonus… but I assume you thought it through at the time!

It fascinates me that in this day and age there are people who don't accept that when a child has two parents, the absent parent should contribute towards the cost of bringing up that child, according to their means.

@Mexicola Non-resident parents are legally obliged to pay a proportion of their income as child maintenance to the resident parent. This includes bonuses.