to expect ex dp to help pay for school uniform if he pays his maintainance?

[fordfiesta]

have not asked him yet and do feel a bit cheeky but am sooooo poor at the moment that really can not afford to buy all the uniform. We dont have a good enough relationship for me to come over all humble and admit poverty.... i like for him to think i can cope whatever!!!! But was thinking i could just give him the bill as if it were a normal thing to share the cost of the uniform..... is that cheeky?
He does pay regular maintainance (of which i refuse to feel grateful for (it is his responsibility) even though i know a lot of you dont get anything, of which i feel dreadful for you for... waffle) so should i assume that ALL ds's expenses come from maintainance or can i/ should i ask for extra for things like uniforms/school trips???

I think you can ask but I imagine he's in no way obliged to help you out

the calculated maintenance is a pittance anyway - whoever thought that one child equates to only 15% of your wages obviously never brought a child up on their own.

without knowing more of your circumstances, it's impossible to say if YABU or not. if you get 2k a month then it is reasonable for you to supply everything. if you get £20 a month, then your ex should help with the necessary expensive extras that you can't stretch to given what financial support he provides for your child.

i get £150 a month maintainance...... but only earn about a £1000 myself...... thats all benifits,tax credits and maintainance etc included. Out of that i pay everything, ie mortgage,food, car etc etc. If i could work more hours i would be seeing as ex moved 150 miles away and my job involves unsociable hours it is a nightmare to get childcare........ I suppose my grudge is that ex dp moved away making childcare impossible i am not able to work the extra hours and am horribly poor as a result.

it sounds like you are not being greedy, ask him. Its very expensive, school. I get £112 a month of ex-p and tbh it doesn't go far. I asked last month for an extra £20 for shoes, and got it begrudgingly.

Ask

Message withdrawn

Oh God I hate to swallow my pride...... but I think probably you are right. Will go and practice my humble pauper speech now!

Is there no second hand stuff? My school did a second hand sale every term, can't imagine any of the parents were skint (well maybe they were due to the school fees!) but it was the done thing to get it all second hand off the school, I suppose the school pushed this because they would make a bit more money, but none of us had any problems with wearing second hand stuff.

jAMMI.... am already doing this. His answer... do what you think best re schooling!!! But agree that some mums want everything without giving ex the chance to be involved.
Had not thought about second hand, might adk some of the other parents at the gate with older kids if they have any.

It's a good idea Ford, I know there's a bit of a stigma related to second hand stuff, but as long as it's not disgusting and crusty it'll be fine, and I bet there's loads of mums with wardrobes overflowing with old uniforms that'd be happy to get a couple of quid for it.

You can only ask! If it helps, my Dh pays maintenance to his ds's mum, but clothes are done separately - they take turns buying a job lot of clothes, she buys his summer stuff and we buy his winter stuff. Of course, both ds's mum and me & DH buy him odds and sods through out the year as well, but the main bulk of his clothes are done like that.

I think you can ask, politely.