To not be able to stop self destructing?

[AttentionDeficitAndScrewed]

Seventh time posting. Keep pressing something on the touchscreen and losing my post but I'm desperate. I need help. I'm just not functioning and soon everything is going to implode. I can't wing it mufh longer. Work, family, my health. I am so dehydrated but just can't drink water. Even though I'm parched and desperate for a drink. Can't get up. I know I should save my post or wrote somewhere else because I'm going to lose this one as well but I can't. I can barely do anything anymore. And in out of meds and probably can't get more because of shortage. I need to stop browsing and procrastinating. I need to sleep. I hate the meds but without them I vsn

Without the meds I can't string two coherent thoughts together. I just don't know what to do. I know at some point I need to "just do it" but I just can't. I'm so thirsty. why can't I just get up and get myself some water? I mean seriously what is wrong with Me? It's not like I'm having lots of fun while I'm not working or not doing the things I'm meant to do. I can't even do enjoyable things. I procrastinate on them as well. The only thing on doing is browsing the internet and binge eating sugar.

You must drink, it doesn't have to be water. Do you have a partner to help w?

And why is it self destruct and not self destroy? I need to get off my phone. I just don't know how to help myself. Don't give Me any advice because no matter how sensible it is I won't do it. No I do want advice. I don't want to live like this. I just want to function. At least somewhat.

Apologies for the pity party. The self loathing is strong with this one.

I know I need to drink. I could ask my husband but I don't want to. We have our share of Problems and dealing with them is somewhere on my never ending to do list. I can actually see a mug and it might have water but I don't want to get up. If I did I could just go dksn to the kitchen. But what's the point? It's not like it would be the beginning of a streak of self improvement. I'm tired of promising myself to do better tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. not that kind if tomorrow.

But my throat is so dry it hurts. Anyway I know I'm not going to die of thirst. I will drink something eventually. I just need a stronger trigger than others to do things. It's just very unpleasant. and a waste of a life basically. Not that I've got that many to waste. Or even that many years in this life

You sound depressed. I've been there.

How about an emotional support water bottle you take around with you?

Can you start with 'baby' steps?
Step 1: Put phone down
Step 2: Grab mug
Step 3: Fill mug with water
Step 4: Take a drink

It sounds like you also need to get in contact with a physician for help?

You sound like the lack of ADHD meds is having a massive effect on you, it is me too.
I like to think of every task as 'executive function' so it'll take this much to get up and have a shower but then I've got to decide what to wear and I should take my blood pressure at the same time so do that and my legs are itchy, need to moisturise them so I ought to do that too... the list is endless and I get caught up in the realisation that it isn't ever just the one task but a huge mountain of them and they just keep coming.
For the water, I have a bottle rather than a cup, it holds 1.5 litres so when I can make myself drink its right there and I'll glug down a load! Good luck, be kind to yourself :)

Oh OP, I feel your pain. I totally, totally get this. I sat and froze for 2 hours the other day because I couldn't persuade myself to get up and put the heating on or more clothes etc. I just sat and shivered because anything else felt beyond my capability. ADHD is so bloody frustrating... and then to add insult to injury, you not only have to suffer the effects of dehydration or being freezing, but you also have to deal with the emotional shit of wondering why you're so incapable of doing such a seemingly simple task that everyone else would just do without any fuss.

I don't have any answers, I'm afraid, but I can offer sympathy and solidarity. And I can also tell you what you already know...it is not your fault that your brain does this to you.