I try to communicate with DH about what's going on in the family/home, I feel he rarely does the same and expects me just to know things and/or read his mind. When I've brought this up, he says the communication from me to him is optional/my choice and he's choosing to do something different, his solution is "you can stop too if you want".
A conversation between us often feels one way, he'll often not respond at all to the things I say. Even if I were to say something like "I've left you some dinner in the oven" or "I dropped the keys at your mother's", often he won't say thanks, he just doesn't say anything. I have always found this difficult and I think it's getting worse.
When I try to talk to DH about anything beyond the most superficial/practical thing, he usually wants to shut down the conversation as soon as possible, he'll leave the room/go upstairs and has asked that I don't "follow" him when he does so, so it usually ends the conversation before it's started. If I'm annoyed about something I might "follow" him anyway and if I do, he'll say something like "can you stop talking", "go away", or put his fingers in his ears(!). I might ask "when can we talk" or something trying to compromise between me wanting to talk and him not wanting to, but he won't usually give an answer beyond "not now" or "do we have to talk all the time" (to the most extreme response "I never want to talk about this" about something very innocuous/mundane).
Nine times out of ten if I ask "can we talk?" he'll say no. If he says yes, it tends to be confrontational, I feel I'm doing all the work on trying to build a common understanding. If I don't understand what he meant by something, he'll often refuse to clarify, either repeating exactly the same words several times or saying "work it out" / "I'm not doing all the work for you" etc. Sometimes he'll mumble and be hard to follow but if I didn't hear something, he'll just refuse to say it again "I'm not repeating myself" / "Pay attention!" and so on.
He says I'm always over-analyzing everything and wanting to talk everything to death instead of letting things go. There is a grain of truth in that. I'm someone who likes to talk through everything to get to a better understanding. He point blank refuses to engage in that. I'm starting to doubt myself, what's acceptable, what's best and what's normal? I often feel that if I didn't make the effort we'd drift apart very quickly. But I think I am quite needy. And maybe it is better to communicate less and just to leave things be? Can I/should I change?
I appreciate this message is a bit all over the place and I'm not really sure what I'm asking. I suppose as a first step, it's AIBU to want to talk more?