To think this is a crazy amount of wakes for a 4 year old? On my knees!!

[Partyqueen005]

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4 year old DD has usually been a great sleeper. For past year has started waking with bad dreams. This was happening maybe once a week or two, usually around 3ish. Occasionally increased if really overtired or poorly.

Last three weeks this has turned into almost every night, sometimes 2-3 times per night. Anything from 10:30 to 5 am and varies each night. They’re genuine wakes, she’s crying and upset, but she generally wants and tries to get back to sleep (and usually does fairly quickly with stories, songs etc). she seems to managing ok in school etc. so is somehow managing to get enough hours in.

However my DH and I are losing the will. Not had anything like this since she was a baby. Most nights I’m existing off 4-5 broken hours and the sleep deprivation is getting worse. I have a very full on high pressure job 4 days a week and am struggling to function at times. We’ve had to divide up or lose the plot so I hid away in the spare room last night, but it’s my go tonight and been up twice already and had no more than an hour of dozing. The disrupted sleep is also triggering off some wider insomnia in me as I lay here stressing about her being up again and then not able to switch off and sleep when I can.

We’ve tried early bedtimes, cooler clothing, kiddie meditations before bed etc. Nothing medically wrong we can find. Had a cold but that was 3 weeks ago, and fairly mild. Have general good sleep routines in place.

AIBU to think this is not sustainable? And please, anyone gone through similar or can help?!

Would it be easier if the parent “on duty” co slept with her for a bit? You might find it reduces the waking, and without the getting up and down you might not wake up so fully, so be able to get back to sleep?

Yes. 5yo exactly the same over the past 6 weeks or so. Bad dreams and he says that he’s scared too. We’ve put in a brighter night light, an extra light that come on if he gets out of bed. We are trying some essential oils for sleep now. (No idea if it will work but anything is worth a go.) He is finishing at current kindergartens and starting big school next year (Australia) so not sure if it’s an anxiety thing or just developmental. He’s always been a good sleeper.

I don't have experience of this as a mum (or, not quite this bad) but I was like this as a child and the only solution my mum found was co sleeping. Also, as you're doing, reading, talking etc until she calms down.

I grew out of it around 8yo but still go through phases of nightmares, like a spate of four or five in a week, and when they happen I have to wake up dh because I'm so upset.

My 3yo dd isn't quite as bad (yet?) but she does wake up once a night and run into our room to climb in with us - sometimes she's quite distressed as if she's had a nightmare but won't talk about it.

We’ve never Co slept - to be honest, the thought did cross my mind after being up twice tonight! However, ideally don’t want to start a habit that we’ll then struggle to wean her off of longer term. Though wouldn’t 100% rule it out.

I think I'd co-sleep until it improves at least then you are tuned in so it's not such a shock when she wakes and just have to fling out an arm for a cuddle rather than be fully awake and present. The extra security for a bit may get her past the stage faster

My four year old's been waking with nightmares for at least a year now. Sometimes it's every night and then it stops for a bit.
She always just gets into bed with us and then sleeps through until the morning. Some nights I don't even feel her climbing into the bed.

My 7 year old really struggles to sleep through the night when she hasn’t had much exercise, so this time of year is tricky with the bad weather/dark evenings. Can you see any link there? It’s a very strong link for our DD!

Just been up again. Bless her, usually she goes back to sleep at least for a proper ‘block’ but she’s resurfacing every 40ish minutes tonight.
Seems to be zombies tonight. No idea where she’s even got an idea about that - we are unsurprisingly quite careful about her seeing that sort of stuff!
if third time isn’t the charm I might have to cave and pull her in with me; otherwise no one is sleeping tonight.

We ended up co sleeping at 4.5yrs for that reason. Before that, since day 1, LO always slept in their own room on their own but I was desperate. No clue how I’ll wean it off but for now am enjoying the sleep

Yes and she comes and gets in with us for cuddle sleeps, get her in with you it's just a phase

Being chased by zombies is a favourite game in my 4yo’s class. She regularly goes through developmental phases where she wakes everynight for a week or so. It’s exhausting, so Id find it really hard if I was in your shoes. You’ve already had some great suggestions so I hope this passes for you soon.

Ds is a 3.5. He’s still never slept through the night ever. That’s why I’m knackered tbh. But he usually now sleeps in his bed until 12-3am when he wakes, then joins in our bed.
If we return him to his bed after first wake, he then carries waking every hour after and takes longer and longer to settle at each wake , in our bed he usually goes back to sleep.

worth checking her food and drink before bed? Is her blood sugar too high or low? Squash at dinner should be avoided, or dinner too late so her body is working hard to digest? Hot milky drink may work? Although I expect it’s a phase of mental development?
worth looking into a weighted blanket maybe?
tapping can be good when kids wake up, try not to engage in communication but just gently tap her back with a good clear slow rhythm. Good luck !

Can she not just jump in the middle of the bed between you both then she’ll probs be fine? When mine have nightmares or whatever I barely even wake up, they know just to climb in between us 😂

My wee one (5 next week) is going through this. Afraid of the dark and waking us up in the middle of the night talking about monsters. It started with the clocks going back, but has got especially bad the last week. We've gone back to cosleeping and he hasn't woken up once. Still wants us to get up with him and is following us around the house when it's dark outside, but at least we're getting uninterrupted sleep!

At 4 one of my dc would get up every night at some point and come into bed with us. He'd be straight back to sleep then. Every.single.night. It just tailed off in the end, and now I miss those days!

Mine went through this stage. We got fed up and shoved him in the middle of us, no problems after that.

No child still wants to sleep with their parents once they get past a certain age, it’s not a long term problem.

As above. Currently going through this with our five year old. For now we’ve conceded defeat and let him snuggle in our bed as he genuinely wants to go back to sleep. I’ve just started him on a new multivitamin too in case it’s some kind of deficiency 😆 (really I think it’s just being 5 with a huge imagination)

If this is sudden have you checked or treated for worms? If she waking up upset multiple times this could be an issue without her even realising. Prime age too with them being spread at school.

Our DS is 4 and we have him in a double bed. He goes through periods where he wakes and needs someone every night, but most of the time he sleeps independently.

You're currently sacrificing sleep now for a risk that might not materialise.

If you can set up a co sleeping arrangement that will enable everyone to get more sleep then go for it! Genuinely considering getting a double bed for DS2s room when he outgrows his cot for the same reason.

Yup- but our 4 yo has been a bad sleeper for a long time (ironically was marvellous as a baby). The years of sleep deprivation have been quite wearing tbh. As painful as it is, we try not to encourage co-sleeping as now she’s bigger, none of us sleep well and then get achy. My eldest sleeps like a dream though so at least it’s only one of them!

This book saved my sanity when DD1 was that age. We read and worked through it together and actually enjoyed the process.

https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/What-to-Do-When-You-Dread-Your-Bed-by-Dawn-Huebner-Bonnie-Matthews/9781433803185?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAgqGrBhDtARIsAM5s0_mYYuZ9QU4NAOo09Y4efIYCx5rLhLDDtYnJxsqbTMqVZQRwzuOWb24aAjeSEALw_wcB

Could she be cold? I can't sleep without socks in cold weather.. Again co sleeping between you might help. Hope you can settles soon.

I would 100% co sleep. Honestly, if I had my time again I’d get a king size bed!

I always had mine go to sleep in their own bed. As toddlers, when they woke I’d bring them in bed with me. But no stories, singing, or talking. No lights on. Just right back to sleep.

It may help her DD get sleep but not anyone else. At times we've had DH, DDs and two cats in a king sized bed and I barely had any space or slept a wink.

Though I agree environmental causes have to be ruled out first - too hot, too cold, too light etc.