To cut her out my wedding?

[Mcxb]

NC for this

I get married 2025, I have asked 2 friends to be my MOH.

Friend A - friends for 25+ years, grown apart slightly in the last 8 years, she has a new friend group, probably see each other 2-3 times a year. Not sure if we would still have a friendship if I didn’t reach out? I asked her to be MOH mainly due to the fact of how long we have been friends, she is/was more like family so I would feel strange if I didn’t ask!

Friend B - friends for 10+ years, speak daily, meet up regularly, same friend group, my ultimate go-to friend. Is also friends with friend A, albeit they have had some disputes in the past.

I feel as though friend A just doesn’t want to know me anymore, never the first to message, declines all invites to places, always too busy to meet up but is always with her other friend group, going on holidays, nights out etc. Since I announced my wedding she hasn’t really shown an ounce of interest.

Today is my birthday and not even a simple birthday text when I know she’s been on and offline all day!

Should I just cut my losses and accept our friendship is over or am I being silly? I have tried to speak to her about this in the past she just says she’s been busy. But on the other hand I don’t understand why she would agree to be maid of honour if she didn’t care?!

For context I have my own family now and I am currently a SAHM. Friend A is single, living with parents and has a good career.

So AIBU to bring up the MOH situation to her?

Sorry for the rant x

I think it's a bit of a jump from 'I've asked her to be my MOH' to 'should I accept our friendship is over?' Is there maybe room for something in between, like adjusting your expectations of her and accepting that she prioritises another group of friends, whilst still having a nice time with her 2-3 times a year?

Having said that, it does sound as though you won't get much support from her with your wedding. I'm wondering why you asked her. It's early days and you could change the wedding plans. Do you need two MOH?

My MOH was my sister and as she lived in another country it was just a title- she wasn't able to help with anything. I didn't need any help anyway until the last week but handled it myself (120 people in central London with a sizeable amount coming from abroad).
So in your case you might just ask her if she wants to help out or rather just be a bridesmaid on the day? Or, alternatively, see how much she's willing to do (like if you are choosing your dress and ask her to come but she doesn't...) just accept that she's only MOH on the day.
Friendships wane, and by the wedding she may hardly be part of your life. Or you may have become close again. You may feel differently in a few months and address it then.

It sounds like you have drifted apart and are at different stages - you being a SAHP and her still living with her parents and single. It's great that you still find the time and inclination keeping trying with the friendship ...... But when all is said and done she makes time to see and holiday with her new friends and it's hurtful that she hasn't acknowledged your birthday.

Maybe don't expect too much, see the MOH Role it as an honourary title. Send her the dates of things but don't stress if she can't make it. It's sounds as if you are closer to second friend for now and you know she will step up