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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I rude?

28 replies

JellyBeanAddiction · 29/11/2023 14:25

My partner and I had our second baby 8 days ago. We have an almost 7 year old who is ASD and my mum is the only family we have down here to help.

My mum doesn't like my partner very much so I'm wondering if this is what caused today's events.

We had to take baby for an appointment which would have been cutting it fine for being back home in time for my son's support workers to drop him off if we got delayed at the hospital, so I asked my mum if she could come to mine for that time just to make sure someone was there but said all being well we may be back in time anyway. She didn't mind this as was already over our way and I thought she would like to see the baby.

Appointment ran on time and was very quick so I called her when we were on our way back just to let her know and she said she would wait for us to get back and that she was sat in her car currently.

When we drove past her car neither of us noticed her in there so assumed she had gone into the house. Got in the house and she wasn't there so I sent a text saying "we're back now" assuming she would come in. She text me back saying I had been really rude.

Confused, I called her and she had a go at me saying it was so rude how we had driven past her car and not even acknowledged her. I said neither of us saw you in there so thought you were inside. She started going on about how my partner obviously saw her in the car and did it on purpose, said she was leaving and wouldn't come in and hung up on me.

I'm really upset by this, probably because of hormones and being overtired but I didn't think I did anything wrong? I genuinely didn't see her in the car and thought she was in the house. Then thought texting her that we were back would be fine..didn't think it was rude.

Did I do something wrong here? I am sensitive at the best.of times so really hate having conflict or drama, especially as she is my only family and the only person I have.

WIBU?

OP posts:
ShennyInfinity · 29/11/2023 14:38

I totally understand why you're upset and I know she's your mum but honestly that is absolutely ridiculous and just sounds to me like she's assuming your husband saw her and ignored her. You've just had a baby and hormones are all over the place, try not to let it hurt you or upset you. Just send her a quick text rather than phone her to let her know he genuinely didn't see her and then leave the rest up to her.

C0keZer0 · 29/11/2023 14:40

she sounds bat shit.

SwingTheMonkey · 29/11/2023 14:42

You did nothing wrong. Your mum’s a nutter.

Whattodonexts · 29/11/2023 14:42

I think this needs nipping in the bud. Invite her over for dinner, apologise for the misunderstanding and then have a good honest chat about why they don't get on and get it sorted. Unless she has good reason to not like your partner?? Have they ever been abusive or done anything to hurt you?

SharonEllis · 29/11/2023 14:43

You have an 8 day old baby. You should be excused almost anything! YANBU

JeezWhatNext · 29/11/2023 14:43

Send a text saying of course he didn’t see her, and that she’s upset you both by thinking either of you would behave like that.
Then let her apologise or not.

Headband · 29/11/2023 14:43

Does she have a key? How would her sitting in her car be helpful if you hadn't got back in time for when your son was brought home ?

sleepymama3 · 29/11/2023 14:44

I've often stared straight at friends, family, even my husband in traffic and not copped them at all. Your mind is elsewhere at the moment, and rightly so. Not rude at all imo

EvilElsa · 29/11/2023 14:45

YANBU. Talk about blowing something out of proportion. If you hadn't wanted her to come you wouldn't have invited her or text her afterwards to say come in. She is being ridiculous.

GinAndJuice99 · 29/11/2023 14:47

You’re not being unreasonable, obviously, but why doesn’t your mum like your partner?

Behindyouiam · 29/11/2023 14:50

SharonEllis · 29/11/2023 14:43

You have an 8 day old baby. You should be excused almost anything! YANBU

This is true, but even without this you did nothing wrong!

FizzyStream · 29/11/2023 14:52

You weren't rude at all. Worst case scenario is that your DP did see her, ignored her and she noticed but that still wasn't your fault.

Why doesn't she like your partner?
Could she not come round when they aren't there?

Sounds like a bit of a nightmare and that she needs to grow up a bit though.

JellyBeanAddiction · 29/11/2023 14:53

GinAndJuice99 · 29/11/2023 14:47

You’re not being unreasonable, obviously, but why doesn’t your mum like your partner?

Partner has been a bit useless in the past in terms of stepping up to family life and responsibilities but nothing major like abuse etc. But there have been times he's done something hurtful or frustrating and I've moaned about it to my mum. In hindsight this was not a good thing to do as I have caused tension now.

OP posts:
remindersofhim · 29/11/2023 14:54

You're not being sensitive at all. She's calling your partner a liar instead of accepting a misunderstanding like a normal person and causing an unnecessary drama with you.

SpeculatingRooks · 29/11/2023 15:02

If I was your mum when I saw you driving past I would've got out of the car and walked to your house. I don't understand why she stayed sitting in the car!

DuploTrain · 29/11/2023 15:07

I’m not quite sure I understand the logistics but it seems crazy to not understand it was an honest mistake and be determined it was a deliberate snub.

And to be honest, even if she did genuinely think it was a deliberate snub by your partner, at 8 days post-birth she should quietly ignore it, not burden you with it!

JellyBeanAddiction · 29/11/2023 15:15

Thanks for the replies everyone. Reassured to hear I didn't do some kind of awful faux pas in my sleep deprived state.

I'm trying not to let it get to me but I've found it really upsetting. Could really do without tension and drama at this time in my life but I feel that if I try and call her now she will still be angry so maybe I should just wait for her to contact me.

OP posts:
Headband · 29/11/2023 15:21

Why was she sitting in the car anyway?

JellyBeanAddiction · 29/11/2023 15:26

Headband · 29/11/2023 15:21

Why was she sitting in the car anyway?

@Headband She brings her dog with her so sits in the car to keep him company.

OP posts:
butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 15:28

She sounds completely nuts

butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 15:29

Probably best off without her to be honest

Cumberbiatch · 29/11/2023 15:31

Is she a bit of a drama queen usually OP? I think she's been really cruel and unfair to you. Sometimes when people do favours for us, it can blind us into thinking they're supportive, but your mum doesn't sound like she has your back.

LBFseBrom · 29/11/2023 15:39

SpeculatingRooks · 29/11/2023 15:02

If I was your mum when I saw you driving past I would've got out of the car and walked to your house. I don't understand why she stayed sitting in the car!

I don't understand her being in the car at all, would have thought she'd have been indoors with your child until you got home. That is strange.

You were not rude.

ManateeFair · 29/11/2023 16:15

You and your partner have done nothing wrong. If anyone's over-sensitive here, it's your bloody mum!

butterycrispness · 29/11/2023 16:50

Has your mother always been an overbearing old cow?