AIBU - older woman in a male dominated team, fed up

[Lolobrr]

AIBU to feel a bit lonely working in my team. Any suggestions or maybe just consider a role change?

Don’t want to go into detail but as a younger woman I was always included and felt I was treated equally, but since having kids and being back at work a few years I feel increasingly invisible, especially to my manager who has gone from very friendly to just ignoring my existence most of the time.

I get subjected to a lot of ‘mansplaining’, I’m always given easy projects, I’m never included in their lunch time plans or asked to grab a coffee, I feel that I’m having to become increasingly assertive to get my point across in meetings. I’ll often say something then someone else will then regurgitate it and suddenly it’s a great idea. Even our team chats have football icons.

I am confused about whether what I’m perceiving is real or if I’m just projecting my own insecurities. Work wise I’m achieving in my shitty projects and my reviews are good, I just feel totally invisible and like a spare part.

Does anyone have any experience of this?

Just to add i am the only woman in the team, but I do have quite a few friends in the company , it’s just my team dynamics making me feel this way

This is not an uncommon situation unfortunately. Please google Fast Show the Woman Who Men Can’t Hear on YouTube. Two possible solutions come to mind: take acting or assertiveness training classes and use what you learn to try to make your current situation less frustrating; or consider going freelance in your area of expertise. I know several women who took the latter route and never looked back.

@DrNo007 thank you this cheered me up although it is very sad that this is obviously commonplace.

I’ve often been in the same position and I fully sympathise with you! Assertiveness training sounds like a good idea.

I had voice training that helped me a lot. My natural speaking voice was light and quiet. Very easy to ignore. (Sorry I don’t know how I’ve got into italics.) I learned to speak in a deeper voice and without the self-doubting habits a lot of women have, eg rising pitch as if asking a question when stating a fact, hesitation, tendency to stop politely if someone else starts speaking at the same time or even just after I started.
I strongly recommend voice training.

Best of luck OP. You have to blow your own trumpet and push yourself forward, which some of us find uncomfortable. But you have to do it in the world of work.

Agree YANBU and they are being tone deaf and very rude not to make more of an effort to include you and be decent colleagues
I hope you find a team which values you properly for your experience and competence!