Pressure on children

[Heslikesnoverexcitedlabrador]

Do you put pressure on your children to achieve? I’m wondering if there’s something unusual about me as since having my Dd, it’s the last thing I’d ever want to do…I’m not concerned really about homework or test results. I just want my Dd to be happy in life, ideally it she continued loving learning, that would be great. We provide her with all opportunities, have filled her life with books, nature, art, travel etc since she was little, but I’d prefer age doesn’t have homework until high school, don’t see anything wrong with having done days off to relax/family day out and so on.
I see so much pressure on kids all
around me..recently my friends 9 year old girl was in floods of tears about school tests/assessments and not wanting to let anyone down..she has two tutors along with a full day at school and only ever loves to chat to me about books or films she watches or games she plays with her friends.
I just find the way the system is and all the pressure so sad, is it just me?
I’m an ex teacher, adored the children and teaching but struggled with so many aspects of it

@Heslikesnoverexcitedlabrador He’s nonplussed, sometimes he says ‘in a minute’, but he’s quite competitive, so likes getting them right.

It's a balancing act. Some kids will do well academically anyway, others need motivating or support to reach their potential. My dd and ds won't learn their times tables off of their own backs so I set aside time to help support them. They won't have the bank of mum and dad to fall back on when they get older, I'm not doling our deposits or paying huge amounts for weddings. The aim here is to encourage them, increase their confidence, work with them to show them that they can work out problems and do well but it requires some effort. At the moment it's spellings, readings, number bonds and times tables. I'm not going to leave it all to their underpaid, overworked teacher who has 30 kids in her class. Our school don't dish out homework on new topics but it is to support stuff the kids have already been introduced to at school. Unless I engage with them how would I know if they were to need help, further support, failing to meet standards for their age?

Absolutely OP, you're such a better parent than those dreadful parents that get their kids to do their homework and spend a bit of time teaching some extra maths and inculcating a work ethic. It's so much easier to get kids to form good habits when they're teenagers, as they're much more willing to listen. Qualifications are just a piece of paper, after all.

Good on you advocating for your tiny child and now bowing to ridiculous homework expectations. The system/children needs more parents like you.

That is so sad 😞

What are we doing to children. The poor things. If only they had a voice and could stand up for themselves.

How long does it take to write a letter 10 times? 30 seconds or a minute tops? You could deaw them in flour or sand or on a steamed up window.It us hardly onerous! You are projecting your hang ups onto your kid!

She's 9 & has 2 tutors? Is she at private or state school?

That's such a sweeping & supercilious statement. I don't want to put pressure on my child as stress triggers her chronic illness but her illness also causes her to miss school so she needs to catch up, what do you suggest?

I agree completely! The rage I feel that children so young are made to sit SATs and then as of being a teenager isn't hard enough, throw GCSE's and A levels at them! It's barbaric! I never want my child to feel their worth is tied up in their achievements (I was raised very much like this and it's crippled me emotionally). But as a teacher, I know that children love when you have expectations of them, so I try to find the balance with my child in that the pressure is OFF and they will never need to 'perform well' to earn my love and praise - they have that unconditionally. But I also want them to know that I expect them to be kind, to show empathy, to work hard etc. it's a balancing act and, like every parent I'm sure, I'm petrified of getting it wrong and my child will be the one in therapy in years to come, as I have been my whole adult life!!