To think bringing kids up in my 40’s means I won’t enjoy life later on?

[iwasaprincessonce]

Title says it all really. I have a teenager and there is 14 years between them and my youngest. Had a baby with a man who is still around but not in the capacity he used to be. I still love him but we aren’t on same page. Yet I wonder if anyone who had children this late on went on to have a career or got a chance at another relationship and/or marriage?

beginning to think I’m not built for a solid relationship as they don’t last. I’ve been married before. He had an affair with someone so I couldn’t develop trust with him following this.. It really did destroy me to be honest. Entered into a relationship far too soon and fell pregnant.

has anyone went on to have a life beyond raising kids, especially when they’re older?

I really do love being a mum and having my kids, but is it selfish to wish something for yourself out with being a mum?

You are more likely to have success if you focus on your own career rather than a relationship as a source of fulfilment. What line of work are you in now?

But what did you do for work before you had your younger child? Are you saying you’ve been a SAHM since the birth of your older child? Do you have qualifications?

has anyone went on to have a life beyond raising kids, especially when they’re older?*

Well, tbh many of us never stop having a life when we have children.

Surely you were working before having children? And What have you been doing since your 14 year old was born?

“beginning to think I’m not built for a solid relationship as they don’t last”

Well that’s just nonsense 🤷🏻‍♀️
Lots (most?) relationships don’t last. Either they end completely - dramatically with affairs, or just petering out as you grow in different directions or decide you’re no longer that bothered - or they continue but aren’t all that. Or, a minority are successful long term. Ask any happily married poster how many relationships they had before.

Sure, maybe you made bad choices (and maybe you didn’t) but it’s not about being “built” for a relationship.

I’m in my 50s with youngest 3 years from flying the nest. So hands on parenting already at an all time low. I most likely (and with luck!) have decades ahead of me!

You can look for fulfilment at work and have a child. Most of the women I work with and know like their jobs and/or are chasing their careers - and have children.

I'me a single parent in early fifties with youngest in secondary. I am now starting to get my life back. Started going out as I can leave the two of them at home alone later into the evening without a babysitter. Thinking about progression at work.

It's not too late!

Honestly, it sounds as if your issue is less the fact you had a child later in life and more that the man you love isn’t committed to you.