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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be really sad that I have no friends

3 replies

Fleetwoodmax · 28/11/2023 19:48

I moved to a new town in 2020. It was to be closer to my in-laws. It’s a fair way from London and I still continue to work in London 2 days per week but is 2 hours each way. I had a good set of friends in London and a good support network. However despite moving with a 5yo, I have very few mum friends in my new home town . I can count on one hand how many times I’ve been invited out for a drink with school mums in last 3 years. My son recently started a new school aged 7 and no one has reached out to me. I’ve asked about play dates and sent dates over but get no response. I’ve volunteered for Christmas Fayre in effort to meet mums but haven’t even had a response or acknowledgment. My husband tends to do drop off an pick up due to my work but even so. It struck me that I have no one I can really ask over for a coffee or anyone I feel I can ask advice from. I’m really sad. I’m a fairly gregarious and outgoing person BUT I don’t have a huge amount of confidence due to putting on a ton of weight and feeling so paranoid that I’m not a glamorous school mum!

I know what you will all say, do some hobbies however I find it difficult in the week due to work as I travel a lot as well as work in London 1 full days. getting a job closer to home is not an option as I would have to cut my salary by 50% and that is not an option as I’m the main breadwinner

OP posts:
Applebyapples · 28/11/2023 20:04

You're not being unreasonable to feel sad about it, since having kids I have no friends either apart from older friends who live far away now. I often feel sad about it too. I tried hard to make friends for a long time but have given up for now as I can't take the constant rejection, it was always me asking to meet up and getting nothing back. I'm overweight since having my last baby too, and wonder if that's a factor. Sorry not a very helpful post, but just wanted to send solidarity!

Tooshytoshine · 28/11/2023 20:05

That is tough. Do you want friends as you feel like you ought to have friends or are you lonely and there is a void in your life?

Your life sounds very full but not terribly enriching and like you don't have much time for yourself let alone more people to care about and to whom you will give time.

You need to carve out some time for yourself and do things for yourself - be your own friend first. Then once you have regained yourself, then you'll have space for those friends.

You are not doing anything wrong and it is not your fault. Life is just busy for everyone.

Fleetwoodmax · 28/11/2023 20:43

I don’t have a problem with taking myself off and doing things alone but I’d love to be able to visit galleries, go to restaurants, moan about my husband over a glass of wine, get advice on being a mum, have a coffee, do a spa day, go for a walk, not things I want to do on my own? I don’t think I need to be my own friend first. I want a friend!!!! Life is for living and sharing and I feel like I’m missing out

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