About mum's reaction or lack of to treat

[Neonttasselll]

I bought a spa day as a treat for me, my mum and sister. For before Christmas, checking they were free but it was a surprise. I know they aren't for everyone but we love them.

We've had a few difficult family things recently so I wanted to treat us. I sent a message with the booking confirmation ( but prices cropped) although we are open with money I thought it would be a bit crass not to. Saying booked this for us as I think we need a treat.

My sister replied my mum didn't. I then sent her an sms saying did you see my what's app as sometimes she doesn't. She replied saying yep got it, nothing else. I don't at all want grovelling gratitude, but an acknowledgement would maybe be nice.

It's a nice spay day at £150 pp and I'm not a high earner at all. So aibu to feel a bit hurt by her response or lack of?

Work is hard right now and I'm definitely struggling a bit so I do doubt my reactions.

Maybe that sort of thing doesn't appeal to her at all?

Is this out of character for your mum to react like this ?

Have you actually made it clear you’ve paid, or just said it’s booked? She might think you’ve booked it but that they’re expected to pay for themselves which, particularly this close to Christmas, may be an issue. Otherwise is she self conscious of her figure, or perhaps spa days aren’t her idea of fun?

@sixteenfurryfeet i said in my op we love spa days. We do them once or twice a year and she loves treatments like massages. I put it in my op as I totally get spa days are devicive! Especially here. But each to their own!

Ignore my last question then 😅 but the rest still stands… I think. <goes back to reread>

Def said I paid. We do spa days together so she does like them. None of us have perfect figures but she's not bothered about being in a swimming costume.

Sorry don't want to be like no, no, no to replies just clarifying

OP, I'm assuming this is totally out of character for your Mum? Would she normally reply in a polite, upbeat sort of manner to you? Is there anything going on in her life (even if it seems trivial to you) that may be affecting/distracting her? Maybe you've said something to piss her off without realising it or maybe your sister has. Would you necessarily know if it was the latter?

Why don't you directly ask your mum how she feels about it? Maybe somethings bothering her.

Does she know it’s definitely for her and not just you and your sister?

If the dates are flexible, then perhaps you could ask her if that date is still ok for her and get it out of her that way?

Perhaps she doesn’t like the fact that you’ve planned her day for her without her say so.

My mum and siblings had planned a day out and had discussed it but didn’t mention it to me. Then my mum texted and said we’re all meeting at 9am at X place on Saturday.
I was so annoyed that they didn’t think to check if I was free or not and just told me I was coming.
I told them I was busy and didn’t go.
In hindsight I was being petty by not going but it really annoyed me that they had planned my day for me.

I’d speak to her. If you’ve not explicitly said she could be worried it’s an each pay own way scenario.

As I said in previous posts I checked she was free to do something and said I paid.

I will ask her about it. But did want a sense check on whether it was something I should ask about.

How old is Mum?

What's your sister said about your mums lack of reaction?

I use to love spa days and spa weekends but I just stopped liking them. I find the ones in the UK lacking and boring now. I have a favourite one in Europe which is massive which I like to go to max twice a year and only in winter as it’s mostly outside in the mountains. I am perimenopause age though. Maybe she just can’t be bothered at the moment. You’ll have a great time with your sister she sounds like she’s looking forward to it.

Is she maybe uncomfortable with the generosity of the gift? Either because she thinks it's a lot compared to your income or if she thinks it sets a precedent that she will need to do similar and maybe can't afford to or doesn't want to spend her money in that way?

Or does she just not like surprises , I really don't.

Do you think she might think it’s her Christmas present and maybe she’s disappointed because it’s something you all do regularly anyway? Or could it be she knows you have done it ‘just because’ and it’s making her feel pressured to match the spa plus a Christmas present in return to you and can’t afford it?
I would assume crossed wires in this scenario.

Just message her and say you might have misread but she doesn't seem that keen judging by her response and ask if everything is OK, if she would like you to try and rearrange or get money back etc.

Or could it be because it was close to Christmas and she knew you were booking something she was expecting you to book something Christmassy - like a Christmas meal or a show etc and she’s disappointed that it’s for something you regularly do?

I would speak to her rather than further messages. Ask her if everything was OK because she hadn't acknowledged that you'd bought her a spa day. Then you will find out either she's potentially planned something else for that day and is hedging her bets before telling you she can't come, you've done something to piss her off and she's got the hump or she's just plain rude. If it's the latter I think I would tell her it's customary to thank someone for a gift.

I imagine she literally has no idea how much it cost. You could say something like "I'm really looking forward to it, it was a bit pricey but wanted to treat us all as we deserve it"