Phobia of people seeing me cry is getting ridiculous

[stoicsue]

Just that really. I'm a 41 year old woman and for reasons that I'm sure are deep rooted in my childhood, I am absolutely phobic of people seeing me cry.

I can sit in a room full of people at a sad event, with everyone else crying, and still doing everything I possibly can, to make sure I don't cry too.

I dread going to anything where I might be moved to tears and I hate having to talk about anything that might make me cry.

I know it's not healthy and it's definitely not something I want to pass onto my 12 year old twins (who have probably never seen me cry).

Does anyone have this same issue? Has anyone found a way to move past it?

I don't remember ever crying in public no phobia or anything and never thought about it just never happens I guess

What is it that you're actually scared of, that you're scared of making a fool of yourself, that you think people will think your reaction is over the top? Did someone laugh when you started crying as a child? If you can work out what it actually is then you can start to rationalize it and think about it in a more logical way.

Many people don't cry in public or in front of others. I think you need to unpick more about what the feeling is about (as not crying can be normal) or just accept you dont and that's OK but let your children know expressing emotions is fine. I am rarely in a public place where crying or not is an issue.

I wouldn’t say it’s a phobia for me but I’m exactly the same. I think it stems from being told “you don’t need to cry” “don’t make a scene” as a child.

I cried twice in front of people outside home as an adult. Both were anger tears.
I don't think it's unusual not wanting to cry in public.

I don’t cry very often at all and almost never in public that I can recall. That includes the death of my dear dad and both in-laws whom I loved dearly. I did shed tears ( many for dad but none in public).

Then last year we lost our beloved dog and I was like a tap. Could not stop crying. Apart from at the vet, which was big ugly crying, it was mostly big fat tears but I had very little control over it.

So sometimes it can change. Feel a bit tearful just typing this.

This might be a good problem to address with The Feeling Good Handbook?

It's a good resource for looking at these sorts of anxieties and teaching yourself how not to worry about them.