I’ve never been so hurt

[Mybloodisboiling]

About a month ago I found out through a biopsy my tumour was malignant. I’m still currently going though tests to find out what exactly caused it and what will happen next.

the day before I went to my scan me and my ex broke up. He randomly messages me first time in a month to see our children on the day he said I have plans he then tells me he has a right to know what happened at the hospital I eventually tell him almost exact same as written above as I don’t have any more information then that.

he tells me how much he’s crying ( not once asks how i am) so I ignore the messages I then get loads of no caller IDs so I message and ask if it’s him and what day to see our daughter.

he then tells me I’m lying about the cancer as I don’t know which stage and how could I because his great nan died of it. I’m evil and horrible.

my blood is boiling I’m not lying I just don’t have the answers I’m also terrified as I’m 24 with children and no family so feel so alone.

I just can’t believe he would do that.

any how do I communicate with someone who’s made me feel like this and co parent as it’s breaking me. And I’m not well enough to deal with it

Oh darling how awful for you. I'm sorry you're going through this alone.

He's an ex for a reason and he's obviously a bad 'un.

Who cares what he thinks or says? Look after yourself first.

Sorry I've not got any decent advice. You must be so scared.

Google "grey rock" and only answer texts regarding him visiting your children. Ignore all the rest.

You parent day-to-day right now. Just the absolute bare minimum. No calls and texts which aren't about the kids. He'll make everything about him so give him nothing to do that with.

And look after yourself!!!

What an absolute bastard; I am so sorry you're going through this. Agree with previous posters who say about parenting day-to-day and grey-rocking.

I read somewhere that women are 6 x more likely than men to have their partner split up with them if they become very unwell. It happened to me; I started having seizures and was told it might be a brain tumour (it wasn't). My husband of 7 years immediately ended things and never once asked after me.

What a piece of shit. I am so deeply sorry you are dealing with all of this.

Ignore the asshole and focus on you and your health.

Thank God he's an ex. xx

I have chronic illness and my ex constantly accused me of lying, always saying I had an eating disorder and that why I lost so much weight, just minimized me in so many ways. He sounded just like your ex. If I cried about something he had to cry more and make it all about him. Very selfish and childish. You wouldn't think a pathetic manchild could make you feel so bad and create so much self doubt but it really is damaging to hear those things. It's difficult to shake the way it made me feel, especially because my doctors were dismissive too. Since you are facing something very serious and life threatening on top of co-parenting with someone who is also harmful to your mental health I think you should seek therapy through this medical journey you're on. Hopefully it will mitigate the awful things he's said, and help you face treatment, while parenting too. You need someone to talk to. Seek support wherever you can. Maybe there's a group therapy that meets in your area. I did that for a couple years and it was amazing. I agree with all the pp too. Your health (mental and physical) have to be top priority.

Your ex is a self centred arse.

I'm so incredibly sorry you are going through this.

It's completely normal not to have details yet. The hospital will tell you once they have all the facts. They don't want to scare you before they know anything.

Like others have said, grey rock 🪨

Bless you.

Can you tell him all communication goes through email? Set up a new email address specifically for this purpose and if possible, ask a friend to vet them before reading?

He has no rights to any information about you, he is a liar and trying to control you.

I am so sorry this happened I wonder why they do it

Thank you so much it’s completely draining x

You can't co parent with a cunt.
Ime. He has no right to know your business at all op.

He has no right to know anything about you whatsoever. Keep communication to about the children, anything tell him it's none of his business. He's an arse.

Well thank fuck he's an ex!

Some people absolutely cannot perceive any situation without making themselves the main character. You have more important things to worry about right now than why he's one of them. Focus on yourself. Maybe ask a friend to be your go between for necessary contact regarding your daughter. He can manage his self centred spite by himself.

It's normal not to have more information than that at this stage. You are young with your age on your side and it sounds as if things have been caught early. I wish you all the best.

So sorry you are going through this and then have an arsehole to deal with too. My Mum was told she had cancer in a follow up appointment about a lump they biopsied. Then she had to go in for more tests a couple of weeks later which included both a CT scan and then an MRI to determine the size of the lump and the extent of the cancer. He clearly doesn't understand how appointments work. Hopefully he will talk to someone about this and be put right.

Right now you take one day at a time. I would suggest correspondece by email then you can deal with them when you are ready.

Thank you to everyone you just can’t coparent with a abuser or lier and atm it’s causing me so much more stress then it’s helpfula

What a twat.

However. If you might need treatment like chemo that could be debilitating for a while, you might need him onside to take care of kids.

Don't give a flying fuck about whatever self-absorbed shit he's got going on. Look to your own best interests, which might mean telling him a bare minimum and warning him of the possibility that he'll have to step up, take time off work etc for a while.

Thank you so much luckily I have family he didn’t see our daughter for the whole first year of her life then came back with flowers all these dreams of family events the left once I got I’ll a few months later. I would rather ask reliable people he already refused to do a day so I could attend a scan however he is not giving up his Saturday either the next day as he has a birthday meal and instead wants me to move a doctors appointment the en t week so it fits in his time he’s impossible and I’m going to stop contact and hope court can sort it as I mentally don’t need it currently!

thank you so much though x