Child maintenance and benefits

[Bewildbefree]

Aibu with this rant.
Just been looking into child maintenance because I’ve had enough of my good for nothing ex!
He’s been claiming Disability benefits for his “mental health” for over 15 years. Nothing wrong with him. Just a man who likes to get high and doesn’t want to work. Lies through his back teeth about it and uses up mental health services to cover his lies so he receives benefits.
Yes I know I chose him (well kind of) I was 15 and he was 21 and he abused me for many years before I got out!
Anyway… £7 a week for 3 children £7!! Meanwhile I’m working two jobs and its not even covering my bills. Crying most nights about what I’ll do for Christmas. Running around after 4 children (one not his) trying to succeed in my career. 3 children have numerous clubs. Football ect that I fund and take them to. He only see them once a fortnight (I’m glad about) but they are teenagers who make their own mind.
It just infuriates me how so many men lie to the system and some women are really bloody struggling doing the job of two parents and can’t even afford a decent meal! The system is so floored.
His disability benefits are probably the same as a decent wage. So why shouldn’t he have to pay a chunk of that! It’s absolutely bullshit.

Anyone else?

Rant over!

if It’s any help you are not alone! And your children will have the hugest respect for you for providing for them and ensuring they have a great childhood. If they’re teenagers then they can probably already see him for what he is. Know that your children are learning morals and values from you. Be proud and try not to let his life and choices effect you.

My ex (no contact for 7 years now) pays £5 a week and he’s a self employed plumber earning ££££ but pays himself £8k a year 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yanbu in that of course he should pay

Yabu in thinking disability benefits are the same as a decent wage.

Maybe you’re right. But I know a few that get at-least minimum wage on it & on minimum wage you still have to pay a chunk a month. Whats the difference. Its a disgrace

It really infuriates me. It would be more bearable if he actually had a disability and couldn’t work. He’s choosing not to.

It's rubbish, I just think some people are takers. They will find a way to do as little as possible and let the state support them and leave the other parent to do all of the hard work. Shame on them and shame on your ex.

Unfortunately there are plenty like your ex and it's not just men either. My dp's ex threw her children out, they weren't even teenagers. She is also on disability and works part-time earning under the threshold to pay any tax of course. Heaven forbid she should contribute to the system. She always said her dc were holding her back and she couldn't get a better or full-time job because of them. Now the dc live with my dp all of the time she had to find another excuse, so she now claims she is physically unable. Of course she seems to go out clubbing/drinking fine! It's been a battle to get any maintenance out of her. Parents like these are simply selfish people. I wish the CMS could hold them to account more.

He sounds like a thorough awful person

I agree with you, the system is terrible and rigged against mothers, who are generally the resident parent.

At least you’re not still with him though! Well done for getting out of there. (That’s what I remind myself about my exh)

I get £7 a week for 4 children. I'm closing my claim though as not worth it and I don't need it. It's been this way since we split as he hasn't worked in 7 years he has only just had to start paying as before he didn't need to pay anything as he had debts 😏

Oh I know its just not men. That was harsh. It just seems to be more men. I got out like 10 years ago. So I’m well over that. I’ve since been back to university, had multiple surgeries and health problems myself. That and his abuse gave me PTSD and anxiety. I should be receiving his bloody benefits for the mental health he’s caused me. It just pisses me off how he has been able to get away with it so long. He probably wouldn’t know how to work in society now. But people like this should he held accountable and forced to train back into work. They’re sponges!

7 pounds a week really isn’t worth it and he most likely has debts too! If they were forced to pay more out of their benefits or work, I bet they would soon re-think not working!

Whilst there are very occasionally female NRPs who dick about like this, the stats bear out the general fact that it is well over 90% men so lets not get too invested in the "not just men" thing. It matters because, as with so many things, the systems in place are inadequate and poorly enforced because the "victims" of it are almost all women and so there is very little interest in doing anything about it - just like flaws in maternity care, sexual assault conviction cases, gender pay gap, CAMHS underfunding (the result of which largely falls on women to deal with as they go part time or give up work to support children who can't be in school) and so on. It was clear in the first days of the covid enquiry that those making the plans for lockdown, WFH and school closure, had no thought to how this would impact working mothers, or that access to FSM would stop that would ALSO impact, disproportionately, single parents who are almost all female.

The CMS technically does have powers to enforce non payment but doesn't use them but this won't help the OP as he is paying what he SHOULD. The issue goes deeper than that - the rate of CMS, especially if the paying parent is on benefits is entirely inadequate. I have suggested many times on here two things: firstly that the CMS should be a part of HMRC to make dodging and hiding income much harder and more harshly enforced and secondly that there should be a minimum rate that if the paying parent cannot or does not meet, the state does and it accrues as a debt of the NRP to HMRC that will be recovered via penal means or state pension but doesn't leave the RP and the children in dire straits.

My ExH did the same. Didn't work for years and lived off wealthy OW. After 6 years paid the minimum he had to. They are very wealthy with paid off mortgage and property they rent out. I never fully recovered financially. It truly sucks.

I hear you. Similar circumstances here.
I have twins to my abusive/psychopathic ex,
he also refuses to work and claims benefits.
He isn't allowed contact with our daughters ( court ordered) which he blames me for and because of that, will not get a job or voluntarily pay any maintenance.
I also receive the pittance of £7 a week, actually it's less because the CMS deduct 4% from me as an 'admin fee'.
In the last 2 years I've received a total of around £86. Apparently he has debts which are being deducted from his benefits which take a higher priority than his maintenance payments 🙄.
So even though his maintenance payments are deducted straight from his benefits, I don't even get that if he has run up other debts that need to be deducted first.
The whole system is an absolute shambles.

I hear you. My ex never paid while he was working. He owes thousands in unpaid CMS. Start of covid he went on to benefits, i get £7 per week for now 2 (its was 3 but hes over 18 now) but the debt of what he owes remains untouched, as he is on benefits, they dont take extra for the unpaid amount. Its somewhere around £8000 i think, ive given up on ever getting that money. Meanwhile i work myself to death to get everything our children need, and want, give them a nice warm, safe home, and have holidays and childhood memories.

It sucks. The system sucks. Its unfair, but its not going to change. You just have to swallow it down and do the best you can for you children. When they grow up, they will know which parent gave the best they could, and which didnt bother.

It’s absolutely criminal how women and children are treated by CMS and radical reforms are needed ASAP

Its not easy to claim disability benefits ,and its also not easy to pull.the wool.over mental health professionals eyes he may well be a dick but honestly they don't give out PIP for nothing.

He’s been doing it years. I know because he’s told me its fake, he just doesn’t want to work.

This. My ex doesn't even have to pay me £7 because he is magically unemployed and not on benefits, in other words, working cash in hand and not declaring it. Am I bitter? I was, but it changes nothing sadly and I refuse to let it annoy me anymore.

However, your view on disability benefits is completely backwards. My child is disabled, you likely wouldn't notice at first glance but has ASD and SLD amongst a few other things. I get carers element of UC, they get DLA. I can assure you it is nothing like a decent wage and I find your view of disability benefits more of a windup than child maintenance.

The prevailing wisdom on here in no one plays the system and it’s much harder than people think, and that it should be, to claim disability benefits, least of all for mental illness.

Sorry he’s not contributing to his children with you.

It may be a wind up from your point of view because your child needs it and you probably found it hard to claim it.

But its also a wind up that people like him can claim it fraudulently and will get their rent ect ect included in this. So when its all added up. It does effectively calculate to a working wage for him. It is different for children who also have an adult providing for them. As an adult claiming they have to have enough to live. Just like a living wage. He’s driving round in a Merc. So I can almost guarantee he is doing something dodgey along side.

I don’t want to argue about benefits because I know people who genuinely need them. He is not one of them. I know this for a fact. I’ve seen him pretend to hear voices and tell me its a lie afterwards.

Unfortunately because he is on benefits he only has to pay peanuts for maintenance. Totally wrong I agree x you are doing a fantastic job raising your children and i hope they realize it x

Right there with you, £7 a week for 3 kids. I keep the CMA rolling because it keeps him in the gutter. He will never get a job because he doesn't want to pay. I work hard and give my kids everything all by myself. I even spend the measly £7 a week on myself as a fuck you to him 🤣

I get fuck all because my ex apparently earns less than £7 per week. I'd love to know who buys his Harleys then! Ffs.

OP is talking about an adult claimant not a child. Different scenario and benefits. I'm sure there are genuinely disabled people struggling to get what is rightly theirs and I sympathise wholeheartedly, but there are most definitely adults who are claiming disability that shouldn't and have made a career out of pretending they are ill for years. Like others have said their total benefit package should be looked at as income for CMS, rent included, just like a working person. It's a joke.
I do agree with @BibbleandSqwauk that it mainly affects women and if it affected men in the same way, then the CMS would have been overhauled long ago. It should definitely be part of HMRC.

Thank Blob out. A quick calculation shows that those claiming are also entitled to PIP, universal credit and that includes rents paid and other benefits. Which would and does calculate to around 1700 a month. If he was working the CMS would be taking 343 out of that. But because he isn’t working they don’t. Its a sham!