Hard to explain this but will try:
I dated a man briefly in 2018.
We remained friends after the break-up and it didn't take long for it to morph into a friends with benefits situation, which it remains today. I know the FWB set-up gets a bad rap, but it's mostly a healthy, harmless situation for us both. We love each other a ton, but not in a romantic way.
It's not just sex. We've both helped each other out a ton over the years. My kids adore him, he's always there if I have an emergency and vice versa.
However....
He has an extremely unusual personality that I struggle to explain. He seems to lack empathy and it's hard to interact with him sometimes, almost like talking to someone with a language barrier.
The best way to describe him is 'awkward'.
We been socialising together a lot lately and I have realised that, in social situations, all the awkwardness goes out the window and he turns into this outgoing, enigmatic man, and everyone adores him.
As soon as we're alone again, he goes back into his shell and becomes very introverted. He's like a different person.
Even when we're in a big group, he's Mr Personality to everyone else and still awkward and stand-offish with me.
We went to a friend's wedding two weeks ago and she just called me to tell me how moved she was by what he wrote in their guestbook. It's like bloody Shakespeare. On the rare years he's remembered my birthday, he's written no more than four words in a hastily scribbled card.
I'm a bit tired of it. I can't work out why he's the life and soul of the party around people he barely knows but like an awkward, sulky teenager when it's just he and I, and yet has maintained our friendship over so many years.
Now that said, on two occasions I've accidentally overheard him talking to close friends of mine, about me, and he speaks so highly of me and says such kind things. I was completely taken aback on both occasions. But never ever to my face.
I cannot work this out at all and am wondering if it's worth discussing with him. It's such an odd situation and the only conclusion I can come up with, is that, despite the longevity of our friendship, he actively dislikes me and is using me for sex.
I don't think this is the case but I can't make head nor tail of it otherwise.