to think that my mum really could babysit just once

[ManchesterMummy]

It's my birthday today. DD is is 5mo and dh and I haven't been out together alone since she was born. MIL has been offering to babysit since before we got married, let alone had dd, and was going to babysit this weekend while we go to a restaurant over the road for one course only and no drinks.

MIL has a stomach bug, so can't, and I wouldn't want her to cos DD and I have just had it thanks. My mum keeps asking me what we've got planned for my birthday, I told her the whole story, asked her if she'd like to babysit and she said no. Today, she asked me yet again what we've got planned.

MIL lives 10 miles away and was delighted at the thought of helping us. My mum lives a mile away. She's in perfect health, and could have brought my dad too for company. MIL is on her own. We would have been 90 minutes at the most and, as DD more ogten than not goes to sleep at 7 and doesn't wake until the morning, a babysitter would need to do no more than check on her a few times. I suspect she doesn't want to as she thinks our house is cold and because we won't allow her to smoke inside.

I'm probably asking too much of her here, but why ask what we're doing when she knows we can't so anything!!

If smoking is more important than her Granddaughter then she has a problem - stuff her and make it the following week when your MIL can do it.

my mil wont do it for our kids either she just says no

xo you've set the ground rules that no one can smoke in your house and you are suprised that a smoker does not want to spend time there?

theBOD - it's not that hard to be a smoker in a "no smoking house"..........you just go OUTSIDE the front/back door to have one!

theBOD - we don't smoke, none of our friends do, and we have a baby. And I really think even she could go without a fag for 90 minutes while I have the night out that she keeps telling me I really deserve!

Spoke to my MIL earlier and she's promised to babysit once she's better - I think she's more upset about not helping than she is about feeling ill, bless her!

I lived nearer I'd come and babysit for you, ManchesterMummy! It's only 90 minutes. YANBU.

Sorry but your mum sounds like a lazy cow!! Stay in and have a takeaway and celebrate your birthday next weekend. You will be a able to relax and enjoy yourself more if your baby is someone who really wants to be with her.

Have a similar problems. My parents never want to help me out ever or visit or let us visit them...! MIL happy to have the kids stay over for a week whenever. I think you're lucky you have a wonderful MIL and she deserves to be totally worshipped!! Stay in on your birthday and have a takeaway and a bottle of wine. Go out for a night when your MIL is better and buy a big bunch of flowers for her (perhaps make sure your mum sees them!!). I find smokers are generally selfish people. All they can think of is their next fag. No-one else matters to them more than that puff on a cigarette - certainly no-one else's health. They really do act as if you are satan for asking them not to smoke in your home/around your child. If anyone is so desperate to smoke then they should simply go outside as someone else suggested. I don't really understand peoples' thinking - if you cannot live without a cigarette for 90 minutes then you have a problem that is out of control - yet smoking isn't considered as bad as alcohol or drugs etc. At least if someone has a drink at regular intervals it's not immediately dangerous to someone else's health - it's only dangerous to other people if the drinker becomes violent or gets behind the wheel of a car. (ok rant over) Have fun on your birthday!

it doesn't matter whether you think she could, she won't and that's her decision.

BOD's right. it's your decision to ban smoking in your house (I certainly won't allow people to smoke in mine once my child is born) but it's hers to refuse to spend time there because of the ban.

Happy birthday !!!!!

Your Mum is a bit off for not helping out in this instance, but I'd do what others suggest - get a bottle of wine and a takeaway and go out next week.

Your MIL sounds an angel - look after her!!

Happy Birthday! My mother hasn't babysat yet either and my eldest is 6 years old.

Be thankful for your MIL who sounds great.

I think your mothers claim about the smoking thing is an excuse. There aren't many places that you can go where you can smoke your tits off so either she never goes anywhere or she already knows she has to go outside. Perhaps she'll be more interested when the baby is older?

My mum caouldn't get enough of my ds when he was small by now she doesn't want to know (he's 27 months)
I wouldn't mind if he was a devil, but he sleeps 7pm till 8am unless ill. Oh well her lose i suppose

Enjoy your meal next week xx