Partner not contributing

[hazelchoc]

I have just given birth to a newborn baby and me and my partner are in the process of looking for our own place as we have our own places at the moment.

Since the baby was born 10 days ago my partner has been with me every night to help out.

My partner will leave the lights on all night, forget to turn the lights off, turn the light on in the day, turn the central heating on day and have long showers.

All this is costing me money and its not fair that he uses my utilities so sparingly without offering to contribute.

I am only on Maternity Leave and as partner hasnt been working for 6 weeks he has been asking me to go halves on all the baby stuff.

All partner does is moan about not being able to work and all the money he has lost due to having to take time off work.

I gave birth 4 weeks prematurely, I had suspected Sepsis, and now I have a womb infection which I am on antibiotics for but I dont moan I get on with it despite being worried how I am going to afford all these big gas and electric bills since he has been staying with me.

Partner keeps asking me when am I doing an online food shop as I refuse to do an online food shop as I am not buying food for him without him contributing.

I dont know know how to address this as I am worried I will have big bills now next month but all partner will complain of is being broke and how I at least get Maternity pay.

Why is this prince among men not working?

I'd tell him to go home tbh.

Tell him to fuck off. Whine whine whine me me meeeeee. You need support, not a burden

It would be an act of insanity to give up your own home to move in with the man who’s openly a parasite. Please, please reconsider and put your best interests first.

I'd suggest not moving in with him.

Why hasn't he worked for 6 weeks? Is he unemployed or has he taken time off?

He is self employed and said he took the time off to come with me to appointments etc.

Because I dont feel 100% he is having to delay going back to work.

All I get is stress and moaned at.
Last night was complaining about not getting oral sex and sex despite me having a 2nd degree tear.

I just feel so miserable all the time, I love my baby son so much but it is ruined by him being around.

Good god, just tell him to leave and go back to work.

Unfortunately, him being self employed will probably mean he fucks you over on child maintenance but better no support at all than this.

He's moaning about lack of sex 10 days after you've given birth? Bloody hell OP. He doesn't give a shit about you. Send him packing.

Tell him to leave. He isn't helping. He's taking advantage.

Christ. The man is a complete monster.

You would have better mental health, greater happiness, perhaps more money and only one child to look after if you get rid of him. I don't know why you're referring to him as a "partner" because he isn't one. And he's a sex pest on top of everything else? Come on OP, tell him to fuck off.

Well he's not a partner is he. Raise your bar.

Yes tell his to fuck off and you can do it alone

I would hold off living together but he still needs to help with his child

He has zero redeeming features. Why are you with him? As for demanding sex! He’d be out of the door clutching his knob if he’d said that to me.

You need to look back through your post and re-read what you wrote
really?? why are you even considering moving in with this man?
he should be bending over backwards, trying to support YOU and feed YOU considering the ordeal YOU have gone through. I had a premature birth and sepsis. I know what it feels like, it was dangerous for me and the baby and an awful recovery and being on antibiotics postpartum looking after a newborn and dealing with all your body changes is stressful enough without him having to demand oral sex from you too
he didn’t need to take six weeks off work and even if he did take six weeks of work, he had 9 months in order to prepare financially for this. Tell him to go back home because you can’t afford yourself baby and him all living in the same place, and I doubt it very much that he’s going to contribute if you move in with him
I am perplexed as to why you are calling this child, a man and even going as far as calling him a partner. I know you don’t want to be alone because you’ve just had a baby, but the way he is treating you now is giving you big fat clues as to how he is going to treat you in future. These are red flags
A decent man would understand that you have just had his baby need his financial and emotional support and make you feel reassured that he is there to look after you

my sisters partner when she was feeling depressed couldnt do enough for her. He is always helping clean her flat cooking for her supporting her and ensuring that she is okay and he doesn’t even live with or have kids with her- you have just had this man’s BABY and you couldn’t even lift a finger for you

listen to everyone here, and do not move in with this man- anyway you will get more support financially from universal credit If you’re not living with someone, you can claim support towards your rent or mortgage even if you are working and other things to which you might not be entitled to if he moves in with you and this would be a double whammy as he won’t be contributing in the way they say he should be .. you will be poor . He didn’t even save up for your baby together
moving in with him will be a big financial and emotional mistake for you .

He is vile

What am I reading?! Why on earth are you considering moving in with him? So he can carry on being a cocklodger? Tell him to fuck off home and get back to work! Bloody hell, woman, where are your standards? And he wants sex? Wtf?!

He's awful OP, ditch him immediately. He will only get worse (if that's even possible). Cut your losses now and throw him out.

Tell him to go back to work. Tell him as you are on maternity pay your worried about the bills and if he’s any sort of partner he will offer to help. Why can’t he do an online shop?

Oh op. You deserve so much more. This man is clueless. Your experience of your baby is directly impacted by how supportive, or not, your partner is. You really don’t need him in your life. Please reach out to friends and family.

Having a new baby is enough stress without a massive man baby around who isnt giving you the support you need.

Tell him to go back to his own place for a week and give your head peace.

You need to set boundaries. Let him know the days or nights that he can come round. I would only be allowing max. 3 nights a week so you can have some distance and assess whether he improves or whether you need to end the relationship.

Im still in alot of pain as I also have a 2nd degree tear as well as a womb infection and he has been doing 75% of the feeds nappies and housework.

I just want to get better so I can concentrate on looking after my son.
It just seems one thing after another at the minute.

I think as soon as I am 100% I will tell him to go home and set an amount that he should contribute towards the upkeep of our son.

This seems like a good plan op.

If he's helping at the moment, then let him help.

Concentrate on getting better.

No, you should not be giving him oral sex or having sex with him at the moment. That is actually disgusting that he has even mentioned that. Really really grim.

Please do not let him move in. Your life will be utterly horrible if you do.

Please dont have sex.

I had sex about 10 days after birth (my choice as I was really gagging and had no tears etc) but I ended up with a really nasty infection which turned into PID.