Is it DH's fault?

[cantsleepinbed]

I can't sleep in my bed anymore. I'm not really sure why.

I can sleep in the kids beds or on the sofa downstairs but I can't sleep in my bed.

I have healthy anxiety which I'm medicated for but recently switched to a new medication which really messed me up. The anxiety was the worst its ever been and I kept having some kind of panic attack type things. But only in my bed.

Anyway, back on my old medication, all good now. But I've been sleeping on the sofa for weeks and weeks. Put repeats of my favourite programme on and fall asleep to that. Tried once to go back to my bed, couldn't sleep because I thought I was dying and then woke up in the night having another panic attack.

Is it all in my head? Have I got a dodgy pillow and mattress? Or is it DH?

He definitely does distrub my sleep. Firstly it's the lack of space with two of us and then DH's absolutely awful snoring. I can hear it even when I sleep downstairs but not enough to bother me down there.

I don't feel like I can sleep on the sofa forever. I can't afford at the moment to change, mattress or pillows to see if that helps. I could ask DH to sleep downstairs for a few nights to see if I sleep okay in our bed without him but if that is the problem, well, I can't kick him out and make him sleep on the sofa.

Any ideas?? Is this a me problem, a bed problem or a DH problem??

What size bed do you have? I can't sleep in a double with DH, we have a super king but even a king-size is more tolerable than the standard double. I need some space to be able to sleep.

Anxiety and medication aside, it's horrific to sleep with a snorer!

Has he done anything about his snoring?

Yep, it's a double. And neither of us are particularly small either! Sadly the room isn't big enough for anything larger than a double.

I do think this is part of the problem.

He thinks he might have sleep apnea, I have on occasion, but not very often, heard him stop breathing momentarily during the night.

He snoring incredibly loudly regardless of the position he's in.

He did once try one of those cheapo snoring things on his nose which didn't work but beyond that, no.

I think his own snoring stops him for sleeping well, too.

You said that you sleep on the sofa falling asleep with tv on ?, that could be the problem, I have to sleep with an audio book and my headphones so I don’t distract anyone ( it has to be something you can sleep to Stephen fry has a lovely soft voice )

I forced my partner, who I think has sleep apnea, to go to a doctor’s appointment and I went with him as I knew he would underplay the snoring (he can’t hear it, I can even in a different room!). Finally he has an appointment at a sleep clinic soon! You could try this for your DH if snoring is the problem.
And yes, scientifically you need to try the bed without DH to see if that’s the issue. And try separate duvets.
Overall though, the main problem could be your associating the bed with insomnia and therefore being aware of everything wrong, but sleeping alone may change the association.

Never before have I needed to have anything to help me sleep but when the anxiety got particularly bad and I started sleeping on the sofa, I'd put on a episode of Doctor Who and fall asleep watching that, really just so my brain didn't think any anxious thoughts and had something else to focus on.

When I tried sleeping back in my bed, I put the TV on up there, DH didn't mind, and fell asleep watching that. Didn't stop me waking in the night though.

Have you had him tested, I went to a sleep clinic in Cambridge overnight to be monitored, I stopped breathing 73 times !. I now have a Cpap machine which is life changing !

when he stops breathing does he wake up desperate for a wee - that’s a sure sign. They have a list of questions they ask each check and that one of them along with ones like - if he sits and reads in the afternoon will he sleep. If he’s a passenger in the car does he sleep.

I got to the stage when I would fall asleep if I sat down even mid conversation!

Also to add, a few times a week I've been taking half a nytol to help me sleep. That's when ive been on the sofa. Not in my bed.

But that's probably because with how shit my sleep has been, I've taken to having some day time naps, then get in a terrible cycle of not being able to sleep at night because I napped during the day, hence the nytol. But then the nytol makes me want to nap in the day too. Have been trying not to use it anymore. Vicious circle!

I think when you start worrying about not sleeping it actually becomes a habit that you wake up. The small bed and snoring won’t help.

He needs to see a GP...record his snoring sleep apnopea is serious

My brother in law fell asleep everywhere toilet, meetings etc he only got help when he fell asleep driving

Worrying about sleep stops sleep. Are you active in the day

No, not active.

I second trying audio books.

They help get your thoughts out of your head if that makes sense. If I wake up in the night I just pop it back on and then it sends me off to sleep again shortly.... then you almost train yourself back to sleep when you hear the voice, funnily enough.

It sounds like you already know about sleep hygiene and a good consistent routine (fresh air, hot drink, bath, bed, audiobook, sleep etc etc etc).

Hmm. DH doesn't fall asleep anywhere other than on the sofa after dinner. I wake him up eventually and tell him to go to bed.

When I was on the sofa the other night, I had to go upstairs to check on DH because I heard him make an awful gasping noise. He was fine and sound asleep. Doesn't remember doing it. Not the first time he's done that noise.

I do really worry about it now and I suppose I associate my bed and room with panic attacks, poor sleep, etc.