Is this crazy?

[hopefullyagiraffe]

I am in a senior management public services job, quite a niche specialism which I have built up a lot of knowledge in but I am not particularly passionate about it (just fell into it) and I hate it.

I have 2 DC (age 2 and 5) and DH does a high pressured long hours job that involves weekends working key holidays like Xmas. This arrangement won't change and he earns 50% more than me.

I am so burnt out, I hate the toxic culture and the job and whilst I have specialist knowledge the function I manage is a mess from historic ways of doing things and I don't have it in me to really single handle sort it out (or care enough).

I earn well at the moment but I have nothing left for the DC physically and mentally. I am falling apart with stress health wise. The only perks of the role are I mainly WFH and can be flexible for things like appointments and school stuff. However I then pay for it by working in the evening etc. I feel my stress seeping into interactions with DC.

I have talked with DH about stepping out completely, taking something low stress and part time eg 3 days in a school office. This would be a massive pay cut. It is just about manageable but I would have to use my pension contributions from the current role (only been there 18months so automatically gets returned to me) to pay for younger DCs nursery until it's free with 30 hours in about a year.

I would be stepping right back from the niche and everything I've built up Knowsley wise that equates to salary, so worried about regret but I can't continue like this. I would also be passing up WFH which is obviously a perk but for lesser, set hours which might give me some detachment from work.

Once childcare costs have decreased I could look at increasing hours, moving back up in seniority and establishing a better pension pot. I'm only 30.

Is this crazy in this cost of living crisis? We could JUST get by.

Tricky. Obviously mental health and burnout are a very serious consideration. However there's nothing worse for your mental health than going to sleep worrying about money. Surely there's a halfway? Something a bit more than three days a week term time only?

No job or salary is worth making yourself ill over, however, if you are planning on quitting because of the stress you have absolutely nothing to lose by talking to your bosses.
Explain the historical mess, the exhaustion and you need help sorting it all out to them be able to manage it moving forward.
They'll either step up and find a way to help and you keep salary and sanity or they don't, and at that point you leave and get a lower stress job

I wouldn't. "Just" getting by would worry me too much - it only needs one thing to go up and you're struggling.

Is there no option to look for an equivalent level (or slightly lower level, as opposed to much lower level) job in a different company? It sounds as though your issues are more with the company than the job per se?

Mental health is too important- I’d leave. BUT explore all your options for leaving first ie could you take leave or a sabbatical to give yourself breathing room to think?

The using your pension pot to pay for childcare is particularly the bit I’d be uncomfortable with.

If your DH earns well and he is the father of your children - the why on earth are YOU taking payments to YOUR pension to pay for your joint child ? A financial penalty you have already paid in reduced income and pension payments whilst giving birth. I bet your husband hasn't sacrificed a single penny of pension whilst gaining two children.

Personally I would ask to go part time in your current job and suggest you DH make up your reduced pension payments whilst you take more time to raise your joint children.

Yes this is my worry. The burnout may be driving me to be a bit risky financially.

I have a craft side hustle (yes the usual Etsy thing) which makes a few hundred pounds a month when I have the time. It's fizzled at the moment. So envisaging myself less burnt out I would put some time into this to try and pad things out. I am aware there's no guarantees on this so haven't factored in the income.

The issue really is part time, I think as well as the place and level of role, I really need to be part time especially given DHs hours and the massive bonus with school jobs of being term time is a draw. So that would save us heaps on holidays clubs and wrap around care.

I feel like we can't both be not here for the DC mentally and physically, one of us needs to step back and I actually want to step back too.

Your job sounds exactly like mine. Unfortunately I’m a single parent so no option to step back. I’m currently off sick with stress - the first time in my entire life I’ve had more than a week off.

Sorry posted too soon - I would consider a compromise. Maybe not such a huge step back but definitely make some changes.

My current job can't be part time. (Can't even be done full time really)

All other similar jobs are full time as it is managing a function. Have made enquiries about roles but never an option for part time.

@devildeepbluesea sorry to hear that, I feel that's the way I'm going snd don't want to. How are you feeling now you're off?

Also to say DH would be making massive financial adjustments for me to do this, paying a bigger chunk of everything (most outgoings) so it would be fairly even in terms of both salaries being used up