Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure whether to confront father

7 replies

manyunansweredquestions · 26/11/2023 23:18

My father isn't a bad man, but has always had his priorities wrong in life (aka. Is selfish). I've always had a pleasant relationship with him and up until the last couple of years, have chased his approval and affection. Although I've known for a long time how low of a priority I have mostly been to him in his life, it's only since becoming a parent myself that his behaviour and actions have been put into perspective.

He, publicly, touts his pride in me (and now DGC), but behind the scenes has very little to do with us. Yet when he does get in contact, there is a facade that he is the caring, devoted father he... thinks? wants to believe? wants me to believe?... he is.

I've been questioning lately whether I want to confront him about everything, but I really don't know whether to. I'm not bitter and I don't need answers as I've already accepted this is who he is, so I've no intention of purposely upsetting him. Equally I have no expectation or anticipation that he'll change as a result of a conversation. I think I just find keeping up the pretense that I believe what he says draining, and would rather cut the bullshit and him just communicate honestly instead of dressing things up so as to make it sound like he does things for my benefit as opposed to his own.

Am I being unreasonable to discuss this with him, or should I just leave it and go low contact? What would you do?

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 26/11/2023 23:21

He won't change even if you confront him that's who he is, all about him, I'm afraid.

manyunansweredquestions · 26/11/2023 23:28

@Copperoliverbear I don't really want him to change though (I mean, in an ideal world I do, but being realistic I know he won't so that's not my motivation for thinking about speaking to him). I feel like I just want him to know that I recognise who he really is, because it's more tiring for me to pretend that I think he's a great father.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 26/11/2023 23:38

I am saying this a thought process thing but to confront someone I would have to be confident I knew the reaction I would have from them or at least be happy with "I said my piece I am happy with that no matter what they say or do" so if you are looking for a particular response I would not do it

Moominner · 26/11/2023 23:41

Even if you confront him you won’t change him. Rather than go LC, cut him off swiftly when he starts the BS. It might make you feel better.

manyunansweredquestions · 26/11/2023 23:44

@WandaWonder Not looking for any particular response. Worst case is he disowns me and that'll tell me all I need to know/solidify my beliefs, and best case he introspects and consciously changes. I'd probably anticipate something in between like him going minimal contact out of awkwardness or low key resentment.

OP posts:
VeniVidiWeeWee · 27/11/2023 00:28

Are you expecting an inheritance by any chance?

manyunansweredquestions · 27/11/2023 08:03

@VeniVidiWeeWee Can you elaborate on the relevance of the question?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page