AIBU to think I maybe do have it a bit harder!?!

[DaisyChain234]

My DH is a supportive partner but we do bicker a lot about " who has it harder" and I feel we bicker because he just doesn't get it. We have 3 young children (1,2 and 4) - he works full time 8-6 and I work part time 2 days a week. In the mornings, all he has to do is get himself ready. I do all the kid stuff, breakfast, dishwasher, tidying etc. In the evenings, he plays with us / helps get kids PJs and sits with the kids whilst I put baby down, then toddler then my eldest. So by 8pm, he is child free and chilling. I have all 3 kids waking up at various points over nights, I havent slept a full night since 2018. He sleeps in the spare room, completely blissfully unaware. He has every other sunday out doing his hobbies, and every night from 8pm ( he gets in at 7pm so its not a long stint till child free time either!) ( For context, I do not have any scheduled / protected "me " time like him, he struggles for long periods with all the kids. )Yet he moans when he has throw some chicken in the air fryer for us( which is already diced and seasoned by me during tbe day) and moans when I ask him to fetch me something if I have baby breastfeeding on me , and tonight we bickered because I asked him to try to settle one of the kids on a wake up. Im up and down the stairs like a yo-yo at night, so i thought - hey, its his turn to try! And suggested maybe even trying to put them down one night at bedtime.Then he moans about how can he do a long day at work then put the kids to bed?!? But i feel I've had a long day too!! I have one in school, the other two are home with me. Its non stop and lovely and I wouldnt change any of it but AIBU to be a bit pissed off that he feels he cant do anything after work because he been at work? And I mean anything - he wont clean up his dinner, run Dishwasher etc AIBU to think that I do have it harder!! . i know we both have different roles. I appreciate but i feel like I maybe just deserve a bit more respect for the work I do, and for him to acknowledge it a bit more 🤷🏻‍♀️ he is always saying he will do " whatever i want " but i just wish he would do something without me asking! Putting the dishwasher on once a day isnt too much to ask is it! Our kids are at the high dependency ages but i still clean tidy washing everyday with a child on the hip, but he cant put away his own dinner 😤

He’s taking the piss OP! You have more than a full time job…why can’t you have a lie in one day on the weekend or a full nights sleep? They are both your children. You are entitled to a break too.

You’re in the trenches op. You’re knackered and taking on the lion’s share of the drudge. His life has changed with kids obviously but not to the extent yours has. I think you just need to keep in mind that it’s not a competition and you need to take care of each other if you’re going to emerge from this on the same side in a few years which hopefully you will. This stage is hard but I promise it passes.

Rather than approaching it from a who has it harder angle, maybe approach it differently and see if it bears results. The who has it harder angle might be getting his back up before the discussion even begins.

Maybe have a chat when you both have a spare minute once kids in bed and say that you're struggling a bit at the minute and would appreciate x, y and z from him.

He has no idea what it's like.

He'll be thinking "I've gone out to work doing veh important work business while wifey is at home playing games with babies then putting her feet up drinking tea"
That's probably what he thinks you do all day.

The only way to change his perspective is to actually leave him with three children on his own for a weekend. Take a trip or something.

He either has absolutely no idea so is ignorant, or he's a sexist prick who doesn't give a shit.

He is an utter twat and needs to do more. I don't understand men sleeping in a different room from their wives and children, all it means is that they escape any nighttime childcare and forget what it feels like to have broken sleep. No man will want to give that up once he's used to that. Surely you sign up to all the actual hard work of parenting when you have children?

He sounds like a children's bachelor and that's completely unfair. why isn't he sharing the night wakings on weekends and the days you work? Please stop enabling him and demand he does his fair share. They are his dc also. I'm so annoyed on your behalf.