Aibu to consider taking children on separate holidays?

[PixieAndProsecco]

I want to preface this by saying that we are going away as a family to CP in July.
We will also go away as a family for weekends here and there throughout the year.
These events would include DH.

My issue lies with the April school holiday, where it would just be myself and the children. I have one child, early-mid teens who would like to do a city break (museums, shopping etc) and a child under 10 who wants activities, pools and slides. There is a 7 year age gap between the children, attributing to the big differences.

There is no holiday that they will both enjoy. There are parts of various breaks (UK, city, beach) that would cross over for example, the youngest could do fun activities but would hate the museums and similar activities, and my eldest might like a zoo but doesn't want to go near a pool (self-confidence).

I cannot split myself in two, cannot leave one child sitting and do nothing with them.

More and more I've thought about taking them away separately, for 3-4 nights each. The child who isn't away will be with DH and/or my parents.

Part of me feels as though this type of quality time together would be a lovely experience, and the other will get their time too. Part of me thinks this might set a horrible precedent.

Would I be an awful person for doing this?
Yabu - you cannot holiday separately, it should be family breaks.
Yanbu - a short separate break would be ideal in this situation.

Not an awful person at all. You are trying to make the best out of an awkward situation.
I think the 1 on 1 bonding time could be lovely x

Sounds like an excellent idea to me. I think 1:1 time with parents is really good for kids and teens. The important thing is for them to feel equal - and you’re thinking of taking each away so they absolutely are.

I think this sounds like a great solution, especially as you have a family trip and weekends with everyone included as well.

We only have one DS, but each year he does a city break with me for a few days (usually London) and a camping trip with DH (usually Scotland) as well as all our family stuff. I don't love camping, and dh doesn't love London, so it works out really well. It is nice to have that 1-1 time as well, and sounds like it would be the perfect solution to your issue.

It’s a good idea. I have that age gap between my two. We’ve mostly gone away altogether but that’s because they both like pools, water parks, boat trips, science museums etc. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t hesitate to do what you’re thinking of doing.

I had a one on one holiday with my mum when I was 16, and another with my dad at 19. They're some of my best memories. Do it, especially if the other child will have a nice time with other family members while you're gone.

It coukd be great, or both kids might feel rejected / left out. I'd suggest discussing with them, to see what they woukd prefer

I have a family member with multiple children who makes a point of each parent spending 1-1 time with each child like this and for shorter outings. I really see the value if you have the means.

I think it’s a brilliant idea. I would have loved some one on one time with one of my parents

Early mid teens is what, 14ish? So a 14 and 4 yo. I can see why you'd struggle. I think it's fine. And if it sets a precedent of a short break each so what? It's only for a few years, assuming you can afford it.

Personally I wouldn't enjoy doing it, but I'm keen for my dcs to spend time together as a family which admittedly does mean some forcing activities on one of them that the other is better suited for. Although all of our holidays include DH so we often take one child each (4 year age gap so not as big but still awkward with certain activities).

If your parents would be around to help with the dc then couldn't they join you on holiday and then help look after the other one if you have to do something with one? I think there could be some destinations which would suit both dc if you asked the MN hive? Or they are old enough for holiday clubs, so something where one is being supervised and you take the other one out? For me that's how I'd prefer to do it, I've always had a picture of our dcs together so I'm always reluctant to split them unless we have to for age-related activities.

I took my daughter away for a few nights when she was 14 and I’m planning to take my son away at a similar age. There’s nearly 6 years between my 2 and I agree with you - their interests are vastly different.

We do this. Husband takes the kids one at a time when he gos away for work. They get individual time, and get to do what they love/eat what theylove etc, without the others interjecting. It works great (and we're v lucky to be able to do that, I know)

Thanks all, I would have a nearly 14 year old and a nearly 7 year old at the time. Even with the differing interests based on their age gap, they are very different people.
One is very much hands on, muddy, active and go-go.
The other enjoys theatre, shopping, clothes, fashion etc.

I've looked at potentially Amsterdam and London, to take both boys to, as places such as the Dungeons, wax works, science centres, Zoo, river/canal tours would interest both. However the youngest would want to be in a park all day and wouldn't visit the more serious museums that my eldest wants, and the eldest will hate sitting on a bench in a park constantly.

I have done this and loved it.
Was able to cater just for one, and got some real quality time with them.

It sounds absolutely ideal if you can afford it/make it work logistically.

I think is great to spend some one on one time with each child once in a while. Even if the age gap/ interests weren’t so big/ different.

Surely though you do one and then the other?
Or you go to somewhere like Palma which is a bit or both?

Sounds like a great idea. Though I would check with both kids first that they are happy with this, rather than a holiday together. My step kids mum does this as her and husband have a large family so they do a “boys trip” and a “girls trip”. Means everyone gets a holiday more tailored to them and generally easier to manage than all together (6 kids in total, so hard for accommodation, etc).

We do stuff like this all the time as I have a 16yo, 13yo, 8yo and 6yo. DH took 16yo away for a trip abroad after passing school exams a few months ago, I stayed at home with the others. It's great for them to get time away doing what they enjoy with one parent. We also have holidays together. DH taking 13yo away soon for a weekend in UK to visit friends for a get together. We also go away as a whole family too. It's great doing it in different dynamics. Gives children a different perspective.

Great idea

We did this growing up as I had different school holidays and a big age gap to my brother. Loved it. Very happy memories and loved the 1:1 time too. I'd say you're a very thoughtful mum for thinking of them both and what they'd enjoy

I had thought about that.
However the youngest has been referred to the paediatrician with suspected ASD/ADHD or possible Au/ADHD. He does not do shopping, museums etc and without a separate adult to entertain him the eldest would be left doing nothing.

The eldest has also had a lot of struggles and is awaiting an Ed Psych appointment for different reasons, but it can make him very unreasonable if he feels any sense of unfairness.

Again, two adults and it's fine as we can divide and conquer when necessary. One mum doing both would only result in some form of breakdown.