Does being the new person at work ever get easier?

[basketcase23]

I've been in a new job for nearly 3 months now. I enjoy the work and the team are really lovely but I still can't shake off this perpetual awkward feeling of being the 'new person'.

I'm 40 next year and feel so childish feeling this way. The rest of the team are around my age or younger and they have been really welcoming. But I still don't feel part of the team. I get a token invite to out of work social activities(been to one) but I feel like they are asking me out of politeness. I'm not in the work group chat yet which is fine. I can't describe it other than feeling awkward and uncomfortable a lot of the time.

In my old job I was an established member of the team and my colleagues were genuine friends. I had worked there for 10 years. I know this sort of familiarity can only come with time but I sometimes regret my choice to leave even though the work I do now is a promotion and much more up my street.

Does it get better?

Yeah it takes a while. We're you at your previous job a long time? I think that makes a difference.

I've been at my job for 2 years and am only just starting to feel less of the new girl, but I was at my last job for 18 years. That comfortable-ness and familiarity is hard to get back.

I think it's a bit mean that they didn't add you to the group chats on the 1st day. I changed jobs just over a year ago from a job I had been in for 15 years. I loved my job and the people I worked with but found a job with a better work life balance so left. I was worried I'd find it hard but it was really easy. They added me straight away to the WhatsApp groups etc. I'm the same age as you but most of my team are at least 10 years older then me, so maybe that makes a difference?
I think you need to ask to be added and try to join in as many social occasions that you can. Hopefully there will be more social opportunities over Christmas.

It’s a bit odd that you’re not in the work group chat yet. I’ve been in my team for quite a while and one of the first things we always do with new members is add / invite them to all the channels we communicate on, formal or otherwise.

Are you sure it’s not an oversight?

You're not just new, you're more senior, and yes, that does make it harder to "fit in". The culture of a place can make a difference though.

I went to a new place as a manager a couple of years back and loathed it. I just did not fit in with them at all. I recently moved again, into a more senior role in a different branch, and its brilliant! I fitted in right from the start, have some nice friends at my level and above, and we have a good little group who go out for dinner together once a month. I'm sure you'll find your place in your new job - ten years in the previous role is a LOT to shake off.

I'm not senior to them, I'm just more senior than I was in my old role. If I'd gone in as management I would probably understand it a little more.

As for the group chat I don't really know. It could be an oversight, it seems like an out of work communication thing rather than a Teams group you'd use for work.

I feel so immature because they really have been very kind and welcoming on the surface.

I’m a similar position at the moment, and find that those old insecurities can really come into play - the sense of being left out at school etc. Breathe, take your time, you will settle in and you’ll have that extra sensitivity when the time comes for someone else to be the newbie and will be extra welcoming to them.

It def took me time to settle too op. I had a long temping assignment in an office. Pa was years there. Found my feet after around 5mths so yes takes time.

Yeah I’ve been part time in my job since October 22 and full time since June. I’m only now really feeling part of it after 7 years in my old place but I still feel an outsider as everyone is much younger than me (I’m 44!) and they’re quite cliquey but I’m not too bothered about that. I’m comfortable in my role and being around them all now, but yeah, really took time to get settled. Totally understand, if you love the job, stick with it!