Advice - dd12 in with wrong crowd

[Crystalballplease]

I’m not sure what to do
this week there have been 2 incidents of arguments fights between her friend group and other girls
one quite serious yesterday
dd was accused of ‘setting it up’ as she was friends with other girls but dd says she had no idea they didn’t get on. I don’t know what to believe. The context is both the girls who had a fight have back grounds of being argumentative and making threats one of them for stabbing

I’m at a loss what to do. It feels such a mess. Iv stopped dd going out where this happens

things seem to be worsening behaviour at school, her attitude. I thought these were nice girls but lately it’s just got so bad

I don't know OP, but I am bumping for you. Similar situation here with my DS, also 12.

You stop her hanging out with them at the weekend and in the evenings. I would show her some resources about the impact of bullying and how young people get involved in knife crime. I would consider moving her if possible. If not make sure she is not sitting with any of these friends in class. Check her phone.

Book an appointment with her head of year so you can get a clear understanding of what’s going on, then you’ll know what you’re dealing with.
if she’s in the same tutor group as the others, ask for her to be moved to reduce the time spent together.
Get her off social media - I work in a school and sometimes have to download what’s on phones for evidence and have seen what girls post about each other - it can be vile and violent.
Does she have an outside interest you can fill her time with at weekends and after school.
Basically you need to fill that void with something positive and get her away from these girls.
if necessary, move schools if things don’t improve, especially if it’s an all girls school.

I feel for you
it’s hard to know the right thing
I keep getting told the girls she hangs out with are not a good influence on her but they aren’t in her class

what can I do?

She doesn’t go out evenings
I have her friends here so
she also gives a very different side to things which just completely confuses me

I had issues with my DS behaviour, although he never got into fights or threats. He was more bunking off school and being a PITA when he was there.

It's really hard to know what to do for the best. I didn't necessarily believe my son's version as being exactly what happened, although I did accept it was how he perceived it.

Communication is key. If you start off telling her off, then she will most likely clam up and you won't get anywhere. I used to start off by being sympathetic about the bad day and trying to get him to talk to me about what happened. At least then I could put forward how other people might have viewed it and what could have been done or said differently.

Getting her to accept that she needs to manage her own behaviours around the other girls would be my first thought. Maybe she did set things up, maybe it was just a clash of personalities she had no control over, but right now you need her to be co-operative and keep herself safe. It could be her directly involved next time. So try to see things from her point of view if you can, and get her take on what went wrong and why, but at the same time be reiterating what she should do differently next time.

Teenage brains tend to be "do first, think later". Maturity comes with age.