To change my daughters school?

[Doingwheelies]

Hi,
I've posted on here before but have a new username as it suits me better.
I am a wheelchair use, living in London. Every day I have battles getting on buses, mainly due to people with prams. My youngest DD is Autistic, the school she goes to is a bus ride away. On previous posts I have been asked why she goes to a school further away, this is because of a move following the break up from my kids dad. I didn't want to change her school as she is happy and settled there. She can't cope with getting a taxi.
Unfortunately the bus situation is getting worse, to the point it's effecting my mental health quite a lot. Recently I had a bus with 2 prams on board refuse me access, the next one had one pram but some suitcases and he said he was too full. The next one, the driver signaled to me that he would open the door but then let on loads of people, got out of his cab and told me he was too busy and I wouldn't fit. This one has no prams but a few shopping trolleys and lots of people (after he let them all on) standing in the wheelchair spot. This left me 45 minutes late to get DD who was then really distressed. Coming back we had the same kind of thing, and had to wait in the rain until we could actually get a bus. I tried to move past it although it really upset me. Two days later, I tried to get a bus aftwr already not being allowed on one (buggies), the driver told me there were 2 prams. I explained I needed to get my DD and could he please ask one to fold up. He didn't want to, he looked and said they couldn't fold. Then kind of half heartedly said to the people with the prams 'can you get off as she wants the space'. He came back and told me they didn't want to fold. One did decide to get off though, so the driver let me on. As I got myself into position, a man who was sitting at the back of the bus and nothing to do with the prams, decided to go to the front and start a row with the driver, telling him he was our of order for 'forcing' people with prams off the bus because of a wheelchair. The driver got quite annoyed ans told him 'yeah I agree but it's not me, take it up with HER'.
So that was it, I had this random and quite intimidating man, shouting at me about how I should be ashamed of myself making a baby get off the bus when I'm a fully grown adult. I was scared. I couldn't move away as it's not safe to take my breaks off while the bus is moving. Eventually he left but I was barely able to hold the tears in.
I can't keep doing this. It's too far to wheel/walk and also too cold as I have joint problems. So now I have made the decision to change DD school, but I am riddled with guilt. I keep thinking if she can't cope it will be all my fault because I can't get her to the school she is settled at. Please tell me, what do I do? I feel like I cannot continue this school run as the buggy situation is too much for me to cope with, but my DD should come first obviously. Help.

I’m so sorry. How old is your daughter? How long has she left at the school? The journey isn’t sustainable. Is there any way you could move nearer so you could get to the school under your own steam? Otherwise yes, it’s best to move school

Wow you are having a tough time! Please complain to TfL-there obviously needs to be retraining. The manner of multiple bus drivers is unbelievable! When I used the buses in Surrey as a pram user, everyone was in full support of wheelchairs over prams; it’s a wheelchair space, and the driver would just shout down the bus when a wheelchair user was in the crowd to come on so the pram user had time to either get off, or fold up. In reality complaining won’t solve your problem however - I would move your daughter to a local school. This situation is a nightmare for you both, and is presumably much harder for your dd to go on play dates, parties etc as they will all be a bus ride away. She will settle in her new school; (I’m assuming there is one a walk away with spaces?) it may take a bit of time, but the pair of you will ultimately be so much happier you will never regret the decision.

I disagree with your last line. Your DD shouldn't come first at the expense of your physical and mental health. She wouldn't want that, I'm sure. And I'm going to guess that your life - and therefore hers - would be much improved without having the stress of this hanging over you. I totally appreciate that it's very difficult especially as she's settled but I don't think this is sustainable.

I'm also sorry that people are such arseholes to you. I don't get the bus very often but I'd absolutely be sticking up for you if you got on a bus I was on. Some people are such entitled dicks.

I would start by collecting the registrations and times of all bus drivers who do this and then contact TfL, if you do it enough they may train drivers on that route better. You may be able to link in your MP/Council/ other disability campaign groups.
If that doesn't do the trick is moving a possibility? Having had a neuro typical child in a school that made them unhappy and having moved them I'd be loathed to risk moving them again. How many years until secondary?

Sounds terrible. Working on her using the taxi would be the best thing to try next. Headphones and ipad might help. Pleasant taxi escort who she gets to know first etc

God that's awful OP I'm so sorry, I agree about complaining but at the same time if you don't have the energy for that it would be very understandable.

The current set up can't be enjoyable for your DD either. If there's a local school that can meet her needs and won't leave you at the mercy of the buses then I do think you should consider it.

All of that sounds horrendous. Have you complained to TFL? You really should. Is it not the law that wheelchairs take priority over prams etc in wheelchair spaces now? Which means the drivers need to enforce that. As for the fucking awful man shouting at you- with the drivers encouragement- I can’t decide if I’m shocked or not, but I am horrified. Met so many men who basically get off on frightening and intimidating women.

You do what is best for both you and your daughter regarding changing schools. I would in your shoes as the commute clearly isn’t viable for either of you.

Yes to this.

You could try contacting a Member of the London Assembly with the portfolio for transport such as Caroline Pidgeon. Also, it’s no concern of other passengers why your DD goes to that particular school.

Can you apply for school transport for your daughter?

I agree that you need to complain every time that this happens. Maybe TFL need a campaign regarding use of the wheelchair spaces . It seems as if the general public, including many pram and pushchair users, are unaware of the rules here. I am really sorry that this is happening to you and do not think that the solution is for you to compromise.

The school change might be better for DC once she is settled. A shorter journey at the start of the day, and a chance to meet people who live locally. The situation you a having on the bus is dreadful and if you have the energy and time please do complain/write to MP.

This sounds horrendous. But doesn’t your daughter get transported to school if she’s in specialist education? How old is she- and does she have an EHCP? How many years of this do you have left? I would speak to the local authority and the school to see what they suggest before moving her. Also agree with seeing if you can move closer. If non of these are options then yes you should move her but from experience if she is doing well this would be my absolute last resort.