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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What sort of person does these things?

18 replies

Divinespark · 26/11/2023 08:32

A lady in her 60's now, only 1 of her adult children speaks to her. She isn't allowed to see her other grandkids ,and Gradually over time her other adult children have not allowed any access of their lifes. She has been known to put condoms in pockets of her adult sons so their girlfriends find it, to cause trouble. And other items of clothing to make it look like their son was cheating to cause trouble with girlfriends.

She used to say things to grandkids like that are lies. Out in shops, she walks past and says 'did you hear that lady? She said your kids need a slapping" but no one else ever hears it. She makes stuff up that someone's said about you or someone you know, you know it's a lie but it's to cause problems. In the past she has alienated her children and changed her surname to new boyfriend and all her kids, lied to social and court that she was beaten so bad ,and lied her to her very young children so they grew up hating their real father. He tried to get contact. Problem is it's hard to cut Contact, as it's not my family, and this person will not see what I see and what others tell them.She even goes as far as telling people that one of her sons and wife were beating their child and locking them up, this isn't true. they live 1000 miles away and don't allow her to visit for response like this. She literally alwAys makes stuff up about people, I can see 100% why contact needs to stop. This lady can't help lying constantly and causing trouble.but how do I deal with helping someone see that? For the sake of their own kids?

OP posts:
Lamelie · 26/11/2023 08:33

Who are you to her and the children?

TravellingT · 26/11/2023 08:35

I don't quite understand- do you mean a member of her family doesn't see what she's really like?

If they can't see it, or don't care then there's not much you can do. Especially if this is a friend of yours, you can't interfere with their family. Report the woman to SS if children are in danger and stay out of it.

Merryoldgoat · 26/11/2023 08:35

Why are you getting involved with an obviously awful person?

OrigamiOwl · 26/11/2023 08:36

How are you connected to her?

But it doesn't sound like she needs your help, she's a grown adult and is now dealing with the consequences of her action (in that most of her family doesn't speak to her). She sounds like a nasty liar.

Celticliving · 26/11/2023 08:37

Are you the Mother in question and looking for some help?

BMW6 · 26/11/2023 08:37

I don't think you can "get through" to them at this stage of their life - with a young person you have a chance, but in her 60's not a hope.

Losing contact with her children hasn't worked any change so I doubt anyone else will.

As for why she's like it - what does she say when asked why?

Shoxfordian · 26/11/2023 08:37

How are you involved? She sounds like a very difficult woman but if its not your problem then stay out of it

Divinespark · 26/11/2023 08:37

TravellingT · 26/11/2023 08:35

I don't quite understand- do you mean a member of her family doesn't see what she's really like?

If they can't see it, or don't care then there's not much you can do. Especially if this is a friend of yours, you can't interfere with their family. Report the woman to SS if children are in danger and stay out of it.

Children are not in danger. Children are all adults now and all of them accept one don't talk to her and no children are involved now.

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 26/11/2023 08:38

Well she'll be a very lonely old lady and she deserves to be so.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 26/11/2023 08:41

I don’t understand what your role in any of this is, but if you think you could be the magic bullet which works to change someone who has been like this all their life then you need to reassess. You won’t be. This woman has some serious problems and has created this herself. Her family have protected themselves and she and you need to accept that she must reap what she sows.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 26/11/2023 08:42

🤔

GrannypantsMagee · 26/11/2023 08:45

Why are you involved? There's no question here which makes any sense without that information. Avoid them like the plague.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 26/11/2023 08:47

Why is it your job to help her? Has she asked you?

Readingineading · 26/11/2023 08:47

Sounds like a personality disorder. Im old ( 50's ) and experience has shown me that people that act like this are always the victims in their own heads, so they dont see why they should change.

Cherryana · 26/11/2023 08:50

The non contact children have made the right choice to enforce a boundary.

If you are her friend or a relation - you can’t help her. It will be a waste of your time and emotional enemy.

daisychain01 · 26/11/2023 08:58

This lady can't help lying constantly and causing trouble.but how do I deal with helping someone see that? For the sake of their own kids?

not your circus, not your monkeys.

step away and distance yourself. You have no ability to change the past or influence the future. All you'll do is heap misery on yourself by being involved in something that's none of your business.

PaintPicturesBlueandGrey · 26/11/2023 08:59

She obviously has an undiagnosed MH condition. Someone that destructive is to be swerved unless you have rock solid boundaries and fully understand the lengths those that are that unwell can go to for their own reasons. You have to remember her path to making decisions is not a regular one and you trying to understand why is unfathomable as her functioning is not within normal boundaries.

The only way someone like that can be assisted is for long term MH intervention which even if available will not always work because the person has to admit they have a condition, then cooperate. No one but a psychiatrist can diagnose this woman but having worked with people with MH conditions she is one of those that makes mischief, doesn’t see it, may even get some kind of kick out of it and will take advantage of people with a good nature , you get involved at your own risk.

Shinyandnew1 · 26/11/2023 09:06

You’ve only given half a story here. Unless you explain how she is connected to you and why you have to see her, you’re not going to get any helpful responses.

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