About Christmas Day (MIL)

[Talktooomuch]

I’ll try and keep this concise.

My DP and his brother are both working this Christmas, meaning their mum (MIL for ease) would be in her own for Christmas. I get along with MIL and she does with my family so we invited her to have Christmas dinner with us.

My family live approx 30 miles from us and MIL - who lives 5 mins drive from me. MIL drives but doesn’t feel comfortable on motorways and I am happy to drive.

Me and my DP just had a row because he said I was dictating that I would be going to my family’s from approx 12-9pm and I didn’t negotiate with MIL. My argument is that that’s the offer - come all day with me or don’t as I’m the one driving and not doing to do a 70 mile round trip to go back again or sit on my own all evening away from my family.

I am fuming, AIBU

Yanbu, not one little bit!

YANBU- you don’t negotiate something like that. She is invited along with you when you go, you’re not arranging something mural together.

Has his mum moaned about it?

She can choose to go or not. It’s very simple and her decision with the option of you driving.

YANBU. Your DP should be thanking you not having a go!

What is there to negotiate?! She can come or not, the gesture of including her in your day was kind but it’s still your day, your plans!

MIL is not your responsibility. Your DP doesn’t get to co-op your Christmas Day.

"Mil, I'll pick you up around 11:30 so we're there in plenty of time for lunch. My family like to play card games/watch Christmas movies/bicker/sit and scratch our arses once the washing up is done and I'm planning on staying for that. Are you happy to stay or shall I help you book a taxi?"

Not complicated. No need to fall out.

That would really get my back up and I’d probably say ok she’s not coming at all now.
You’ve been kind enough to
invite her so she doesn’t spend xmas alone. She doesn’t get to negotiate on times. If she doesn’t like it don’t come or drive herself. Absolute bloody cheek

@Talktooomuch not up to you to entertain his mum even though she was invited! does she not want to go?? does bil not have a wife?

I think it’s very good of you and your family to include her. I don’t see a problem, does she not want to go for so long ?

No MIL hasn’t complained! She’s happy to be invited. Everyone else in the family is working (family of unsociable workers!). I’m happy to have her with us, it’s my DP I’m pissed off at! As if I was supposed to reach a compromise of when I was leaving. He said I was rude on the phone 🙄

He's got FOMO probably. Or doesn't want you to have fun without him.

Well he needs to sort his own mum then.
He's just annoyed that you’re having fun with your family imo.

Thems the breaks when someone is doing you a favour 🤷‍♀️. She needs to suck it up

Why is he getting all arsey on her behalf when she’s happy with the arrangement? Bizarre! You’ve been really kind to ensure she’s not alone on Christmas Day. What is his problem?

This. He's trying to start a fight because he's jealous that it's all going swimmingly without him. Very childish.