WIBU to say this to a collegue?

[orangeade1]

hello,

had a crap few weeks at work and just really needed to let it all out.

im young, female and working in a job where I have a relatively senior position but still very much at the bottom of the hierarchy IYSWIM- eg trainee lawyer (not the same job but very similar so ill use it as an example) My colleagues are fab and I really enjoy my job although its been a huge learning curve but im loving it. But there's one collegue in particular who I've had a few run ins with and it recently came to a head and I just feel so crap about it all

The collegue in question (job role of receptionist/ assistant) is loud, very extroverted and very popular and actually a nice person sometimes but notoriously speaks badly to younger females- especially new trainees.

Nobody has ever taken it further or pulled him up for it, its just been the way that when he gets the remotely bit stressed or flustered he takes it out on the younger female trainees, eg if they ask him to book a meeting which is well within his job description, he will be fine when a senior man asks him to do it but when we ask him to do it he gets really aggressive. I get on SO well with everyone at work and never, ever look down on anyone, but he seems to have a bit of a personal thing where he dislikes younger female trainee professionals- its a pattern that's apparently been going on for years. I am never ever disrespectful to receptionists or assistants- they are the backbone of any firm and I go out of my way to always try and be friendly and polite. But he has continually treated me badly since I started and I bit my tongue until now because I absolutely despise confrontation and im usually a crier, but it happened again 3 weeks ago where I was shouted at and spoken to like a piece of dirt- all in front of clients which is not only hurtful to me, but obviously incredibly unprofessional. All because I was told by my senior to ask him to book something for a client, which is his job, so I asked him politely if he wouldn't mind please booking it for XYZ and thank you very much!' he lost his shit and was shouting at me and waving his hands and telling me to do it myself because he was having a cup of tea. It doesn't sound it, but it was incredibly aggressive. he went on a 2-3 minute rant shouting and waving his hands at me. I finally found my backbone and stood up to him (later obviously not in front of clients) and told him NEVER to speak to me like that again, and that it was incredibly unprofessional and I would be taking it further if it happened again. It was awkward and I could tell he was angry that I actually stood up to him. He has completely blanked me since.

but the general attitude from his friends, which are the majority of people there is that 'this is just how he is' etc and im 'taking it too personally.' My friends at work are fully on my side as many of them have experienced similar in the past, but its made work so awkward now and I sort of wish I hadn't said anything now.

sounds a bit daft, but I did the right thing standing up for myself didn't I? it wasn't nasty or bullying for me to do so? I didnt shout, swear or wave my hands in his face. I just looked him dead in the eyes and said do not EVER speak to me like that again. just worried about it now and this is my first job so im still finding my feet with it all!

This. ⬆️

Op, I would inform someone senior. Not as a complaint or a mea culpa though. ‘Hello sally, I wondered if you knew that John finds it very difficult when a younger female colleague asks him to [book a meeting room] or similar. He blew up at me in front of a client recently and although I have dealt with that incident myself, it’s a pattern which could put the firm in a vulnerable position, so I thought it was something you should be aware of. “

there’s a proper business expression which means ‘open the firm to risk’ but I can’t remember it any more!

The only thing you might have done wrong is not object to his behaviour sooner.

Well done you! There's invariably one in every office and who's tolerated when they shouldn't be. Keep an eye on him just in case he tries to turn it into a vendetta.

Odious behaviour.

Of course you did! You'll get some flack from him but don't back down, ask him to do something that's his job again and again, don't let him blank you. Be polite, if he rears up just put your hand out and say, thank you just email me when it's done please.
He's trying to rule the roost and poeple are letting him, more people should stand up to him!
Also keep a secret log dates and times, witnesses etc in case you need it. Above all be professional and polite

His behaviour is sneaky and abhorrent. It may well be that the bosses know about it already - they might be among the "that's just how he is" crew - but I'm sure they wouldn't be pleased to know that he is having his tantrums in front of clients. And when you tell them (which you really should) also stress that he reserves this unpleasant behaviour for younger, female colleagues who are superior to him. Stress this but don't use the word "mysoginistic". Though it's clearly very appropriate and accurate in this case, it's become one of those words that makes a certain kind of person roll their eyes and take matters less seriously than they should. If you are involved in a profession that offers personal services, I, as a client, would be highly unlikely to give you my business if an employee behaved like this in front of me, and both embarrassed and offended if the tantrum was because they had been asked to do something for me, their client.

Well done @orangeade1 for standing up for yourself and others by challenging this behaviour. I’m genuinely astounded by how some people behave!

I think you've behaved perfectly standing up for yourself.
We have a situation where a loud, inappropriate, lady needs to be told that the office isn't her living room, but the young female line manager is afraid of her volatility and any backlash.
I think it is harder for women to learn that we don't have to people please and pander.
You've told the male to do his actual job properly and any problems with that are his problems. He sounds like a drama-mongering prick tbh so keep everything professional and don't let it affect you on a personal level.

You did absolutely the right thing - he's a deranged bully who needs nipping in the bud. Hopefully you've now done this!