Did a diagnosis of autism help you, as an adult?

[DickJagger]

Not sure how to word this right. I've always been different to other people. Known that I act and think differently but I have rubbed along OK. Have a couple of friends. Get on with people at work in certain circumstances. A new colleague said to me the other week, 'you present as very autistic'. I'm not going into if that was rude or not! It made me think, oh, is that it?

I could list all my....quirks but I don't know if that would help.

I am more interested in knowing if, as an adult, you were officially given a diagnosis, did it help you?

Thanks.

I'm
Not autistic but have spoken to many autistic women about this who often describe it like a turning point for them in terms of understanding why they isn't fit in at school and reading about other autistic women's experiences helped them
Feel less alone. However if you have already self diagnosed then you might already be at that point

It helped my wife a lot at a similar age. It helped me understand how she operates in a relationship. She got reasonable adjustments on her degree and in work. However it was also an awful lot to process and she was quite distressed initially. She did an initial online screen which scored quite highly. There's a good book called Drama Queen by Sara Gibbs which is her journey to diagnosis

I’m not autistic myself OP although my young daughter is (though that’s maybe not relevant to you). I used to work in student support supporting autistic students at university including a significant number of mature students. I supported some students to pursue an autism diagnosis & I never met anyone that regretted getting a diagnosis, in fact most wished they’d got one sooner. A diagnosis may not mean more support (that depends on your situation & needs) however it can help you to understand how you process information, relate to others & to find others that understand. These are all things that the students I supported found invaluable.

Diagnosed Asperger's in my 50s. It's helped me understand many things, I used to study people in cafes to see how they interacted with each other and copy it. I had no friends and never fitted in at school or later work. As a child I couldn't have birthday parties as I'd run away. To this day I can't stand surprises, presents etc. I get obsessions which last approximately 6 months, e.g. handbags, church going, bicycle riding, hats, On my 50 th birthday I was presented with surprise vouchers for a spa and I just was struck dumb and my kids cried cos it upset them I wasn't pleased with the present.
I have to control all aspects of our lives, when to marry,have kids,where we live,holidays.
I sometimes can't do shopping as I get overwhelmed by lights,noise,crowds, so I do all shopping online.
I see faces in walls, wallpaper,all the time.If I see a pattern I have to count allif it, I have to count all the slats on a blind or panes on a window or decorative ceiling plasterwork.
I could go on...

I am in my late 40s and have just begun the journey to get diagnosed. A friend suggested I look into it. Even just reading up about it has answered so many questions. I'd like an official diagnosis in case of a future need (support, meds etc.). Good luck with whatever you decide to do @DickJagger.

I was diagnosed in my 50s. Absolutely no support afterwards but I'm glad I went through the process because it helped me to understand myself.

One of the useful things for me was to realise that I have difficulties with language processing.
I'd had arguments over the years with my dp, caused by his frustration when I didn't understand something he was telling me.
I'm intelligent, have a professional job, articulate and a bookworm so he used to think that I was either not listening properly or somehow trying to make him look thick for not being able to explain himself properly.
It was a real relief to have an explanation for why that sometimes happens.

Yes. It's helped me make sense of things better and give myself a break. Then I sought assessment for ADHD which was diagnosed and that gave me access to treatment which has helped me to work and hold down a job and been great for my personal relationships too

I'm now 41 and my DD is in the process of a diagnosis, but I've always suspected she was on the spectrum, since about 18mo. But she didn't fit the diagnostic criteria. When she was around 9 or so I happened upon a youtube video of Tony Attwood giving a lecture on girls with ASD and it blew my mind, I realized why she didn't fit the criteria...because the criteria for diagnosis is based on research solely done on boys. 😳 At that point I did more research about it and not only was it obvious she was Asperger's, but I saw myself in it too. You should really look him up, it might be an amazing help to you. I finally felt seen and understood. Dr. Attwood said many times mothers will come to that realization through their daughters. I had been masking for so long, and it was so incredibly exhausting and painful. I haven't gotten a diagnosis yet- I was happy to see your post as I was thinking about posting the same! I'm 41 and I figured if I made this far what help could I really get? One thing I've learned is that the female brain has more self awareness and "knows" it's divergent and makes up for it by studying others and copying them, not just masking but essentially acting "normal." Many successful actresses are likely high functioning ASD. I knew this about myself. I study people intensely to figure out what is normal. I consciously have been making mental notes my entire life. Like, "Oh, that's what you do when xyz happens." That's one of the main reasons I'm on MN, to read other responses to AIBU especially, to see what "normal" people think. I do have a mind and personality of my own so I don't mirror everything and I do value my own thoughts and perspective as well. Everyone is somewhere on the spectrum IMO and I don't see ASD or ADHD or anything else as a flaw. My DD considers it her superpower. We've really embraced it and I've tried to help her thrive as herself without masking or going through what I went through trying to be "normal." I've always felt like I haven't been able to be myself like that. I really want to. So anyway, thank you for posting and I'm definitely following to see how it's been going for others.

Whether or not you get any support very much depends on your area. I have been given nothing but a list of websites and zero support despite a lot of struggles in day to day life

It has massively helped me, first of all because it's comforting to know that I have a disability instead of being somehow a failure of a human being. My relationship with DH was never bad, but it's improved loads since the diagnosis. I no longer have to explain why I'm crying over us trying to spring clean together or why I sometimes just can't talk to him if I'm overwhelmed, he's much more supportive and understands that I'm not trying to be difficult.

I really struggle in certain settings but grin and bear it resulting in lots of little traumas being piled on. Recently I was in hospital for something and DH was able to advocate that I was on the spectrum and we got a quiet room and he was allowed to chaperone and it made all the difference. It can be hard at times because I don't look different, and about 85% of the time I don't act different or need different treatment, I can drive, I work a demanding job etc...but the remaining 15% I've found adjustments and understanding have gone such a long way to making me feel more at ease with my own life and less likely to die of stress at 45, so it's definitely been worth it. It's not a label and affects everyone differently. I would love to not have autism, but I do, so I have to deal with it somehow. Knowing and being allowed to adjust expectations based on it has been immensely helpful.

I've been diagnosed as a adult. Nothing really changed tbh. I've told a few people who are supportive. But other than that thinks have mostly stayed same. I'm glad I know and I try to be a little kinder to myself now.

That's one of the main reasons I'm on MN, to read other responses to AIBU especially, to see what "normal" people think.

@junbean - Glad I'm not the only one. I'm always very consciously watching how others interact so I can copy them. I read a lot of AIBUs going "Ahh, I see. Yep, I'd have got that wrong. I'll remember that if it happens". Also "Oh, that's what you do when xyz happens." resonates heavily with my day-to-day life too.

I would love to see wider population studies on some of these nuances to see how much of it really is typical vs atypical.

Really interesting thread. My eldest was diagnosed with ASD at 13 and then with ADHD at 15. During the process of his first diagnosis it dawned on me that my own oddities and struggles with life suggested I may have the same conditions. During one of the consultations the consultant remarked that I had traits myself. (This wasn't out of the blue - they were taking a very detailed family history during which it also indicated that my father is highly likely in the spectrum.)

After my son began to be medicated for ADHD his life was transformed. I sought a diagnosis for myself. I'm now also medicated (work days only) which has transformed my ability to focus and be productive.

I have not sought an ASD diagnosis although I feel I would likely get one. The main reasons are cost (it would be private) and that I don't think it would actually help me in any practical way. I'm quite high achieving and happy with my life - partner in a law firm, happily married with kids and a few good friends etc. I'm 49 and have learnt coping strategies that work for me. If there is any support or there it could maybe teach me to mask better than I do, but I'm not sure I want that anyway. Masking is pretty exhausting! I'm also still really bad about procrastinating because actually getting started seems overwhelming but I think I can develop my own strategies there too, if I put my mind to it.

The only real reasons I sometimes think about getting a diagnosis are (a) to show my son he's not alone with this - though I've discussed with him and he's OK with the notion that I'm likely asd and not ashamed of it and (b) just to KNOW for certain.

Like others on this thread I felt a certain peace when I realised why I am the way I am. That my problems making friends and fitting in socially aren't because I'm a rubbish person, but because I'm slightly out of tune with most social wavelengths! It's made me feel more kindly towards myself. Though the middle aged attitude to not caring what others think is also quite liberating anyway.

@junbean and @curiosity that's exactly why I'm on mumsnet too. It's amazing finding out how other people tend to think and the social rules I never knew.

Then I would definitely seek assessment if I were you.

OP my advice is to ask your GP to refer you for an assessment under 'Right to Choose'.
See https://psychiatry-uk.com/right-to-choose-asd/
That's just one provider; there are others. You can search for assessment and diagnostic services in the NAS directory and you would need to look on their websites or contact them to see if they offer assessments under RTC.

Yes! absolutely. It was like a lightbulb had been switched on.

Suddenly I was no longer 'weird', 'awkward', 'stupid' or failing at living the same life as everyone else.

It made me realise that a lot of my quirks were associated with the condition: problems socialising, needing to be alone and not talk for long period of times, issues with noise (anything from loud music to even things like people chewing or kissing sounds), issues with crowds and sometimes bright lights, not wanting to do small talks, not understanding human relationships at all, needing my things to always be cleaned and ordered at home....

I was bullied at school, as a teen and unfortunately at home as well by my family for things that I just could not help doing.

So realising/being told I was on the autism spectrum/neurodivergent helped me understand myself better and I also stopped forcing myself to be like other 'normal' people and beating myself up for not managing things that seem to come naturally to others.

That's one of the main reasons I'm on MN, to read other responses to AIBU especially, to see what "normal" people think.

Me too! It has helped me so, so much!

This thread is so helpful, thank you for starting it @DickJagger. I’m in a similar place, also 42 and have been wondering for a few years if ASD is the “why” as to some of my behaviours.

I’ve done several online tests (yes I know that they’re not a diagnosis) and every time I score pretty highly. I’m fully functioning as it were - hold down a good job, married with 2 kids, etc but sometimes certain things just set me off and I can’t explain why. I’m just still at the stage of not knowing what “good” a diagnosis would be for me.

You sound so like me OP. was diagnosed at 55 with both Autism and ADHD after my daughter was diagnosed with both.

It has been life changing for all the reasons mentioned and I don’t think there is an area in my life not impacted. I’m now in therapy processing it all. I’m having to go back through my life to understand all the difficulties and myself. I’m so much kinder to myself which is impacting my confidence and management hugely.I so wish I’d been diagnosed before.

I started by reading loads of books on ND in women. It was like finding my tribe.

Spectrum Women
The Electricity of Every Living Thing
Odd Girl Out
Women and Girls With Autism Spectrum Disorder
Aspergirls

Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety( not about women but good too)

Currently reading which is good so far-
Taking Off the Mask

I was diagnosed at 32. Yes it definitely helped me. I understand myself now. My mum understands me too. With a diagnosis I feel like I can better explain myself at work and ask for allowances to improve my life (working from home full time for example).

Very timely that this article has appeared on BBC:

Ellie Middleton: 'Learning the way my brain works has changed everything for me' https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/disability-67406374

I see faces in walls, wallpaper,all the time.IfI see a pattern I have to count allif it, I have to count all the slats on a blind or panes on a window or decorative ceiling plasterwork.

Is that an ASD thing? I do that. I'll add it to the list...

I've just had a form sent off by a support worker who's been helping us with DS who was diagnosed this year. I see so much of myself in him. The worker helped me fill in the form - she has ASD and was very reassuring that it is worth it.

I am so late coming back to this thread and I can only apologise. I work almost full time and also care for my disabled husband also almost full time (!) so time slips through my fingers.

I tried to see my GP early December and was fobbed off with call back next week, it isn't urgent. I called w/c 8th Dec and was told the same thing. I then gave up as Xmas, working loads, lots of pressure at home, etc. I will try again in the New Year.

I really appreciate everyone who took the time to reply to me. I have read every response, and I will read them all again to help me take it in.

Xmas has been awful for us here. I cannot wait to get back to work, the routine, the normality.