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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I’ve made the right decision?

4 replies

Usernamenoavailable · 25/11/2023 18:04

Me and my ex partner have broke up after 4 years.

We own a house together, I have a DD from a previous relationship. He has left the property and me and my DD are still in the property.

Throughout the 4 years, I feel like there has been an element of control.

All of income was paid into his account, I had to ask for money to buy something from the shop and justify why I had wanted said thing from the shop.

If things weren’t going his way, he would go off in a huff and blow hot and cold. If he was ill he would be very grumpy and take it out on me and DD.

He would often put me off applying for a promoted position as it “wasn’t good for the family” so I stayed in my lower paid job.

He would walk off and leave me in the pub if he seen me laughing and with other people and would threaten that the relationship was over, I would chase him, beg for forgiveness then things would be ok until the next time.

He would take my DD as a form of punishment and tell her I wasn’t safe to be around. I feel he has brainwashed her into not wanting to spend time with her bio dad.

I found out the was cheating on me and that was the last straw for me. He is treating this time apart as a “break” but I don’t want this to continue. I don’t want him to come home but I can’t afford to live here on my own.

I have an appointment with a lawyer to find out what happens now. Can he force a sale whilst I have a child under 18?

I am happy to continue paying my half of any bills.

I just don’t know where I stand legally.

I’m starting to rethink my decision and think it was maybe the wrong move. I just feel unsafe being here knowing he can access the property at any given time.

OP posts:
Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 25/11/2023 18:09

I think leaving him is the best decision, sorry I feel like I've missed why you feel unsafe though.

Usernamenoavailable · 25/11/2023 18:19

He still has keys to the property and has proved today he can just walk in when he wants.

OP posts:
Camorra · 25/11/2023 18:22

Are you married?

He has no responsibility to house your DC Im afraid. The solicitor should be able to advise but it may be best to think about selling and finding somewhere more affordable with your share of the house (if you're on the deeds?)

I'm sorry OP, this sounds really scary and unfair. For what it's worth, I think you're 100% doing the right thing

Usernamenoavailable · 25/11/2023 18:32

We aren’t married. Yes I’m on the deeds. The house is jointly owned. I would like to sell so I can have a fresh start but he is refusing to talk about it.

I have a loan that is solely in my name but he made me take it out to help pay for bills. He is refusing to help pay that too.

Sorry if this is a drip feed. When I take time to think things through I realise what an awful position I am in. It still feels very raw.

OP posts:
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