To talk to a friend that ghosted me?

[evinalina]

A friend ghosted me, around 10 years ago. We had been best friends actually for about 15 years prior to that. Got on really well, never had an argument before. We both got annoyed with each other for something and she completely stopped talking to me, cut all contact....

We now both live in the same village and I had seen her around quite a bit. Last week I decided I'd break the ice and speak to her. She nodded and smiled at me, since then I've seen her there more times, and she actively avoids looking at me.

I just think life is too short, so many years have passed. Makes me sad tbh! It would take me a lot of energy to hold that kind of grudge.

Depends on what you said to her to make her cut ties. She may feel just awkward after all this time - it's not just your disagreement it's also the 10 years of absence to get over. She sounds as though she is being polite but not really engaging with you to indicate she still wants some distance. I would just be breezily friendly but keep everything on a surface level or disengage if her lack of response is upsetting you.

I have an ex friend who really really upset me and, I feel, crossed a line. Our lives are too entangled to completely cut her out (I did for a bit) but I now keep her at arms length although I am polite when I see her. I am not holding a grudge but I don't want her or someone like her in my life but will accept her as a loose acquaintance (basically because I have no other option).

So what I think is that people don't ghost over an argument. That might've been the catalyst but probably there was more going on. I think it might be her that needs to make the first move maybe? I speak as someone who exited a friendship. Didn't ghost but pulled away slowly.

She may not be holding a grudge, she may just not want to know you anymore? There’s a difference between angrily ignoring someone and just not wanting to have a faux friendship or any interaction at all.

I second this. I knew someone who did something really unkind and broke all trust between us. For me, I didn't want drama but I didn't want further contact at all. No apology was ever going to make it right.

She kept trying to initiate conversations and meetings and eventually tried to make out I was bullying her. I was never unkind to her, I simply totally disengaged from her and she didn't like it.

None of this may apply to you but you've made your move now and I think I'd do no more and leave it with her.

That's not ghosting you, that's going no contact with you due to the argument.

It sounds as though she wants to stay that way for whatever her reasons are.

I can emphasise, as PP said, I also had a friend that broke my heart by something she did and no apology would ever be enough to fix it.

I see her around every few years, and we had one conversation when I bumped in to her and had just had my DS and had small talk.

I still smile when I see her, but even after 10+ years, despite the fact I miss her friendship dearly, when I think of what happened it still hurts so I know we can’t ever be friends again.

You can’t make people like you. We had a friendship group that seemed to fizzle out over covid. A couple of us stayed in touch and are still good friends now, others simply stopped engaging in the group chat. I’ve seen one or two of them since and just ignored them. Life is too short to waste on people you’ve grown apart from. I can’t be bothered with it.

It doesn't sound like she's "holding a grudge." It sounds like she's moved on. Which is understandable.

She doesn't owe you a friendship, especially after you had an argument and she was upset/annoyed enough to go no contact with you.

I think you should move on too. Leave her alone and concentrate on other friends.

Cowardly people who ghost their friends just aren’t worth the bother, OP. She’s shown you who she is, so please put time into relationships that do nourish you.

It's not cowardly to walk away from something which is unhealthy. I tried to explain when it happened to me. She would or could not listen.

The choice for me was to either engage in something which was rapidly escalating into drama or to detach entirely so that's what happened.

As an unfortunate epilogue, this lack of attention sent her over the edge and I ended up getting the police involved when it turned into harassment.

I wish I'd never met her.

Personally, I'd just leave it. People call it 'holding a grudge' but I don't see it that way; she's simply moved on with her life and you're not part of it. You should do the same.

Zombie