To not want toys randomly bought for my kids every week

[Mcemmabell]

We have a relative who keeps buying toys for our two kids. Every week they're bringing in 2-3 new toys. Well they're second hand often, but it's not about costs.

My kids (2 & 4) have a room completely full of toys. We're running out of boxes, tubs etc to store them in. The toys end up everywhere in the house. I'm trying to teach the eldest some responsibility for tidying but I'm like there's actually too much stuff to tidy. I can just about keep the stuff level under control with some regular clearing out, but I don't want any more toys coming in unless it's Christmas or a Birthday. Life is about more than getting a new thing whenever you want it.

The relative started saying okay, we'll just lend the toys and then bring them back to ours each week. But the toys aren't getting brought back. I end up needing to police them or they stay in our house. And 9 times out of 10 they don't get played with, just left lying on the stairs. Am I being unreasonable to say no more toys coming into the house, not to borrow or stay here permanently, outside of Christmas or a Birthday? It's driving me nuts!

It’s your PIL? Mine were like this.

Tell them it’s unfair on the children because they’re becoming overwhelmed with too many toys and it’s taking up playing space. Give them the toys to take home with them when they go home. Don’t let the toys stay at your house ever. You need hard boundaries.

"Hi [name]
Just dropping you a message to let you know I'm bringing the toys over this weekend. As you'll recall, we discussed this and agreed that the toys were on loan rather than a gift, so I'll be taking them round to yours on Saturday morning. Let me know if this is not a good time. TIA!"

When dropping them off, reiterate that as there seem to be an awful lot of toys already, it would be best to stop the toy buying from this point.

If they continue to turn up with bloody toys after the above, you have the right to start being rude to them about it. I mean, I would go beserk - I hate random gifts and toy clutter.

We had an issue like this with PIL I ended up being ruthless. Saying no more toys we are full. And then do a massive clear out to a charity shop. Perfect for the shop before xmas. Much better for the kids as too much they play with nothing.

Turn it round so it seems they are doing you a favour. ‘It would really help us if you are able to store the toys you have given us at your house. Thanks so much for them but our DC are tripping over them (literally)! No need for any more at the moment but they would love a comic subscription/book token/lunch in a cafe as an alternative treat, thanks!’

Also put in place a one in one out policy. So when they get a new toy another toy gets into the charity box . Do this after the person has left so your kids can say the one that just was given can go in there.

Make it simple and say no more toys outside of Xmas or birthdays, not even the ones they're 'lending'.

Don't bother causing a family root over something small. just put them away out of sight. As the mother of older children, I personally think family relations are worth maintaining and not losing your temper over.

But she hasn't got the SPACE to put them "away out of sight".

Am I also the only one who thinks it's not good for children to be given gifts on a weekly basis? They're likely to get a bit blasé and unappreciative of it all.

We have a similar situation, my father in law does this, I think sometimes he feels it's the only way to show affection, especially as getting down and playing with the kids is a bit awkward for him.

Constantly explaining that his time, not his gifts are what the kids want doesnt seem to sink in. It's a lovely gesture but I know how you feel.

Not unreasonable, I had the same with MIL. As soon as I realised what was going on I drew a line (in my mind) and when the next gift came I said “ah great thanks, do you mind keeping them at yours cos we’ve not got space to move!” Said in a nice friendly way, she couldn’t really refuse. Any that were “accidentally” left at our house I just took round to hers and dropped off as soon as possible, not making a big fuss but just “oh you left these”. Funnily enough, the excess gifting stopped pretty quick.. 😂

She still goes wild at birthdays and Christmas but with this precedent set I’ll just jump in and say, oh how great to have all these new toys to keep at MIL’s!”

Try asking her to look at the books section in the charity shop. Or look at some of the age relevant book/magazine subscriptions. That way she is maintaining her need to shop/turn up with stuff but a nice bookshelf each (for Christmas perhaps?) Would go along way as they grow.

As to the current pile I would do a huge sort (assuming you have time) and ask her to help take the car-full to the charity shop. Don't feel guilty about getting rid of stuff the kids don't want to use if it's taking up their playspace!

Hi everyone

I love the idea of dropping the toys off en masses! Sadly the perpetrators live an hour away from us. I'm gonna just confront it head on with an uncomfortable confrontation. I've been too nice but it's my house, my children and our collective quality of living. I'll also stick the toys on a high shelf as soon as I see them so they're not even getting mixed in to stuff. Husband doesn't think it's as big a deal but he's only here in the evenings and weekends. I work outside if the home part time and so I'm the one left literally picking up the pieces (of toys).

My MIL was a bit like this. She'd spend ages on eBay buying toys for DS, but she had really weird rules. Some were for her house only (ds is there once a week), which made him sad because he might want to play with something at other times and he didn't really understand (back when he was only very small). Others were for our house and they were often massive or noisy.
Because DS is a December baby, I basically banned anyone giving him something new from September until Easter. She complained but I kept giving them back to her telling her to save them for birthday or Xmas. He's now 7 and it's worked pretty well.

We say thank you, keep the toys away from the kids during the visit and give them to the charity shop. Usually it's rubbish toys as well.

We did have a word though (nicely, mainly focused on the lack of space) and it got better as less frequent.

MIL? Say anything you like. Probably best to go no contact. She obviously has no right to give your children unauthorised presents. How very dare she.

Behave! The OP absolutely has the right to stop news toys appearing weekly. It’s shit for her house and the environment, plus overwhelming for the child.

This, but add a few extras that you want rid of also. They can hardly complain that there's too many toys at theirs...

Dreading this with my MIL... No matter how much we discuss that he likes nothing more than the lamp (5 weeks old), she keeps telling me about how she's buying lots and lots for Christmas...

It's quite sad imv - small DCs after attending nursery /childminder seem to have seen every toy known to man by the time theyre 3.

I woul definitely chuck them straight out or shove in garage and only allow in half decent stufff.

Oh come on!

My lovely dm was similar. I adored my dm but still couldn’t move for the toys she kept buying the kids (she loved buying presents). In the end, anything that Granny bought had to stay at Granny’s house. It didn’t mean she had no right to give my kids things and it certainly didn’t mean that we wanted to go no contact. It just meant that we could only comfortably fit so many kids toys in our home, even with a playroom (which was my lovely mum’s excuse - ‘But they’ve got a playroom so there’s plenty of room!’. Actually there isn’t mum because it’s already full of the other millions of toys you have already given them, along with the rest of the house!!).

When your MiL leaves, collect the toys she brought with her and hand them back saying 'These are to go back to yours like we agreed, because of space here' with a big smile. Do you think she's going to refuse after it was agreed?

Could you collect them up and donate via a charity? Plenty of organisations collecting for children’s Christmas presents at this time of year?

I have the same problem with PIL. They live far so keeping them at their house isn’t an option. Luckily they don’t visit that often so I try to get rid of any rubbish they’ve brought over pretty soon after they leave and my son quickly forgets about it. I would find it too awkward to tell them not to buy anything, they are doing it to be nice and feel involved which is kind but I just don’t have the space for lots of tat unfortunately. They get some enjoyment watching my son play with things they’ve bought him during their visit and next time they come they won’t remember what they got him to ask after it (or at least it hasn’t happened yet!)

DH’s mum used to be a bit like this but not as frequent. She just couldn’t stay away from charity shops and church fetes. I just used to take it to the charity shop after a respectable time had passed, other than things the kids had decided they loved. To be fair she did produce some absolute winners- she managed to buy a Sylvanian family house, furniture and 20 fully dressed sylvanian at a church fete for a tenner.